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After work today, my wife was waiting for me downstairs in the company, saying that she would invite me to a big dinner, so my wife and I went to the western restaurant where I often go with my colleagues.
When I finished eating and settling the bill, my wife rushed to pay with me, and I said I'll pay, but my wife joked with me: "How can you explain to your wife when you pay back, or I'll pay!" ”
The beautiful woman who saw the cashier at that time looked blinded!
As a result, when I went to work the next day, my colleague came to me and said, "I heard that the waiter at the Western restaurant where we often go to dinner said, you have an extramarital affair!" I don't know, do we? ”
God, this reminds me of yesterday's checkout, when my colleague laughed so much.
In the evening rush hour, there are a lot of people on the bus.
The bald domineering driver closed the door and got out of the car, and suddenly someone shouted: "The bag is clamped!"
The driver didn't look back: "Didn't the person get caught?" He continued driving.
At the next stop, when the driver opened the door, he said, "Grab the bag, drag the bag up." ”
No one paid attention, and the driver was furious: "Didn't you say that you were carrying a bag?" Who's kidding me? “
At this time, someone replied weakly: "The person who is in the bag did not come up, but he came up." ”
Suddenly, everyone in the car laughed!
I liked a lot of people in junior high school, and I felt that he was very good to me, and no one said anything.
It wasn't until one day after school, I was late, he stopped me, watched him talk and stopped, for a while, I was so shy that my face turned red, and he slowly took out a love letter from his pocket and said, "For the sake of me usually being so good to you, help me give this letter to your table!" ”
My heart at that time, I was pulling out the cold
Ran away from home and lived in my best friend's house for a few days, Today the second goods finally came to pick me up, My girlfriend sent us out and said to the two goods: Actually, you really don't have to come to pick up your wife, Your wife is not like that so-and-so, last time so-and-so also ran away from home, come to me every day without eating or drinking, Get up in the middle of the night and cry for a while, and then clean my house every day, the ground is bald, And your wife really doesn't have to worry, She decides our food every day, Watching TV during the day and playing with mobile phones at night, Don't get up in the morning, If you don't sleep at night, you have to have some fruit at night, why are you here to pick her up? I saw that the second goods said weakly: I just know that she is like this, didn't she come to invite you to dinner today, and I was guilty of it. Hey, it seems that running away from home now also has to have a sense of competition.
The four-year-old nephew has been a little annoyed lately. His parents wanted their son to become Jackie Chan and invited him four teachers to learn piano, chess, calligraphy and painting. It didn't take long for the teachers to quit. The reason is: "This kid is so good at talking!" Talk for an hour and a half without duplication! For this reason, the little nephew asked me: "Uncle, they all say that nephews are like uncles, you tell the truth, did I give birth to my parents?" ......
My girlfriend gave me ** early. Tell me to hang out.
Girlfriend: Let's go, let's go out and have fun together today.
Me: I've quit and don't want to go out again. I want to make money for my parents, I want to make money to buy a house, I want to make money to see the world.
Girlfriend: Speak human words.
Me: No holiday.
As soon as I came out of the supermarket, a little boy about two years old accidentally stepped on me, and he immediately said sorry to me in a milky voice, and I saw that he was very well-behaved, so I gave him a few pieces of candy. He took the candy and looked at me, hesitated and stepped on me.
In class, the teacher holds the workbooks of two students and shows the ...... to the studentsTeacher: "Let's compare how sloppy Xiaoqiang's handwriting is, and how neat Xiaohong's handwriting is! Do you know that how well you write will have a direct impact on your future career and life ......?Xiao Ming: "Teacher, I know!" Scribbled can be a doctor's ......Teacher: "Oh, what about the neat handwriting?" Xiao Ming: "You can write on the side of the road."
I went out to run errands in a hurry, and when I came back, I found that the key was left in the car, and all kinds of attempts were unsuccessful. I had no choice but to find a locksmith nearby. There was a house opposite, and the boss estimated that he was in his twenties, so he pulled him over. The guy circled around the body and made sure to lock it.
Suddenly, he asked me: How do you prove that the car is yours? Quickly take out your driver's license from your bag.
The guy took a look. Then asked: How to prove that the driver's license is yours, and quickly took out the ID card.
The guy asked again: How do you prove that the ID card is yours? When he was about to take out the marriage certificate, he suddenly stopped, and said to him with an angry face: Then how do you prove that you are the boss? The guy was stunned for a while, and then he ** sounded, walked aside in three or two steps, looked at me and whispered: Dad, if you don't come back, I can't stand it, so I can only use a hammer to harden it.
Uncle take advantage of the air conditioning
Today, I saw an uncle go to the bank to withdraw money.
When taking the number, the security guard said to the uncle, "What kind of business do you do?" “
The uncle replied, "I'll take a thousand dollars." “
The security guard pointed to the ATM at the door and said to the uncle: "If you withdraw 1,000 money, you will go directly to the ATM, and you will only get to the counter if you have more than 20,000 yuan." ”
The uncle said, "It's okay! Then I'll take 20,000. After saying that, he took a number, sat on a stool and waited.
When it was the uncle's turn, the uncle walked over and said to the salesman, "Take 1,000 yuan." “
The salesman said, "Uncle, you can withdraw 1,000 yuan from the ATM." “
The uncle asked, "How much do you usually take on the counter?" “
The salesman said, "Generally, more than 20,000 yuan is taken." “
The uncle said, "Then I'll take 20,000 yuan!" “
Two minutes later, the salesman said, "Uncle, your 20,000 yuan has been taken." “
The uncle said, "I still have to save 19,000." “
At that time, I almost gave the salesman a whole **.
Hey! This uncle is really a talent! I'm afraid I'm here to take advantage of the air conditioning. 」
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