Last week, we went back to our hometown. My hometown is in the Pearl River Delta region, more than an hour's drive from Guangzhou, the physical distance is close, but the distance between the heart is like a thousand mountains and rivers, so the number of times I go back every year is not much. Someone on Zhihu asked, why are there fewer and fewer young people returning to the countryside for the New Year? 
My own explanation is that the proximity to the homeland is timid. Relatives are far away and smelly, and the problems of the neighbors hide the reality that you don't want to face, and the relatives have nothing to talk about, and if they go deeper, they will cross the line, and they are afraid of the sophistication of human feelings. In short, the taste of hometown is warmth and coldness, endless gossip and boredom. These are my mixed memories of returning to the village. But this time I went back, and the atmosphere changed. The village is empty, the doors are closed, the roads are sparsely populated, and if it is a helpless sense of strangeness to "ask children who don't know each other, and ask where they come from", now I want to find a child to ask me. In the past, the Chinese New Year in the village was very lively, there were many children at that time, almost all of the primary school students had more than 2 children at home, and there were lion dances, lantern observations, games, and sports competitions in the village. After that, my friends and classmates gradually disappeared, and now I have never been in touch, but what I can do is to remember the good memories and occasionally reminisce about the taste of childhood. 
In the past, homesickness was a kind of fear, but now it has become a luxury, and no one has hometown. At this time, I suddenly remembered my old neighbors, old people, and relatives, and these people who once made you scared became him who disappeared. Many of the old people who sat on the stones at the door and basked in the sun were gone, and the old man next door who was kind to me was over ninety years old, who had a cerebral hemorrhage some time ago, and his body was paralyzed, and he could only lie on the bed, infinitely desolate. The biggest sense of desolation in middle age is that the once familiar characters and events gradually disappear into an ordinary day. Yesterday's day can not be stayed, the flowers are blooming, and in the end the flowers are helpless to fall. The familiar sense of security will eventually change, and our middle-aged life is to face more losses. Our parents' generation is almost old age, and many of their older generations are gone. Thirty years ago, there were seven or eight old people who lived in the same alley as my grandmother, but now they are all gone, and there are wild flowers on the roofs. Characters who are always familiar do not exist forever, everything in the moment always feels forever and forever, but it is never far away. Last year, my mother was hospitalized for an operation, she had to do general anesthesia, and she had to sign a life and death certificate before, although the risk should not be very high, but at that moment, my heart will still tremble, and the more I grow up, the more afraid I will lose. Li Zongsheng's lyrics are the voice of our hearts when we grow up, let's go, let's go, people must learn to grow up by themselves; Let's go, let's go, life will inevitably experience painful struggles. When I watched "Flowers", I had a feeling of a metaphor for life. The first half of our lives are lively, like flowers blooming, and in the back, the flowers are gone, friends are separated, and money is gone, of course, there is no extreme drama in real life, but there is a more real plot. Whoever ends up with a lot of snow is not so big, and it falls in a white and clean space. I'm not too pessimistic, but it's because I see clearly that the void in the end is the void that I have to embrace what I have now. Because they all have to disappear anyway, but only by living happily before disappearing, and being thoroughly pessimistic, can we live optimistically. 
I love the poem: "As long as we live, nothing will have an end." But occasionally there will be pleasure, and at the first opportunity, it will prevail. "Yes, we have to hold on to every inch of happiness, every joy, to be happy and laugh heartily. People are living too anxious now. Yesterday, I saw a mother post on Moments, and the nine-square grid photo is a picture of a child camping and eating pizza happily, but this mother wrote a paragraph and said, I am not letting the child have too much fun, I must let him write three pages tonight, and endure hardships. Whether this is a modern chicken baby disease or not, it's really hard to say. All I know is that I myself have blamed myself for having been too happy today, and I am anxious that I have not done anything today and is only looking for fun. Now when I occasionally see my children happy, I reflect on myself. Happy is also a day, unhappy is also a day, happy days are much more cost-effective. Don't live in the midst of gains and losses, and be apprehensive, but live bravely in a life of vivid color. Life is to be lost, but happy memories last forever. 
It's almost the New Year, and I went to get a new hairstyle. The hairstylist was the same as the previous year, and while combing my hair, he looked in the mirror and asked, "How is it, which color do you want to dye?" He didn't even need to ask me if I dye my hair, it seemed to be a must. This year, my whiteheads have risen significantly, and the hairstylist suggested that I choose dark brown, which is better for covering my gray hair, and the cool colors can't cover it. I felt a pang of sorrow in my heart, and now even the space to choose my hair color was compressed. Chatting with her friends, she nodded again and again, you are white, I am bald, watching her get closer and closer to the big forehead of the birthday star, I have to sigh with sympathy. I just turned 37 this month, and the day before my birthday, I went to buy new underwear, and I found that the number of cups has become smaller, but the bust has become larger, and the breasts will shrink? What's more, his feet are not obedient, he got heel inflammation for no reason, and he walked with a limp. I suddenly remembered that in "The Best Goodbye: Common Sense You Must Know About Aging and Death", it is said that from the age of 30, the peak pumping of the heart has steadily decreased. People can't run as long and as fast as they used to, and their ability to climb a flight of stairs without panting is gradually decreasing. The walls of the heart are thickening, while the muscles in other parts of the world are thinning. Around the age of 40, muscle mass and strength begin to decline. The process of aging is gradual and sudden. We all have to admit that now is your most beautiful and youngest day. Time is like a fish that glides through the palm of your hand, since you can't keep it, enjoy the moment of grabbing. This year's birthday wish is to tell yourself to do what I want to do, make a wish list for this year, plan when to complete it, and do it if you want to do it, without hesitation. Yesterday is not to be chased, tomorrow is not to be known, only today is appropriate. 
Recently, I swiped the circle of friends, and saw a former colleague who changed careers to do fortune telling, maybe people have reached middle age and seen that life is a kind of metaphysics. I also gradually have this feeling, the perpetual calendar says that you go to the stagecoach star this month, and suddenly you really want to go on a business trip or have travel luck. Or maybe it's a kind of psychological suggestion, I believe that everything in the world has the power of a magnetic field. Just like the Chinese New Year, we have to clean up, paste couplets, buy New Year's flowers, and say auspicious flowers, which are all creating a prosperous magnetic field. We might as well create a positive energy magnetic field for ourselves and bless ourselves with the Law of Attraction. Don't sigh before you speak, sighing is losing before you do it. Sigh and speak again, as if the body will be more comfortable, but after a long sigh, the eyebrows are locked, the Sichuan character lines are deepened, and the bitter phase is gradually formed. From the perspective of spirituality, people really have magnetic fields and energy, and when you are positive energy and good state from the inside out, you will attract more beautiful people and things to approach. Even language has power, and everything has its own vibrational frequency and magnetic field. In "Magic", it is said that language contains power, so when you complain about someone's wrongs, you are actually ruining your life, and your life will bear the complaints. According to the Law of Attraction, what you think and say to others will be applied to yourself. Be more grateful, praise more, and say good things with good intentions, and there will be more positive feedback. In addition, do not be anxious in advance, nor do you know the troubles, life is to see the moves, the sunset returns to the mountains and seas, the mountains and seas hide deep meanings, go with the flow, you have to be old, you have to go. Calm your mindset. One day, I saw a sentence written by Shi Tiesheng, which he thought of in the most difficult and dark period of his life: a person, born, this is no longer a matter that can be debated, but just a fact given to him by God; When God gave us this fact, he had already assured it of its outcome in passing. The result is the same, now what we have to think about is how to live well and live up to ourselves. Anyway, I've come to the world once, so I don't have to use it in vain.