The term "close friend" is used a lot among the younger generation. Women often refer to close friends in this way, and giving this "title" often means a deep friendship.
However, sometimes young students are simple-minded and may have difficulty discerning who is "really close friends" and which ones are not. As the Chinese proverb goes, "Those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black", the habits of friends can have a profound impact on an individual.
The experience of a college student netizen struck a chord with the author, and I decided to share it and discuss it with everyone. The classmate named Xiaohan comes from an ordinary family in a third-tier city, and although he is not a poverty-stricken student, he is not wealthy.
In her dormitory, there is a "rich girl" who is enthusiastic and active because of the family business, and gets along well with everyone. Perhaps out of the consideration of accumulating contacts, or indeed resonating, Xiaohan soon became inseparable partners with her.
The commuting to and from class together is quite smooth, but due to the large difference in living expenses between the two people, there may be "inconsistencies" when shopping on weekends. Seeing his roommates of the same age dressed exquisitely, Xiao Han felt envious.
Eventually, an experience of accompanying her roommate to a high-end shopping mall led her to a long-cherished leather bag, which she still had to pay for 5,000 yuan after the discount. Considering that she only has 2,500 yuan a month to live on, this makes her feel a little frustrated.
For ordinary students, Xiaohan may be advised to think that this kind of shopping is not suitable for students. However, perhaps because of the difference in "affluent thinking", the roommate persuaded on the grounds that "girls should have a decent bag".
She further explained that it is easy for others to judge social status through the bag in the girl's hand. "People rely on clothes", what you wear can also affect your self-confidence, "If it's not enough, I can lend it to you", after listening to these words, Xiaohan finally decided to buy it reluctantly.
However, when the parents found out, they were very confused and angry, and the mother asked, "That's your father's salary for a month, how can you bear to buy such an expensive item?" How many students in the school do that? ”
The girl feels both ashamed and "aggrieved", and her behavior may be understandable, but she ignores the real problem. Hearing the parents' scolding, the female college student felt a little ashamed, her parents are ordinary salarymen, not only have to pay tuition, but also need to send living expenses every month, and the purchase of ** items is indeed not considered.
However, on the other hand, she can't suppress her dissatisfaction with herself, because she has grown up in frugality since she was a child, and she can only endure it silently when she sees the items she likes. Perhaps it was the accumulation of years of "low self-esteem" that made her eager to have an expensive leather bag.
The author does not know much about this girl's experience, but another interpretation is also worthy of our in-depth analysis. The emotions expressed by Xiaohan are actually understandable, and the psychology teacher once mentioned that this behavior is called "compensation".
Some of the self-confidence that was once lost due to limited conditions may be "compensated" in another way in adulthood. In fact, this situation exists among many students, but it is indeed an isolated phenomenon to use the living expenses provided by parents to buy such expensive items.
And the opinions of the surrounding classmates may greatly influence the student's choice. As in Xiaohan's case, it may be because she is too envious of her roommate's life, so she unconsciously tries to get closer in all aspects.
However, Xiaohan ignored the real problem: the reality of her and the girl was far from it, and it might be common for the other party to buy a bag worth 5,000 yuan; And she has followed suit, and may have to live a barely surviving life for the next few months.
Some "friendships" may be worth keeping your distance from, especially between students from very different backgrounds, and it is difficult to build long-lasting friendships.
Before entering college, students may focus mainly on their studies and may not know much about making friends. When you first enter the dormitory, you may think that no matter where the other person comes from or what the conditions are, as long as you can get along harmoniously, you may become close friends.
Truth be told, it's rare for students from different backgrounds to maintain long-lasting friendships. Students with a higher standard of living sometimes find it difficult to understand that students with poor living conditions can afford to eat together.
Whether it is the AA system or taking turns to entertain guests, it is an unbearable burden for students with financial constraints; If you do not participate in the sharing, you may be seen as "taking advantage". Like Xiaohan's roommate, persuading her to buy items beyond her financial ability is actually not considered from her standpoint.
On the surface, it may be to increase Xiaohan's self-confidence, but in reality it is not realistic. Not only does this make her work harder, but it may also create a way of thinking that doesn't fit her current situation.
There's nothing wrong with paying moderate attention to your external image, and a good groom, including interviews and other occasions, will make a better impression; But buying items that are too expensive is out of your reach. In this case, if you also persuade friends to buy, then such a "friendship" may be more worth keeping a distance.
【Today's topic】How do you evaluate Xiaohan's best friend's behavior of persuading her to buy an expensive leather bag?