We all know that people are bound to have flaws and shortcomings, and we should not expose them to others easily. Again, everyone has their own privacy and little secrets, so don't share them with others lightly.
Friends who have watched the program "Seven Tyrants Say" may remember that there is a guest named Huang Zhizhong. He once said, "About 80% of the troubles we have in life are related to relationships. More specifically, conflicts in relationships are almost always due to a lack of communication. "Friends with high emotional intelligence always make people feel relatable, even in crowded places, they feel like they are bathed in a spring breeze. On the contrary, friends with low emotional intelligence may feel annoyed or even alienated as soon as they open their mouths. Any of the four "suicidal relationships" I'm going to discuss can put relationships under extreme strain.
Point 1: Use harsh language as humor. Friends who are familiar with the TV host competition may remember that the very famous host Meng Fei said: It makes no sense to say anything, because it can't convey information. But what you don't know is that your seemingly random words can actually cause a sensation in others. You may have inadvertently made a joke, but in the other person's mind, you may have become a thorn in their side. In addition, your self-righteous sense of humor can easily destroy your partner's newfound self-confidence and self-esteem without them even realizing it.
For example, an actor named Xu Zheng jokingly said in his speech: He, like me, began to be bald at the age of 20, has a very dark personality, and any ** will become a laughing stock. "He was a sophomore in college at the time, and he was handsome and attractive. Although she was younger than her peers, she suddenly found herself acting in blockbuster films. Due to the large area of my hair loss, I had to apply ginger to my scalp every day, dip a brush in hair growth agent, and apply it carefully. Every time he recalls this experience, he says, "What really hurt me was not the anxiety or embarrassment of hair loss, but the cynicism of others." "I was overwhelmed by the crowd. He was ridiculed by the people and everyone.
When Xu Zheng turned over the hair growth agent, someone joked. "Look! There's hair on the table, right? The others said, "Hahaha, look at his head." Typing, you get the idea. This**....The effect is not ideal! These seemingly funny jokes are actually mockery in disguise, which made Xu Zheng fall into the shadow of hair loss for a long time and couldn't get out. Writer Xu Yi once said: "Being polite and tolerant to others is not a fake performance. Deliberately embarrassing others and being too frank are not real characters, and there are many differences. ”
A true sense of humor should be based on the following: "Respect for others not only makes everyone feel relaxed and pleasant, but it also makes everyone feel naturally comfortable. At the very least, it will be disappointing, and more seriously, it will hurt the feelings of the other person and eventually lead to the end of the friendship between the two people. So, if you have your own ideas, it's best to be witty and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Only in this way can both parties avoid falling into awkward situations and at the same time achieve better results in interpersonal interactions.
Second: Seeing intervening in the lives of others as a benevolent contribution. On Douban, we often discuss such a topic: "Which behaviors do you think are particularly low in emotional intelligence?" Among the many options, the highest ranking is actually "pointing". There are often people in life who always act like "I know better than you" and like to comment on other people's lives. They always say things like "listen to me", "you should" or "this is wrong". They themselves are confident and proud, even if they are extremely rejected by others. Could it be that the elders who encourage others to get married and have children as soon as they meet are silently blacklisted by their own children? Also, don't those who interfere in their friends' lives or criticize others, such as teachers, end up feeling lonely and powerless? The most important thing to avoid when communicating with adults is to forcibly intervene in other people's lives.
Third: Even if you live a good life, everyone's experience may be different. If you're not having a good life, such a long lecture might just make you seem more proud.
Some people are too eager to educate others. In fact, they just want to show off, and in the end they can only ask for their own hardships.
Teacher Jin Weichun once said: "I am just an ordinary person, how can I be someone else's tutor? As long as I don't like teaching people anymore, I've really done a big thing. ”
Similarly, Qi Baishi, a famous master of Chinese culture, has never claimed to be an authority in the industry. He even told his students: "Learn my method and you can improve yourself, but if you imitate me, you will fail." ”
So stop acting like you're dictating someone else's life or trying to educate them. Otherwise, it is likely that the original harmonious friendship will be destroyed.
Fourth, it is a mistake to treat showing off as sharing.
I heard a very interesting story.
The boss's company goes bankrupt due to poor management, and his wife wants a divorce. When his friends learned of the news, they invited him and some other old friends to his house, hoping to bring him some joy.
The friends at the banquet knew that the boss's family was in dire straits, so they were all very careful to avoid topics related to the boss's profession. However, a friend of mine surnamed Wu has been doing a lot of business recently and making a lot of money, but after a few drinks, he arrogantly began to proudly brag about how good his income was. …His expression was really cold.
After hearing this, the angry boss's face became extremely gloomy. He kept making excuses to go to the bathroom or wash his face. In the end, he couldn't stand the arrogance of Friend Wu anymore, drank a glass of wine, and went out angrily.
Feng Jicai once expressed this view in the book: "To live quietly is to enjoy life better; To show off yourself is to live with others. ”
In our daily lives, we often encounter similar situations. Some people like to show off their happiness, money, knowledge, etc. However, such displays tend to make others feel uncomfortable.
Dale Carnegie, the famous success scholar, once said, "Know how to restore your light at the right time so as not to hurt others." ”
As the saying goes, "The beams die first." "Maintaining a long-term and stable relationship requires humility, humility and kindness to others.
Fifth, it is a misconception that arguing with others is a sign of justice.
Sometimes you will meet such people. As soon as they speak, a few words can shut you up.
For example, if you tell someone that smoking is bad for your health, they will immediately refute it. Many people smoke all their lives but are still healthy and live to be 80 or 90 years old.
Similarly, if you advise young people to work as hard as they can, they will think, "Oh, even if you work hard, you can't succeed without the protection of those in power." ”
Either way, they love to fight you. You may think you are eloquent and have unique ideas, but to others, you may appear bitter and full of negative emotions.
Comedian Li Xueqin once said on a TV show, "When choosing a school, if you don't have the major you want, choose your favorite major." As a result, the host Xu Tianqi ran for public office. At this time, he seemed to be trying to dissuade me, saying that I should choose a popular major. Li Xueqin had no choice but to explain again. I mean, if you can't find a popular major, it's better to choose a career that you like. In the end, Xu Tianqi still said firmly: "But instead of choosing what you like, choose what you love!" "It was a very awkward atmosphere. Everyone knows "love" in their hearts. What Li Xueqin said was not true. This is equivalent to Xu Tianqi's so-called "like". One of the people in the crossfire said with emotion: "I used to have such friends, but we are no longer friends. ”
This constant persistence in arguing with others is not only easy to lose in the long run, but – in terms of friendships, it is also affected. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas, and too much discussion will only increase each other's frustration and exhaustion.
Entrepreneur Ying Mingxian once summed up this: no matter what happens, many times you have to fight to the death. If you don't endure it, who will? To think about the long term in this way is to sacrifice your own future.
We Chinese often say: "Only by speaking carefully can we be down-to-earth".
The so-called people with high emotional intelligence are not only the people we usually see who can speak well, but also the people who know how to grasp the sense of balance and boundaries when speaking.
Don't embarrass your friends with innocuous jokes, and don't deliberately interfere in their private affairs. Always be mindful of the distance between friendships. Only then will your friendship last.
Please support me a lot Avoid harmful social skills and try to be a kind, polite, generous, and humble person!