When people are old, no matter who they are in-laws with, they must learn to "keep a hand".
When you enter a family, you are a family, and this sentence is not groundless. Ideally, the in-laws should be a group of people we have carefully selected, and we look forward to getting along with them. Especially when the family conditions of both parties are similar and the ideological concepts are similar, we hope that the parents, brothers and sisters of both parties can also get along harmoniously.
But the reality is not always as we would like it to be. The relationship between people needs to be maintained in both directions, and the efforts of one party alone are not enough. If we lose our sense of proportion when we get along with our in-laws, we will not only hurt our children, but also make ourselves and our in-laws feel very unhappy.
Therefore, as you grow older, learning to keep a certain distance from your in-laws is a mature expression of emotional intelligence and self-discipline.
In interpersonal interactions, it is a virtue to be humble and not overly boast about your strengths.
Family gatherings are common, especially during holidays, when everyone gathers for dinner and chatting about family life.
The topics of conversation involved family income, career development, child care, real estate, etc.
There will always be people who tend to speak out and go into detail about their own situation, or even exaggerate to highlight their family's strengths.
However, such behavior often makes the other family feel inferior and appear to be in a bad situation.
Comparisons between people often trigger jealousy. In fact, no two families are exactly the same, and each family is unique in its own way.
Even if two families seem to be similar, the comparison can lead to conflicts and dissatisfaction.
Therefore, we should remember the teaching of the ancients: "When we meet, we only talk about three points, and we cannot throw away all our hearts." ”
If you're doing well, you might as well keep a low profile, don't be public, and keep something to be proud of.
Don't be jealous of the other person's good luck, let alone find fault or expose their shortcomings, but give applause, because the other person's good luck can also bring some benefits to yourself.
The most important thing is that both families can enjoy a happy family, which is the greatest happiness for the children, and there is nothing to compare.
I have a great uncle who used to do business in the city and made a fortune. During the Chinese New Year, children and relatives come to pay their respects.
The eldest aunt said, "This year is really lively, the children are around, and the money is abundant......”
The eldest uncle hurriedly gave her a look and stopped her words.
It turned out that the relatives of the eldest uncle were in the clothing business and lost a lot of money.
Remember, there is no harm without comparison, and there is no anger. Restraining one's sense of superiority and keeping a low profile is a kind of cultivation.
During the Qianlong period, there was a man named He Lin, who was a brother with He Shen. As a clerk, he filled the position of a pen post in the Ministry of War.
The daughter of Su Ling's family married into the He Lin family, and since then, Su and the He family have become more prominent.
He Shen tried his best to win the official position and knighthood for Su Ling'a, and Su Ling'a spared no effort to offer money and wealth to show his gratitude.
Once, Su Ling'a participated in a banquet held by Qianlong and accidentally lost his words. If it weren't for He Shen to talk to him, it would be difficult to get rid of the embarrassment.
Subsequently, Su Ling'a sent a pot of coral bonsai to He Shen, which was very valuable.
However, due to bad luck, He Shen eventually fell, and Su Ling'a also suffered misfortune as a result. The exchange between them has changed from a courtesy to a bribe, and smart people can know the clues at a glance.
It is natural for relatives to help each other, and mutual exchanges are the norm, but we must remember to be proportionate, and never forget the moral bottom line and legal norms.
First of all, when using one's own status to help one's in-laws, one must not be greedy for personal gain, but should focus on the wisdom and mind of "exalting the sage and ignoring one's relatives".
Secondly, if your in-laws come to borrow money, you must settle the accounts clearly and do not deceive. We should resolutely refuse the requests of those who are lazy and must not condone the spread of bad habits.
Third, we should maintain a moderate exchange of gifts and gifts in ordinary times, based on true feelings, rather than giving out large red envelopes one after another. When giving gifts, you should pay attention to simplicity and avoid comparison.
Fourth, when it comes to the issue of children's house purchase, it is necessary to have a clear position, so as not to cause economic disputes between two large families.
Fifth, if it involves cooperation and entrepreneurship, both parties should focus on the overall situation, "look at major interests, dilute small contradictions", predict possible problems in advance, and shoulder responsibilities.
In the process of family help or cooperation, it is necessary to stick to the principles and protect one's property. Although it is sometimes a blessing to suffer a loss, we must not allow ourselves to suffer a big loss. After all, although the in-laws love each other, they are two different families, each with their own lives, and they cannot be mixed up.
During the Tang Dynasty, the son of the minister Guo Ziyi, Guo Yu, married Princess Shengping.
It's an honor to be a colt, but it also brings some difficulties. Because the princess has a haughty temperament, and is somewhat difficult to get along with.
One day, there was an argument between the husband and wife. On the spur of the moment, Guo Hua actually spoke disrespectfully to the princess, blaming her for relying on her mother's power and arrogant attitude.
The princess angrily returned to her parents' house to complain to the emperor, which made Guo Ziyi feel terrified.
Fortunately, Tang Dynasty Zong was a wise monarch, and he said to Guo Ziyi with a smile: "People are not sages, who can do no fault, as elders, why should we intervene too much in the contradictions of the next generation?" ”
It is true that the children have already started a family, they have their own small families, and each family has its own problems. As parents, we just need to pay due attention and not be too obsessed.
In your interactions with your in-laws, don't always blindly favor your own family, and don't get too involved in the trivial affairs of the other family. Remember, the "relative's business" is ultimately theirs' business, and our over-intervention will only cause resentment.
In interpersonal interactions, don't be the one to stir up trouble. Keeping a certain distance and calmness is more conducive to maintaining a good relationship.
Managing the relationship between parents and families is crucial because it is related to the future exit of the children.
When there is a conflict in the child's family, both parents can sit down and communicate impartially to promote family harmony. However, if the parents themselves are involved in conflicts, the family relationship will be more complicated, which can lead to the breakdown of the child's marriage.
As people grow older, they should learn how to maintain family harmony and think about which behaviors benefit the family and which ones will disrupt it. A person with noble moral sentiments should take care of the elderly in the family as if they were treasures.
Make concessions at the right time and be tolerant of others, so that you can have a mind like the sea and the sky.