An account book of life: the love and expectations of parents.
When I stepped into the fledgling society, my heart was full of expectations and longing for the future. That year, I had just graduated, and to celebrate this new beginning, I used the money I had earned from my hard work to bring some gifts to my parents and happily returned home.
However, one evening of family dinner gave me a taste of a different side of life. My mother took out an old ledger and flipped through it page by page, recording all my expenses from the time I was born to the time I graduated from college. This detailed bill evoked all kinds of emotions in my heart and made me think more deeply about life.
From the ledger, I saw countless numbers, each of which was a cost to my parents. High school and college tuition, living expenses, all expenses are clearly recorded. And their own expenses are not recorded in it.
My mom told me that I spent more than $50,000 in high school and college alone, and that they worked hard to raise me, which made me feel extremely stressed. I felt suffocated in my heart, but my mouth blurted out gratitude and guilt: "Mom, when I work for a few years and earn money, I will return this money to you." ”
However, my mom reminded me that this bill was only a part of it, and that there were many expenses that they occasionally forgot. In the future, I also need to be filial to them, send money home every year, and take care of their retirement life.
Our family is in a mountain village, and life is simple and hard. Growing up, I wore the clothes left by my sister, and my tuition fees were barely covered by selling chickens, ducks, geese, rice, and grains at home. In my memory, carrying a jar of homemade chili sauce to school every day, the living expenses were only 5 yuan, but it was enough to support my life for a week.
As I grew older, the adults around me went out to work, but my parents preferred to guard their homes and live a simple life. They were reluctant to socialize with strangers and even go out to work, so we became one of the poorest families in the village.
The hardships of life did not stop me, on the contrary, I struggled harder. During my college years, I spent the rest of my time working in a restaurant in addition to attending classes. Although the income from my work is meager, it is enough to support my tuition and living expenses.
Over time, I got my diploma and found a stable job. My parents began to ask me for money, and although it was not much, it was enough to make me feel the weight of my responsibility.
My father and mother have always relied on me, and they have never had a stable income. Even though I worked hard and my income gradually increased, they always felt that I was not enough, complained that I was earning less, and thought that I was "providing for nothing".
It's not so much that they love me, it's that they need me more. They pinned their hopes and aspirations for a better life on me. However, I began to doubt the nature of this "love".
In my opinion, they just need an economic pillar, a tool to support them. I never expected them to save up for me, because I knew that such a luxury would be a luxury for a family like ours.
My college roommate once said to me, "The more incompetent a parent is, the more likely they are to blame their children for their lack of performance." "Now, I know it very well. They are incompetent themselves, and can only pin all their desire for a better life on me. As soon as I couldn't meet their expectations, they were disappointed and angry.
Therefore, I chose to live alone, unwilling to pass such responsibility on to others. I don't want any girl to marry into such a family, and I don't want her to be under such pressure.
Still, I am grateful for the life my parents have given me, and I will work hard to be filial to them. But I also don't let my partner come into contact with them because I don't want to see her unhappy.