A while ago, I went to visit a colleague on maternity leave, this is her family's second child, and she didn't plan to give birth, but the old man in the family urged her for a few years before deciding to have it.
The baby is almost two months old, and he looks very similar to his mother, so I teased him and said, "Your brother's name is Big Plum, then you are Little Plum."
When my colleague heard this, he immediately said to me: "Wrong, wrong, my family has my surname, you call him Xiao Cheng (Chen)."
"It's your surname, it's great, one person doesn't suffer, but how can your mother-in-law agree? ”
"If I don't agree, I won't give birth, my parents are just my daughter, and the requirements of the two elders still have to be met. ”
Indeed, like the generation that went out after 80 years, the vast majority of them are only children, and when we got married and had children, the old people in the family made a calculation in their hearts, that is, ".The child wants two, one with his father's surname and one with his mother's surname. ”
With the change of young people's thinking, this surname model has gradually been recognized, those who can give birth to two will definitely give one a mother's surname, and those who don't want to have two can only have their father's surname.
When the female star Qi Wei announced her second child, she said that she had discussed the child's surname with her husband Lee Seung-hyun, one with her mother's surname and the other with her father's surname.
Although this incident has aroused heated discussions among the majority of netizens, it has not affected the relationship between their husband and wife at all, and the family lives happily together.
Therefore, we must understand that marriage is to form a new family, and to raise children together, to give children a healthy, happy, and happy environment to grow up, as for the child's surname, the couple can discuss it.
In fact, our family is also like this, my parents gave birth to two daughters, and in their traditional thinking, the household registration book must have a personal inheritance, so I am the eldestGiveAfter so many years, although the child doesn't know why she has her mother's surname, she feels so happy with her mother's surname, because her sister follows her father's surname, she feels that she has her mother's surname, and her mother loves her more.
In fact, I explained to the two of them, one with my father's surname and the other with my mother's surname, because my parents think that each person has a surnameIt's cooler, my sister was born first, so I have my father's surname, and my sister was born later, so I have my mother's surname, and our family lives happily together.
It's just that the elderly sometimes really like to do things, and when we are not around, we say things to our children that we shouldn't say, as if we love our children very much.
For example:
1. For parents, no matter whose surname they have, they are their own children, and there will be no partiality, but it is different when it comes to the elderly.
My youngest daughter and my surname, that is, follow my grandfather's surname, in the eyes of my parents, the youngest daughter is their child, once the old man mentioned the distribution of property (family) in front of the child, saying that in the future, this house is for my younger daughter, and the eldest daughter has no share.
Children don't understand the reason for this, they just think that the old man is eccentric, and they can't even understand why they are not liked by the old man.
I know that I have been explaining to the children for a long time, and I also reminded my parents not to talk about this topic in front of their children in the future, the house is yours, and you can give it to whoever you love.
2. The youngest daughter has my surname, and the child's grandmother is somewhat unbalanced, and her attitude towards the youngest daughter is obviously worse than that of the eldest daughter.
When my youngest daughter hadn't gone to kindergarten yet, my mother-in-law came over to help me pick up my eldest daughter to school, but she rarely took the initiative to play with her younger daughter, and hugged her eldest daughter when she was free.
Fortunately, at that time, the youngest daughter did not understand the old man's mind, and she spent more time by her mother's side. But as an adult, I can still see the old man's thoughts.
3. There are also some elderly relatives who are very unfriendly, they jokingly like to pick (thorn) the two children, ask the children why they have separate surnames, and even say that the two of you are two families.
Fortunately, children just listen to these problems, this is because we treat children with the same heart, as parents can not prefer which child is the same as their surname.
We want our children to know that even if they don't have a different surnameBut we are a family, and we have to be of the same heartIn this way, the family can live better and better.
Text: Abuti talks about parenting.