Emotional value is a word that has become popular in Chinese in recent years. Some so-called "upward management" theories in the workplace point out that the first principle of mixed workplace is to provide "emotional value" to the boss. Some emotion experts also emphasize the "emotional value" given to the object (or target object) when sharing the love book. In the business economy, user needs have also been upgraded from functional value to "emotional value" ......
Man is a creature of instinct, reason, and emotion at the same time, and almost no one hates to accept "emotional values". Most of us enjoy being seen, understood, and cared for.
But if you blindly provide emotional value to others, you will usually be "tired". As an "empathetic" girl in the eyes of relatives and friends, giving priority to taking care of the feelings of others is a "sensible education" received from an early age. However, when facing various people such as bosses, family members, customers, and colleagues, this "empathy" often becomes their own internal friction.
I thought it was because I wasn't rational enough that I would be emotionally disturbed. But after reading the book "Emotional Value" by British writer Ross Hackman, I found that I felt "tired" because giving emotional value to others is also a kind of labor.
The authors point out that emotional labor, like physical, intellectual, and creative labor, is a form of work that requires time, energy, and skill. And we adults play a variety of social roles, in fact, we do a lot of emotional labor every day, and it is normal to feel tired.
At the same time, through relevant social research, the authors also found that both men and women can be the subject of emotional labor, but society's expectations for women far exceed those of men. For example, the stereotype of a good girl in the eyes of the elders: well-behaved, sensible, intimate little padded jacket; One of the ideal labels for men when choosing a partner: gentleness. Conversely, these words do not appear in the prefix of boys. Especially in the traditional family model of male dominance and female dominance, women are required to put in more emotional labor to take care of their husbands, children and the elderly, but are not paid or even seen.
In the real world, there is a natural and extensive need for "emotional value", which makes emotional labor a reasonable and unavoidable existence. However, it is unsustainable to suppress one's emotions in one direction and completely hide one's true joys, sorrows and sorrows to cater to the feelings of the outside world.
So, when you feel tired, maybe this is a signal: stop "emotional work", stop blindly begging outward, look inside yourself, and return to your true self.
Respect is also mutual, and in turn, don't ask too much of the people around you to give emotional value to yourself. Because empathy is also a labor skill that can be learned.
Of course, being yourself also requires deliberate practice.
Blessings to meet a happy and true self.
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