February**Dynamic Incentive Plan There is a custom when we get married here, when the bride enters her in-law's house, she must hold her head high. It may be that the mother's family is afraid that her daughter will be bullied by her in-laws, so she asks her daughter to put her posture high.
A recent incident I read on the Internet reminded me of this custom, as well as one of my former trainees. Before she got married, the bride price that she said was 10 W. But her husband told her that it was not easy for his parents to provide him with a college education, and it was up to him to see if the bride price could be counted.
I, a student, have better conditions at home, so I said, "If you don't give it a bad look, then you can do it casually." "In the end, only 2 W's were given.
It was from this bride price compromise that her husband began to make all kinds of demands on her. For example, I have to call my in-laws every weekend, I have to go back to visit the elderly during the holidays, and I have to spend ...... at the man's house during the New Year
Later, her husband wanted to take her parents over to live with her, but she didn't agree to it, because there was a big difference in living habits. And her husband's filial piety only moves his mouth, never contributes, and he always directs her to do it.
For example, when the old man is sick, her husband asks her to ask for leave to accompany her, and she just goes to see it after work. And when I go, I play with my mobile phone, and I don't help with things like buying food or paying bills. It's a lot of things to live together, not to mention living together, there will only be more.
But her husband said: "You are a daughter-in-law, you should be filial, don't be ignorant!" Her husband's relatives and neighbors also pointed at her, saying that she couldn't tolerate people, was uneducated, and had a small ......
Under the pressure of various voices, she compromised again. Then, every day has a lot of internal friction. The old man kept urging her to have a second child, but she didn't want to, but it was not good to refuse clearly, so she drank the Chinese medicine brought by the old man every day.
The girl came to me and asked for a relaxation of the relationship. Because she has never been able to conceive a second child, coupled with the small friction between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, her relationship with her husband is a little tense, and men are relatively cold to her.
I told her: Your priority now is not to solve the problem with the man. It's about learning to think for yourself, to have your own opinions, and to be brave enough to say no to things that make you uncomfortable.
1. Be assertive and learn to think independently
Filial piety comes first", and there is nothing wrong with filial piety. However, his parents worked hard to raise him, but he didn't do anything himself, just pointing fingers at him, asking you to be filial to his parents. This logic is problematic.
It is his duty to be filial to his parents, not yours. Even the law stipulates that a daughter-in-law has no obligation to support her mother-in-law. If he really thinks that his parents are not easy, he should do something to make his parents happy, not to direct you there.
Such men, when they are looking for a wife, they are looking for a free nanny to help them take care of their parents, and then fulfill their reputation of filial piety. This is certainly not filial piety, but a kind of moral kidnapping.
Although more and more women are now independent and have more freedom of choice, they still cannot escape the influence of traditional ideas.
In the traditional concept, when a woman gets married, she is a member of her mother-in-law's family, and she should be dominated by the man's family. Filial piety to in-laws is a family affair that women naturally do, while men are busy with outside affairs.
The plight of me, a student, is actually the plight of many married women in China. However, the good news is that more and more women are now waking up.
Just like a recent incident I saw on the Internet, that girl was very sober and directly punctured this fantasy of men. Here's the thing:
When a man goes on a blind date, he says to the woman: "My mother is not easy, I hope she can enjoy some happiness." So, I'll take her over and live with us when we get married. Let's talk about this first, if you can accept it, if you can't accept it, forget it. ”
The girl replied with an OK gesture. The man asked what he meant, and the girl said forget it. Then the man said that her mother could help with the baby or something. The girl said: "If you really feel sorry for your mother, you will take it over as soon as possible to enjoy the blessings, why wait until you get married and your filial piety is outsourced to your daughter-in-law." ”
The comments of netizens are also very to the point: This is not filial piety, this is called beating the little slave to take care of the old slave, so that they can serve him, a big landlord, and live a more comfortable life.
Another netizen also encountered a similar situation, she didn't choose to endure it, but replied directly: "When I didn't come, your mother was very happy to wash the dishes every day; As soon as I came, I was so angry that I couldn't wash one more dish.
When I didn't come, you couldn't see her difficulty; As soon as I come, you will regain your sight, you will feel distressed, you will be filial, and your mother will be wronged. Don't deceive too much as a family! ”
Of course, we are only talking about this kind of "filial piety outsourcing" man. In this day and age, there are more and more excellent men. For example, a friend of mine, whose mother was sick and asked his wife to take care of her, said, "You haven't supported someone for a day, so why should they serve you?" Come on, I'm the one you pulled up. ”
When you meet someone who is good to you, someone who is truly filial, and you want to take care of his parents, of course you can. But the premise must be to have your own thinking, to be willing, not to be kidnapped. If you feel any discomfort, you have to be brave enough to refuse and not compromise easily.
2. Dare to refuse and not compromise easily
Man, he will test your bottom line, and he will deploy the next move according to your reaction. If he colds you, despises you, and bullies you, it is often the result of your easy compromise.
In many cases, the other party cannot be treated kindly. Your compromise and concession will only be exchanged for the other party's gain and unscrupulousness.
For example, in the case, when a man first proposes not to give a bride price, he must refuse, do not compromise easily, and must put up his own frame.
The bride price does not represent the value of the girl, but it represents the attitude of the man and your attitude. And your attitude determines how a man treats you. A man will only take you seriously if you take yourself seriously.
So, don't grieve yourself in order to please others. And don't blindly back down in order to please others. If you dare to refuse, you will not be taken advantage of by those who are scheming; If you don't compromise, you won't be bullied.
Don't compromise easily even on small things, stay true to your feelings and stick to your principles. When you reject him, he will respect you and look up to you.