I remember that a ** blogger said that he was most afraid of the New Year when he was a child, not because of the sound of firecrackers, but because of the childlike atmosphere among relatives.
His parents always like to pick on his thorns in front of relatives and friends, making him feel like a transparent person who can't stand anywhere.
When he grew up, he went home less often, because every time he went home, it was like being interrogated, a basket of questions about work and life, and after asking, he had to listen to the dislike of being made less and no profit.
Every time I go home, I seem to have to re-examine my life choices: How did I come from such a family?
The Beijing Municipal Education Commission once conducted a survey and selected more than 3,000 middle school students and asked them what their attitudes were towards their parents.
The result was unexpectedly 5628% of the children are extremely disgusted or hateful to their own family.
When this number came out, I don't know how many parents sighed in their hearts.
What is it about a child who has such a great hatred for the parents who gave birth to him?
In the matter of raising children, which parents may quietly but surely push their children to the opposite side and become "enemies".
Parents, we need to keep an eye out.
Personality impairment due to negative blows
Speaking of which, a netizen on Zhihu shared his story, which was particularly touching.
She has been belittled and hit by her parents since she was a child.
For example, when she got a perfect score in the exam, the neighbors praised her, but her father said coldly: "The language is okay, but the math is very bad." ”
Or when others praise her for her good looks, her mother can always find fault: "Pretty what, look at her nose, it's like a pig's nose." ”
What I remember the most is that one year I ate round during the Chinese New Year, but I couldn't wear the school uniform.
She tried to button it in a panic, but her mother laughed at her on the side: "Look at our little fat pig, it's too ugly, what will you do in the future?" ”
She was so angry that she cried and begged her mother to delete **: How can there be a mother like you, I'm shameless? ”
Mom still said: "You are fat, who made you eat so much and not move." ”
After being denied for a long time, she became more and more inferior, and she was also full of hostility towards her parents.
After graduating from college, she was reluctant to go home, and her relationship with her parents became farther and farther away.
Psychologist John Goldman has said that parental ridicule, contempt, and belittlement are the main culprits of children's low self-esteem.
Those negative words are like a curse, making children constantly doubt themselves: "Am I really that bad?" ”
Such children may grow up to have a hard time trusting their parents and even lose confidence in the whole world.
Everyone wants to be recognized by those around them, especially children, who need the approval of their parents to support their growth.
So, dear parents, don't be stingy with your encouragement and trust.
Only when you accept your child first can your child learn to accept himself and grow up confidently and happily.
High-pressure control leads to personality distortions
This problem is well reflected in a hit drama "Minglong Boy".
There is a plot in the play where the mother bathes her high school son, which is suffocating to watch.
The mother wanted her son to eat more meat to grow up, but the dishes that her son liked refused to clip for him.
What's even more excessive is that in her dormitory, regardless of whether there are outsiders or not, she asks her son to take off his pants to wipe his body.
The son was at the mercy of his mother in full view, embarrassed and helpless, and carried down his tears and "shame" together.
Such suffocating control made his son timid and afraid to express himself.
I didn't even have the courage to take leave to go to the toilet in class, and I was extremely embarrassed.
His mother never gave him room to breathe, and life was almost all about learning and memorizing words.
This life made him not only timid and cowardly, but also the object of ridicule and bullying by his classmates.
Psychologist Li Xue has a saying: "Parental control is stretched to the **, and the child will experience pain there for the rest of his life." ”
Many parents always impose their will on their children in the name of love and never really listen to their children's hearts.
In fact, this so-called love is often the greatest harm.
As children grow older, they become more self-conscious, and once they are able to live independently, they will find ways to escape from their parents, and when the time comes, the hatred will explode and it may be too late to repair the relationship.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said: "The whole secret of educating children is to believe in children and liberate them." ”
As parents, we should be the guides of our children, not the decision-makers.
Listen to your children's ideas, respect their choices, and let your children become the masters of their own lives.
In this way, children will feel the love and respect of their parents, and they will cherish the relationship more.
Parents are emotionally out of control, and their children are in the shadow of their lives
Recently, there was a ** very popular on the Internet, a mother lost control of her emotions because her daughter accidentally dropped the ice cream on the ground, and she scolded and pushed her daughter.
The daughter fell and didn't get up yet, and the mother kicked again.
The child cried and begged for mercy: "Mom, don't. ”
As a result, the mother became more and more excited, and even picked up a chair and wanted to hit her daughter.
The people around him came to dissuade them, and the situation did not deteriorate further.
Afterwards, the mother explained: "I just can't control my emotions. ”
But if no one else stops it in time, the consequences are unimaginable.
Ice cream can be bought again, skirts can be washed, but the parents' emotions are out of control for a while, and the damage to the child is far-reaching.
There is a father in Ryoko's Interview, and his actions have left an indelible shadow on the growth of his children.
For example, once the child did not clean up the peanut shell after eating peanuts, the father suddenly lost control of his emotions and made the child kneel under the sun for a long time.
There was even a time when the mother did not agree because the child wanted to go to his aunt's house to play, and the mother's reaction was extreme to smash the child with a mobile phone and strangle his neck with a mobile phone rope.
Educator Yin Jianli said that if you lose your temper with your child, you may cause seven points of harm to your child.
Parents' emotional out-of-control not only hurts their children, but also makes children lose their sense of trust and choose to stay away from their parents.
As parents, we need to learn to manage our emotions and not let the stress of work and life affect our relationship with our children.
Find reasonable ways to release emotions and be calm with your child, so that your child feels truly safe and happy.
Only emotionally stable parents can raise children who are full of security and face life positively.
A harmonious parent-child relationship is the most stable cornerstone of a child's growth.
On this basis, children will feel loved, learn respect, and be willing to be educated.
As Mr. Lu Xun said: "The existence of parents is not to give their children a comfortable and prosperous life, but to let children think of their parents, their hearts are full of strength and warmth, and they have the courage and ability to overcome difficulties, so as to enjoy the fun and freedom of life." ”
May all parents recognize that the way they get along with their children needs to be adjusted and improved from time to time.
It is only through understanding and respect that a harmonious parent-child relationship can be truly established.
Let's work together to grow together with our children and build a loving and understanding family.