In 1891, a 14-year-old genius boy passed the "state examination" and was admitted to Maulbrunn Abbey.
Because he could not bear the devastation of the school's examination-oriented education, he only enrolled in the school for one year, and tried to get rid of the school's control, left the school without authorization, and was later expelled from the school.
For this reason, he fell into depression, unable to extricate himself, and attempted suicide several times. Later, his parents had to submit to his will and no longer force him to go to school.
This is the childhood experience of Nobel laureate Hermann Hesse.
In 1906, Hesse wrote the autobiographical ** "Under the Wheel" based on this sad past, using the tragic fate of the protagonist Hans to accuse the poison of exam-oriented education on people.
This book has been published for more than 100 years, and various educational theories and educational innovation practices have emerged in endlessly, but today's educational concepts have not undergone fundamental changes.
01 Don't try to plan your child's life
Hans, born in a small town, lost his mother at a young age, but he was gifted, diligent and studious, and was regarded as a prodigy by those around him.
Hans's father was a small businessman, a lover of money, but also a law-abiding and a bit of vanity.
However, he is proud of having a son who always scores first in his school, which makes him very proud.
Like other parents around him, he hoped that Hans would become a dragon and planned Hans's future development path early on, that is, he hoped that Hans would pass the annual national examination, be admitted to the Maurbronn Theological Seminary, and then go to the seminary in Tübingen for further study, and finally become a priest or university teacher.
As the only person in the town who has a ticket to the national examination, Hans is breathless from his daily high-intensity study.
During the day, Greek, Latin, religion, mathematics and other subjects in the school take turns; At night, his father arranged for him to continue to study at night, and it was the norm to study until the early hours of the morning, and the long study time every day made him miserable; Even on weekends when there are no classes, he is scheduled to study outdoors, which makes him feel exhausted.
At this point, a carefree childhood became his unattainable dream.
He had no friends, no entertainment, only the anxiety of preparing for exams, the worry of exams, and studying took away all his time.
During a break in the exam room, a boy discussed with him whether he would go to the pre-university department if he didn't get in. Hans replied that he didn't know, and the boy said he would go. This conversation had a huge impact on him.
After returning home, he asked his father this question and received a negative answer, which made him feel hopeless, it turned out that "there is a road from ancient Huashan", and there is no such option in his father's heart.
Luckily, he was admitted with the second place in the country, and then began a leisurely holiday life.
However, not long after the happy holiday life began, the teacher and father were afraid that he would lose at the starting line, so he asked him to learn the relevant knowledge in advance. In this way, the long-awaited vacation was occupied by study again, and Hans was very disappointed.
When the seminary opened, Hans befriended Herne, who saw a different kind of life in him, and under his influence, he did not follow the route his father had planned for him, which led to the end of dropping out.
Faced with Hans, who had nothing to do after dropping out of school and returning home, his father was extremely disappointed, and he did not ask Hans about his plans for the future, but continued to arrange for Hans to work as a fitter according to his own ideas.
Faced with the boring life of an apprentice, Hans was heartbroken.
At a party with friends, he got so drunk that on his way home, he fell into the river and drowned.
Hans's life plan was arranged by his father, and it seemed that the future was smooth, but it ended in tragedy.
How many of our parents are like Hans's father, as soon as the child is born, he has designed a good future path for him, from enrollment, further education, to work, going abroad, from buying a house, buying a car to getting married, giving birth to children, all of them are prepared for a rainy day, pre-funded, and even personally go into battle, feeling that only in this way is to fulfill the responsibility of parents.
But Hans's fate tells us againParents can't decide their child's future.
Parents give birth to their children's bodies, not their souls, and everyone has their own path in life.
Children do not come to the world to fulfill their parents, glorify their parents or realize their dreams that their parents have not realized, parents should not regard their children as their own tools, but as independent individuals.
02 Don't try to raise obedient children
As a child, Hans, like other children, loved swimming, feeding rabbits, riding water wheels, and fishing, but these hobbies were completely deprived by his father in the name of learning, and only learning was left in his place.
Hans was an obedient child, he did whatever his father told him to do, and he never dared to give his opinion, even if it was unreasonable.
He lived like a learning machine, constantly instilling knowledge into his mind every day, and over time, he developed a situation of excessive mental tension and frequent headaches.
On the eve of the exams, the always dignified headmaster, contrary to his character, allowed him a day off, and advised him to go out for an hour's walk in the evening, but go back to sleep peacefully.
Hans was surprised by the headmaster's sudden concern instead of the usual admonition, and when he walked out of the school gate, he looked at the beautiful world outside, as if he had never seen it before.
Standing in the bustling square, his eyes were looking at the scenery outside, but his mind was reviewing the conjugation of a Greek verb.
This poor boy did not dare to relax the string of learning at any time, and he himself thought that this was a perfect state of preparation for the exam.
After the exam, his father asked him how he was doing, and Hans timidly said, "I did a terrible job."
