As parents, none of us want to be nasty naggers. However, because of our kindness to our children, we often unconsciously indulge in nagging in the hope that our children will listen to our own words. However, nagging is often a rebellious incentive for children to undermine the parent-child relationship and have a negative impact. Therefore, this article will start from three principles and provide parents with a few tips to help them stop nagging and be able to tame their children effectively.
There is only one purpose of parental nagging, and that is to make children "obedient". When children are young, they are still dependent on their parents, who are used to taking care of every aspect of their children in their own way. However, as children grow, their sense of autonomy gradually sprouts and they are no longer willing to be forcibly cared for or restrained by their parents. As a result, parents often adopt the method of "nagging" in order to make their children listen to their own words. Parents believe that they are doing it for the good of their children, and that children should follow their own arrangements. However, children have their own ideas and believe that parents are not always right. When the child does not listen, parents often increase the nagging in the hope that the child will be obedient to him. However, they don't know that nagging itself is a detour.
There are four types of nagging that children can't stand the most: unfocused nagging, nagging over old accounts, moral kidnapping-style nagging, and "a thousand times the same" nagging. Unfocused nagging makes children feel irritated and at the same time not easy to grasp the main content. The nagging of turning over old accounts often tires the child, because it always repeats the child's previous mistakes and is unwilling to give the child a chance to correct them. Moral kidnapping-style nagging can trigger guilt in the child's mind and make them fear being shackled by their parents. The same nagging is a kind of mechanical repetition, and the child becomes insensitive when he hears it.
In order for children to be truly "obedient", parents need to pay attention to three principles: understanding the real "inner needs", "reminding each other" with their children, and disciplining methods should be effective.
First of all, parents need to understand their children's inner needs. For example, when the weather gets cold, many parents will chase their children and say, "Put on your coat, it's too cold outside." And children often reply, "I'm not cold, I don't want to wear it!" In this case, parents can reflect on what is the real inner need? In fact, parents are concerned about the warmth of their children. Parents can express their love for their children by saying, for example, "When it's cold, keep warm." Then, let your child decide for himself what to wear and how much. This will not destroy the parent-child relationship, but also improve the child's autonomy and allow them to learn to think.
Second, parents and children can remind each other. Many parents are accustomed to taking care of their children and find it difficult to get rid of the habit of nagging. If you are such a parent, you can tell your child this question: "Mom and Dad are just used to taking care of you, but sometimes we forget, so next time, you have to remind us." Through this kind of communication, the child will feel that the nagging of the parents is actually out of love, and that the nagging can be changed. Parents and children can start to respect each other and even nag each other. For example, when the weather gets colder, in addition to parents reminding their children to keep warm, children can also remind their parents to keep warm. In this way, children can remind themselves to talk less and can also respect and "nag" each other with their parents.
Finally, parents need to be good at using effective discipline methods. Parents inevitably nag their children as they grow up because they are worried that their children will go down the wrong path. However, constant nagging is inefficient. You don't have to be constantly nagging to make discipline effective. First of all, parents should explain important things clearly in front of their children at once, and let them repeat them to ensure understanding. Secondly, parents can replace subjective personal thoughts with objective factual information and replace them with simple words, so that children can listen more easily. Finally, parents need to make their children aware of the importance of norms and implement the consequences in a gentle but firm way.
To make children truly "obedient", it does not lie in "talking too much", because if you talk too much, you will lose. We need to find the right, fast and efficient way to develop the right behaviors and attitudes in our children. As parents, we should remember that "obedient" does not mean blind obedience, but rather that the child is assertive and able to understand and accept the advice of his parents. Don't be overly nagging, but develop your child's autonomy and good behavior habits through mutual understanding, respect, and effective discipline. In this way, we can build a healthy parent-child relationship and help children grow into independent, confident and self-determined individuals.