There are only three steps to improve the three-no-marriage of "no communication, no companionship, and no divorce".
Not communicating, not giving companionship, not choosing divorce, this is a terrible three-no-marriage pattern.
There are many couples around us who look happy on the surface, but in reality the relationship is cold.
How to break the pattern of three no-marriages? Next, I will give you an example of using the three-step method to break the frozen state of marriage in 40 days.
Madoka replied
Jia Xin is a 34-year-old student who works as a legal practitioner and also runs a family business. Her career is developing well, but her marriage is not happy. Her husband is 40 years old and a public official. They have been married for 6 years, but they are more like partners and good neighbors than husband and wife. They live in a large villa, each living on the first floor, usually busy with their own affairs, and respect each other.
As she grew older, Jiaxin hoped to have a child, but a physical examination revealed that she had an endocrine disorder. Although Jiaxin's husband expressed his willingness to consider IVF, his words revealed some disgust and complaints. Jiaxin also heard that her husband had been returning late late, and she was told that he had developed a close relationship with a female colleague at work.
Jiaxin said she didn't know how to communicate with her husband anymore, and that they had become the most familiar strangers over the years.
In addition, she is increasingly disillusioned with her marriage and even feels that she has nothing and can no longer be happy. At the same time, her husband also began to be irritable from time to time, complaining that his home was not like home, and regretting that he chose to be together in the first place, because he himself was 40 years old but had no children.
Jiaxin asked me very distressedly if she had any psychological problems, she really didn't know how to manage feelings.
In my experience with family counselling, students who are not good at dealing with feelings often have a bad past, and Jiaxin is no exception.
Jiaxin's family conditions are very good, and her parents are in business. However, when Jiaxin was 5 years old, she unexpectedly witnessed her father's betrayal and revealed it all to her mother without reservation. Since then, the harmonious atmosphere of the family has never returned. Although his parents were not divorced, the quarrels were non-stop, and even more, his mother often said to Jiaxin: "If it weren't for your existence, I would have divorced a long time ago." ”
Jia Xin was under great pressure and guilt brought by her mother's negative energy, and was full of fear of marriage and love until 7 years ago, when her father suddenly fell ill, and her current husband was a subordinate of her father at that time, and he has been helping her with household care. Soon after, her father's condition was critical, and her mother became bad, and for the sake of the family, Jiaxin had to marry her current husband, bearing a huge mental burden.
After getting married, Jiaxin put all her energy into work. She said she felt a lot more relaxed since her father's death. She has long since become indifferent to her parents and has a grudge against them. Therefore, she does not understand what love is, nor does she know how to get along with her husband.
On the surface, Jiaxin looks smart, capable, strong and decisive, and has many friends. But only she knows that she experiences loneliness and helplessness, and sometimes she even thinks that there is no point in living. Despite this, she is still unwilling and longs to have a child.
However, she is conflicted in her heart, fearing that her husband will be like her father, and she will complain negatively like her mother, not believing that she can be a good mother and build a happy family for her children. Therefore, for many years, she has suppressed herself, restrained herself, and maintained a respectful relationship with her husband.
Problems in the family of origin can cause couples to not be able to live together in harmony after marriage.
Because the two couples lacked psychological knowledge, they did not take the early stage to learn to improve their abilities, so the relationship between the couple has fallen into the worst freeze.
The emotionally frozen state has three characteristics:
1. Neither husband nor wife expressed their opinions on each other, and it seemed as if there was no dispute.
2. Family background has a huge negative impact on women, making them feel hopeless and subconsciously feel that they are not worthy of love.
3. We have vented our anger and unwillingness, but we have not actually changed, but have become more and more helpless, hiding ourselves, and causing physical and mental harm.
The frozen relationship between husband and wife is driven by a common influence. However, if we put in the effort, we can also make the relationship flow between the two parties.
After in-depth research, I provided Jiaxin with a marriage system planning planThrough three stages of practice, you can improve the energy and ability of marriage management:
1. Break the vicious circle in the original family and have a deeper understanding of yourself;
Jiaxin often falls into a self-attacking thinking mode, which causes her to be severely depressed, and she suffers from adverse reactions such as insomnia, irritability, irritability, and endocrine disorders.
Under her guidance, Jiaxin recognized that the root of anger lies in unmet needs. Due to her long-term resentment towards her father and guilt towards her mother, Jiaxin's negative emotions intensified, and her inferiority complex increased day by day.
Jiaxin needs to be guided by a counselor to let the sun shine into her heart and let her see the energy and hope in herself. Only when there is sunshine in the heart can the relationship be improved.
2. Learn to pay attention to and understand your husband's emotions and inner feelings.
One of the most common situations among people facing relationship problems is that it is difficult to understand and appreciate their partner's feelings.
Especially in a difficult upbringing environment, such as parents who often quarrel and do not take good care of their children, can make children feel anxious and afraid. For a long time, this fear has made it difficult for them to understand the feelings of others and put themselves in other people's shoes.
As a result, partners who have lived with such people for a long time often feel a lack of understanding.
I use the technique of emotional connection to teach Jiaxin how to listen to others, empathize with others' emotions and truly understand them from three aspects. This kind of training has a remarkable effect, and when Jia Xin began to be able to really see her husband, the happiness of being understood caused her husband's quick response, and he began to care more about Jia Xin.
3. Use supportive words to express your true feelings and express yourself.
Learning to express one's inner thoughts also requires being able to observe the emotions of the other person.
Jiaxin said that in the past, she only focused on her own feelings and rarely cared about what her husband wanted. The communication training I gave to Jiaxin mainly focused on the following points:how to express one's feelings correctly; How to guide her husband to speak out about his feelings. I also planned a couple exchange for them to really open up and have an in-depth conversation.
When Jiaxin successfully established an emotional connection with her husband, she was surprised to find that there were so many unexpressed emotions hidden in the heart of her previously arrogant husband. This change in thinking also brings about a change in the perception of the world.
Here, I would like to emphasize one point in particular:The busier and more successful a person is, the more things they need to understand in their hearts. There are many times when their indifference is actually to disguise the fragility of their hearts. Only when you are aware of these things can you successfully enter the depths of their hearts.
I was amazed at the progress of Jiaxin and her husband's relationship. In just 40 days, they managed to rebuild their relationship. Looking at Jiaxin's happy appearance, I am really happy for her.
Here are three steps I have taken to improve my experience of a three-no marriage, and I hope my experience will be helpful to you as well.
If you have a relationship problem, feel free to confide in me and I can provide you with a way to deal with it.