Parent-child education.
First, in the eyes of parents, the child's problems are endless. If the child does not like to talk, parents want him to be outgoing; The child is outgoing, and the parents think he is too naughty; The child is very well-behaved, but does not like to learn; I love to learn, but I have no friends; I have a lot of friends, but I don't know how to screen ......In short, parents' worries and anxieties are endless, and no one has to envy anyone.
Second, most parents do not see the connection between their children's behavior and their own parenting style. Parents always hope to find a prescription for their children, and even spend a lot of money to send their children to various training camps for centralized "repair", and they are not willing to think about whether they have done something wrong, whether they can improve and make up for it.
Third, a large number of parents are anxious when they see their children have various "problems". Before the child is 3 years old, when it can be done with simple and rude, parents will not turn to others and knowledge. But in fact, the most important time to shape a child's character is before the age of 3. Before the child is 3 years old, you do it right, and after the child is 3 years old, you will be very worry-free and labor-saving. Of course, this does not mean that you did not do well enough before, and when the child grows up, you will not have a chance. Parents can feel the change at any time, and the child can give a positive response, because "the child loves us more than we love the child"!
In this process, the most important place for parents is themselves. If the child does not realize that growth is his own business, we can only wait and demonstrate, and cannot arrange life for him. However, we can arrange and change our lives. When we focus on ourselves, our children will feel relaxed and that change can be real.
Through your change, let your child have confidence in learning and change, and have confidence in love, which is what it means to accompany your child to grow up for life. I don't just care about children, I care about you even more!
What kind of love is unconditional love?
As long as unconditional love is mentioned, many parents will feel that what they give their children is, of course, unconditional love.
However, do we really love our children without conditions?
For example, if your child's grades are poor, do you still love him? The child got into trouble and bled other children, do you still love him? If your child goes astray, will you give him a chance?
Many parents will say, "Yes, I still love him." ”
Parents feel that they love their children and love him unconditionally, no matter how big the mistakes the children make, home is the last harbor for their children. There are many parents who even disown their children and end up leaving their inheritance to their children.
But let's reflect on it, is the unconditional love we usually express to our children?
Many parents have unconditional love for their children, but they don't express it in the right way. Parents often say threatening words, such as "If you want to do this again, I won't love you anymore", "If you want to do this again, I won't care about you", "If you want to do this again, I'll give you away".
We must learn to accept imperfections, every child must have an imperfect side, see more of the child's good places, and find the bright spots is the direction to promote a child's growth and progress. When parents keep letting their children have more and more bright spots, the dark places will become less and less.
But how is it possible to express unconditional love if you have your eyes glued to the dark parts all day and you are anxious every day?
Finding the bright side of your child and actively trying to amplify it is the most effective way for your child to gain self-esteem and self-confidence.
By expressing love and appreciation for your child, your child will become more confident and optimistic.
Therefore, parents all over the world should let their children know that they are unconditionally appreciated and accepted. In this way, no matter what difficulties are encountered, the child can get through.
The first pillar in parenting is unconditional love.
In unconditional love, the principle that there is no need for exchange is very important.
Many parents like to exchange with their children, saying to their children: "If you do well in the exam this semester, Dad will buy you a bicycle." At the end of the semester, when I looked at the results, I immediately said, "The grades are so bad, and you still want to buy a bicycle?" Didn't buy it. ”
At the moment when the parents cancel the award, the child can immediately feel who the parents love - the parents love the grades, not themselves at all.
As parents, we need to ignite a sense of worth in our children's hearts, not extinguish the fire in their hearts all day long.
How to ignite? Spot the bright spots, and offer praise, try not to use material rewards, but to give them meaning.
That is, when the child does something right, you don't say "do a good job, dad gives you money", but "do a good job, the meaning of this thing is .......""Parents should point out the meaning of what their children do, and praise their children should also praise their children's spiritual core.
So, when parents always use this kind of exchange to encourage their children, the result is that the child thinks that doing all this right thing is meaningless, there is no joy, and there is no happiness. Even if he did well, he did not feel the joy of knowledge itself and the improvement of his self-esteem, because the principle of exchange of parents was based on material rewards.
Next, if there is no reward, it is not interesting to take the first place. Parents gradually let their children ignore the very important things and pursue the unimportant things instead.
What is something very important? Knowledge.
It's important to understand the world, to gain the ability to learn, to know that you're good.