His father's face was gloomy, and he said, "Why don't you be careful?" Why don't you adjust your mindset? ”
In the face of his father's swearing, Hans was silent, did not dare to resist, and did not dare to take the initiative to communicate with his father.
After entering the seminary, he finally escaped from his father's control, thinking that he would be able to live the college life he wanted.
But the dull learning content and rigid management system gave him a hammer, coupled with the obedient character he developed since childhood, he faced serious problems in interpersonal communication.
The classmates joined various clubs one after another, but Hans still only had his eyes on learning, he did not take the initiative to participate in a campus activity, and Hammer wanted to be friends with him, but he chose to refuse. Because in his heart, he has to draw a line with everything that hinders his studies.
He became a nerd in the eyes of his classmates.
Fairy tale king Zheng Yuanjie once said:
I've never said a word out loud to my own children, and I've never said itYou have to be obedient. Because I think that cultivating children to be obedient is not cultivating slaves?
"Obedience" should not become the purpose of parents' education, blindly let children be obedient does not conform to the law of children's growth, the essence of education is to discover and guide, not to cultivate children into what parents want, but to give children a certain amount of free growth space.
03Don't try to control your child's life
At the seminary, Heyerne was a well-informed student, fond of poetry, eloquent and eloquent, a little more mature than his peers, and very assertive, and saw things to the point.
He hated the learning content in class, and felt that spending an hour learning two verses of poetry, chewing slowly word by word, and stir-frying repeatedly was of no use to life.
He knows how to use poetry and ambition to construct another life for himself in the imaginary world.
Such a quick-witted, unruly, and cynical man impressed Hans with admiration, and they soon became good friends.
Once, Lucius's classmate refused to give up his seat because he had occupied the piano room for a long time, and Heerne couldn't get used to it, so he kicked over the music stand, and the shelf accidentally hit Lucius's face. Lucius made a big fuss, and the wicked sued first and reported the matter to the principal.
As a result, Herne was severely disciplined by the school, and Hans, who was a good friend at the time, did not dare to support him, let alone associate with him.
Later, the accidental death of a classmate made Hans realize that his disloyalty to friendship had caused harm to Heerne.
The inner turmoil made him decide to face up to his mistakes, sincerely apologize to Helne, and finally exchange Helne's forgiveness.
The two reconciled, causing a huge commotion on campus, but the two ignored it and often walked and chatted together. They became outliers on campus, and the rest of their classmates deliberately distanced themselves from them.
Because, in the eyes of the teachers, Herne is completely a degenerate, unmotivated, trouble-provocative, and "bad student".
The teachers were stunned to see Hans go from being a model student to a troubled teenager, believing that this was a negative effect on Herne.
So, they talked to Hans one after another, and exhorted him not to associate with Heerne and to be a normal student; When his father learned the news, he wrote letter after letter, urging him to break off his friendship with Herne; The headmaster even issued a ban on Heyerne and Hans from walking.
But none of this could stop the simple interaction between the two teenagers, and they chose to ignore it.
Under the influence of Herne, Hans gradually discovered that life is not only about learning and scores, but also about a person's own life pursuits.
Later, Helner finally chose to drop out of school because he could not stand the school's management system.
After Heyerne's departure, Hans's academic performance unsurprisingly regressed. He often had headaches and could not concentrate, and the school doctor had no choice but to advise the school to go home and recuperate.
Who knows, this departure, he will never be able to go back to school, he will be expelled from school.
In the minds of the teacher and father, the starting point of their forbidding Hans to associate with Heyerne was for the good of Hans, and they interfered in Hans's private life in a rude way.
However, they never really wanted to know what kind of person Hans's friend was, whether it was worth associating, and what Hans himself thought. As long as they have good academic performance, as for his joys and sorrows, his interpersonal interactions, his interests and preferences, and his psychological feelings, these are all unimportant and can be ignored.
And this is the most common mistake parents make.
Children are not copies of their parents, they have their own lives and their own value judgments. Parents should not interfere too much in their lives, but only help them establish correct values, outlook on life and worldview.
Being like a parent is not necessarily the outcome they want.
04 Conclusion
There are many more children like Hans around us.
They grow up with dreams that their parents failed to achieve from an early age and grow up in the way their parents expect.
But these parents do not think about what their children think, what their children need, they always think that their arrangements for their children are the best, and they cannot refute them, let alone resist.
But all of this is not always what the child wants. Therefore, when parents ask their children to do something, they must first listen to their children's ideas, respect their children's opinions, and cannot force their children to be consistent with themselves.
After all, eachKidsBothThere is a way to go, and it is bound to go through an uncontrolled process, if everything is done by listening to your parents, thenThisChildren will not be able to have an independent personality and mind, even if they go out of the house in the futureWhen you enter the society, you will also become a crowdPeople who don't have an opinion.
Therefore, let the child be what he wants to be, which is the best way for him.
Text: The wind from the south.