Little he tells jokes:
Hello everyone:Welcome to the Joke Collection series, laugh and laugh!
My wife recently started to learn to cook, but it was hard to eat, and every time it got worse and worse, I almost vomited, but she never tired of it.
One day, I couldn't help myself and asked, "Wife, why do you like cooking so much lately?" ”
The wife replied, "I heard that if you want to get a man, you have to get his stomach first." ”
I was surprised and said, "Then why are you making it worse and worse every time." ”
After hearing this, my wife said angrily: "Because what I can't get, others don't want to get it, I'd rather destroy it!" ”
Oh, and since there is still such an operation! Haha,'If you want to get a man, you have to get his stomach first - what I can't get, no one else can think of it, I'd rather ruin it! ’I'm laughing to death! 」
The other day, I saw a 2000 piece of clothing, but there was no number I was wearing, I was glad that I had saved a sum of money to buy clothes, and in the evening, in order to reward myself for my family virtue of thrift, I bought a more expensive dress to reward myself.
The next day, I told my husband about it, and he asked me thoughtfully, "Do you know what this incident means?" ”
I shook my head, and my husband continued: "God closed a window for you, and when he just wanted to open a door for you, you actually learned to lift the roof by yourself. Well, this month, the whole family will have to drink the northwest wind with you. ”
Hey, it's your man's business to find money, and you don't have the ability to drink the northwest wind! I replied angrily.
Oh, my mother, this wife is still very reasonable! 」
Xiao Gang couldn't answer his father's question, and his father said unhappily: "You always don't know what to ask!" ”
Xiao Gang asked puzzledly: "What is the 'three unknowns'?" ”
Dad didn't know how to explain it so he asked Mom, and Mom said she didn't know.
At this time, Xiao Gang suddenly came to his senses, pointed to his parents and said: "These 'three don't know' are: I don't know, you don't know, and she doesn't know." ”
One woman said to her husband with a sad face: "I just met my former neighbor, Mrs. Jones, and I asked her how her husband was, but I didn't know that her husband had passed away last week.
She replied, "He's gone." ”
I thought he was on a trip, so I said, "....
What did you say? The husband asked, "You said 'not better'?"”
It's worse than that. "What I said was, 'Why didn't you go with him?' ’”
The husband blamed his wife and said, "You only attended Mrs. Jones's husband's funeral last week!" “
The wife said, "Hey, I don't have a good memory, I forgot." “
When eating ramen, there was a young man next to him who secretly ran to add beef while the boss was in the toilet.
How can I sit idly by and ignore such a thing? Holding the bowl decisively, he ran over and quickly added two spoonfuls.
As soon as he sat down, the young man shouted: ".Daddy, someone stole our beef!
The son asked his father: Why is the word "surname" derived from the word "female" and "born." ”
Dad said: "Because a woman has to choose a name when she gives birth to a child, for example, if your mother gives birth to you, you will have my surname Xu and my name will be Xiaogang." ”
Xiao Gang thought about it and asked, "Who is the surname of the child born to a man?"
Dad said, "Men don't have children." “
Xiao Gang said: "No! The word nephew means that the man gives birth to a child, and the nephew is not the child that the man gives birth to? ”
My cousin was divorced, mildly depressed, and locked himself in his room for more than two days without eating or drinking. In desperation, I could only let my cousin-in-law go to comfort the family and discuss, saying that I was more eloquent, and decided to let me persuade him, open the door, before my words of comfort came out, the little brother-in-law spoke first: "Sister-in-law, don't persuade me, I'm not unhappy, you let me pretend for two days, lest my mother go all day long, saying that I have no heart and ......no lungs."”
In the morning, Mr. Zhang walked into the classroom and was very happy to see that the children were learning consciously. He walked up to the podium and suddenly saw a palm-sized note on it, he opened it and saw that it was written in neat block letters: Hello, Mr. Zhang! Time is like an arrow, the years are rushing, the stars are changing, and the seasons are changing. The autumn breeze is cool, everything is withering, the fruits are fragrant, and the grains are abundant. Study hard every day, dare not relax, revitalize China, and have a bright future. The teacher's grace is unforgettable, forever in the chest, leisurely in my heart, heaven and earth together. As the saying goes, since ancient times, nobles have forgotten many things, only because they are in this mountain. Gossip and stop, I ask you: When you borrowed my red pen to correct your homework last Friday morning, when will you pay it back?
Hahaha, well written! ）
When I was a child, my parents asked for signatures when I handed in my homework, but I didn't sign it at the same table.
The teacher asked him, "Why didn't your parents sign it?" ”
He cried and said, "Grandma said that Mom and Dad went far away. Woooooo ”
Then the whole class fell silent! What a bitter tablemate! The class was silent for a while, and the teacher's eyes were slightly red.
A few days later, when the parent-teacher conference was held, he brought a lady in her 30s to the classroom, and his classmates and teachers were surprised!
I whispered to him, "How much did you pay for it?" ”
He wondered, "What please?" Then he handed me a packet of candy and said, "This is what my parents brought back from a trip to Wuhan." ”
Yes! It turns out that this is the real thing! It almost made me faint!
I went to dinner with my buddy, and when it was time to check out after the meal, my buddy shouted, "Waiter, check out." ”
The waiter came over and said, "If you spend a total of 184, you will give 180." ”
I looked at the bill and saw that something was wrong, so I said to the waiter, "No, it's not our table." ”
The waiter asked with a questioning face: "That's right, you spent 184 yuan at table 5." “
I said, well, it didn't feel right, and I said, "We're table 6." I casually pointed to the table number.
The waiter looked at the table number, looked at the bill, and said apologetically: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, brother, I see it as table No. 5, and your table No. 6 costs a total of 240." ”
After my buddy checked out, he came out of the door and yelled at me, "I thank you!" My good brother! ”
Hahaha, hey, you're a fucking genius!
---end---Funny joke
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