Text: Love is in my heart
Not every family is a haven of love, but you must love yourself and be your number one fan.
People who don't go home for the New Year have no "home" in their hearts.
Home should be a state full of security, retracting to a state where I am fearless no matter the storm outside.
Lu Xun said: The meaning of the existence of parents is not to give their children a comfortable and prosperous life. Rather, when you think of your parents, your heart will be filled with strength and warmth, so that you will have the courage and ability to overcome difficulties, so as to gain true joy and freedom in life.
According to Maslow, "Psychological safety is not a physical house or a simple kinship, but a sense of confidence, security, and freedom from fear and anxiety." ”
It's like a container that holds my restlessness, embarrassment, confusion, failure, ......At the same time, I will cheer for my success, joy, and love.
If there is only blood relationship, and there is no inner desire and emotional identification with family and parents, it will bring a sense of tearing, and will make us feel panicked about being manipulated and devoured.
The current situation of many people is that their hometown cannot accommodate the soul, and the other country cannot accommodate the body.
How many people travel thousands of miles to go home, just for a reunion dinner. When thousands of families are reunited, if there is really a "home", who doesn't want to go back? (One Point Psychology).
Cui Qinglong, a psychology expert, said
In the relationship between children and parents, only the person concerned can feel whether his mind is placed in the other person's heart, and only the person himself knows how much position he has in the other person's heart, which is even something that does not need to be reflected, and is a kind of subconscious knowing.
It's like, you edited a very warm blessing text message for the New Year, but emotionally, when you really have something to do, you don't want to share anything with the other party, you subconsciously know the distance and boundaries between you, and subconsciously know the scale of the estrangement and ravine.
The psychological counselor talked about the macaroni chowl
A real "home" is one that can support "people" and "hearts", with emotional shelter, love and warmth, psychological links, and energy supply, rather than posing with parental authority and continuing to ask for and squeeze your psychological space.
When I came home, it was like a dead mobile phone connected to the charging port, and like a thirsty lamb finding grass and stream.
Some people have a good time outside, but when they return to their hometown, they will have physical and emotional reactions, such as getting angry easily, not sleeping well at night, and having nightmares.
Especially when facing the elders, I feel stupid, and I begin to involuntarily please the people around me, although I am emotionally reluctant to get too close to them, but rationally I still obediently listen to the lessons of the elders.
This is self-function inhibition, behind which there are often competitive strong parenters, so the child makes himself weaker through self-inhibition, and identifies with the projection of the caregiver's "you can't be better than me".
As a child, you are afraid of being abandoned and losing your relationship, so you emasculate and weaken yourself in exchange for having a place in the relationship.
Going home for the Spring Festival, facing the love and hatred of the whole family, and the intergenerational inheritance of family trauma, is indeed a moment of personal growth.
It is a test of whether you have grown over the years, whether your wounds have healed, whether your cognition has improved, and whether you have learned to love.
If you can stand firmly in the center of yourself in the torrent of emotions, looking at everything around you with a pair of eyes that are sometimes moved and sometimes compassionate, then you have handed in almost perfect scores.
If you can't, but you can always remind yourself to return to your center and self-soothe yourself, you can say that you are passing.
But no matter what kind of test paper you hand in, please give yourself a little more time, give yourself a little more tolerance, a little more self-comfort, and a little less self-aggression.
Freezing three feet is not a day's cold, and those pains have been around for a long time. You just need to accept the current you, you don't need to force yourself to do what you have to do, just slowly feel sorry for yourself, get close to yourself, and get closer to your "home in your heart" step by step, then you and your family will be able to live a festive and peaceful Spring Festival. (Yue Yumo - Heart Road Traveler).
May your heart be full of warmth and love, and you will no longer be afraid to go home for the New Year.