If you don't look at your family's view of marriage, will you lose?
Whether or not to consider the family background of the other half has always been a topic of great concern in marriage. Recently, the topic of "whether you should consider the family background of the other half when you get married" has caused a heated discussion on the Internet, triggering 3Discussion by 200 million netizens.
Some people believe that marriage is not just a personal matter, and that life should be based on the other party's family background, otherwise it may bring unnecessary trouble. Others are of the view that a case-by-case analysis is needed and should not be overly biased.
Because, life after marriage is not smooth sailing, but requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife to achieve. To marry a man is to marry his whole life and his family.
Regardless of whether the family background is similar or not, both husband and wife need to face this poignant truth: marriage is not only about personal happiness, but a process that requires both husband and wife to bear and work together.
Whether marriage depends on family background is often not the key factor in determining marital happiness. Let's take a look at the divorce case of Li Fuzhen, the eldest daughter of the president of Samsung Group, which may be able to give us some enlightenment.
Li Fuzhen, an elegant socialite from a famous family who is regarded as the pearl of her palms by her parents, is also a talented and helpful Bai Fumei. However, her life changed after the appearance of a man.
In order to protect her safety, her father specially hired a security guard for her, Ren Youjae.
This poor boy graduated from high school and knows nothing about financial topics, and it is difficult to think about complex problems, but he can give Li Fuzhen meticulous care. They began to fall in love with each other secretly and socialize privately.
A woman who is immersed in love has only deep emotions in her eyes, and there are no restrictions on material conditions. Li Fuzhen rejected the marriage arranged for her by her family, and even in the face of strong opposition, she still insisted on a hunger strike and a break to show her determination.
The struggle lasted four years, and eventually the family agreed to the marriage. After getting married, Li Fuzhen's father broke his heart for this son-in-law: he was sent to MIT to study for a master's degree in business, but he couldn't adapt, committed suicide twice and tried to drop out; Involving him in the management of the company, he made repeated mistakes, felt that he was looked down upon, and clamored for a higher position ......In 2014, Li Fuzhen filed for divorce.
The reason was that Ren Woo-jae was an alcoholic and even committed domestic violence against her. However, getting rid of Im Woo-jae is not an easy task. Ren Youzai has already stared at Li Fuzhen's property, demanding that she pay half of the family property, and slandering her everywhere.
After years of disputes, the court ordered Lee Bo-jin to pay 14.1 billion won in breakup fees. At the age of 49, she finally got rid of the marriage that plagued her with a sky-high breakup fee, but almost lost her mother's property.
Ren Woo-jae is still greedy and asks for 12 trillion in property. You see, even the daughter of the richest man in South Korea does not necessarily have a happy marriage. Reality is reality after all, and a long-term marriage is not only about deep feelings, but also about matching both parties at the cognitive level.
Jingwen recently decided to divorce, and her mother-in-law was too strict and always taught her to be frugal, not to spend money indiscriminately, and to be obedient to her husband. Jingwen believes that modern women should not be asked to grovel so much.
She remembered that her father-in-law was always respectful and courteous to her mother-in-law, which made her feel very uncomfortable. Jingwen broke down in front of me, and she told me that she regretted not going to her boyfriend's house more before marriage, and that her husband was also very macho, which made her feel very tired.
Although she also wanted a warm family, she now realizes that she can't accept this lifestyle.
I read books and meditate, but you invited my brothers to cheer and make noise, accusing me of pretending to be literary and artistic; I long for some solemnity, but you criticize me for being extravagant and extravagant; I help my children with their homework, and not only can you not help, but you also let the children play cards together.
Jane Austen once said, "In marriage, it is absurd to consider only family circumstances; It would be foolish not to take into account family circumstances. "Although love is very important, in the face of real life, we cannot ignore the influence of family background.
When two people from different families come together, there may be good results or problems. So what's the problem? The story of my friend's heart gives us some inspiration.
Xinyi's husband grew up in the countryside, and her own family is well-off. At first, Xinyi's parents were concerned about the mismatch between their family backgrounds. However, Xinyi is not bothered by this, she believes that as long as you truly love each other, nothing cannot be overcome.
So, she took her boyfriend home to meet her parents and let them know him. Eventually, Xinyi's parents saw her boyfriend's sincerity and hard work, and began to accept and like him. Although Xinyi's husband's family background is average, he has a warm and loving original family, his parents love each other and work hard for life.
He did not feel inferior because his family was not good enough, on the contrary, he cultivated his independence and self-determination since he was a child, dared to take responsibility and responsibility, and was also very considerate to Xinyi. Therefore, two people with mismatched family backgrounds, as long as they truly love each other and are willing to put in the effort, it is possible to have a happy marriage.
After returning from studying abroad, she never showed him what she had seen, but shared it with him, so that he could see the other side of the world. Although the two have different views on consumption, they just complement each other.
He spends relatively little, but he always buys generously for his wife, often emptying her shopping cart. And this squeamish princess also cherishes his efforts very much and no longer spends money indiscriminately.
Cai Kangyong once said in a program: "I think that in addition to wealth, it also includes educational background and cultural background. The family environment is different, the social circle is also different, and there will be fewer and fewer topics after marriage, which will eventually lead to a greater distance between the husband and wife. ”
I feel this very much. When getting married, it is necessary to look not only at the other party's financial status, but also at the other party's family background. If the other party's family is wealthy, but he is very stingy with you, is such a person worth entrusting for life?
A person's upbringing, including his family environment, educational background, perceptions, and experiences, can have a profound impact on his circle of friends, concepts, and vision.
Before marriage, understanding these things is not only for the sake of understanding the other half, but also for the stability of the marriage. The investigation of family background is actually the understanding of a person's upbringing and the impact these experiences have on him.
If you can understand each other, be willing to grind in, and also have the determination to improve yourself, then you are capable enough to deal with life's challenges together. "
Marriage is not only a matter of two families, but also a cultivation of love. Falling in love is an art, and getting along is a skill. A good marriage is like an aging wine, which becomes more and more mellow after fermentation over time; And a bad marriage is like a sour pickle, which is avoided.
If you want to have a happy marriage, two people with different family backgrounds live a life, and the test is "getting along". Luckily, I have a good husband, we come from different families, and we have had arguments over different ideas.
But then, we found a way to get along with each other, from "why don't you ignore me" to "how to resolve conflicts", and our relationship became closer.
On my wedding anniversary last year, he wrote me a long letter with those words that made me teary-eyed: "When I was young, I always thought about what to do to make you love me more; Now, I just hope that something can be done to make you more comfortable and happier. ”
He is not good at sweet words, but he will express his love with actions. Outside of work, we talk about the future, spend holidays together, share household chores together, and raise our sons together.
I believe that there are two sides to everything, and that there should be no black and white labels, and that marriage should be viewed holistically. No matter what kind of family background the other party has, it is possible to have a good or bad life after marriage.
But remember, not a family, not a door. When there is a huge disparity between the two families, it is necessary to think calmly about whether it is really appropriate, especially at the cognitive level, or how to enhance the ability to "solve problems together".
Marriage is not only a matter of two families, but also a practice of love. Husbands and wives need to consider each other for each other, so that the three views are more and more compatible, and they can withstand the test of life in order to share the fireworks in the world.
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