On a trip back to my hometown, I witnessed the daily interaction between Fa Xiao and her son, and I was amazed.
The little boy concentrates on his work on the sand, depicting a vivid figure with a childish approach. The friend walked over with a smile, gently stretched out his finger to slightly modify the pattern, added a stroke, and said, "There are fewer mouths here." ”
The son unhappily erased the mouth drawn by his mother and said firmly: "This person has no mouth." When my friend heard this, he couldn't help but laugh and said, "Who have you ever seen who doesn't have a mouth?" ”
Enraged, the son angrily trampled on the entire painting, shouting, "No more paintings!" The friend was also angry, glared at his son and raised his voice: "I am kind enough to teach you, but you are tough with me, and you really don't know who you are like if you are stubborn." ”
At this time, the son grabbed a handful of sand and threw it at his mother: "Bad mother, I hate you!" The friend was so angry that he threatened to beat his son.
In the daily life of this family, this intense interaction is played out almost every day. My friend himself said with emotion that other people's mothers are kind and filial, but their family is like an enemy.
Why is it that parents love their children very much, but their children do not feel it, and even show an attitude of hatred? These three types of parents can easily raise "enemy" children, especially the third type.
"Parents who are too focused on results".
The first is parents who are too results-oriented. When the baby was born, we all thought it was so cute. But as our children grow up, so does our love – we give love and recognition only when they behave well and achieve something.
If the child does not do a good job, we show impatience and blame. Just like a friend correcting a child's drawing, she only focuses on the result, but ignores the child's own creative enthusiasm and hard work.
Such parents can make their children feel that their worth depends on achievement, leading to weak self-esteem. They may become competitive and break down and even develop resentment towards their parents if they fail or are frustrated.
"Parents who are too controlling".
The second is parents who control too much. I once asked a child about his ideal school for college, and he said that the farther away from his parents, the better.
This child's parents have a lot of control over him, from dressing to making friends, he has to obey his parents' arrangements. When parents control their children too much, children can have power struggles or retaliatory behaviors with their parents.
As the degree of parental control deepens, the child may become more and more rebellious. They may deliberately turn against their parents as a way to vent their frustrations.
This will not only lead to estrangement from the parent-child relationship, but may also breed hatred for the child's parents. Parents should give their children a little more freedom and respect, so that they have room to play, so that the parent-child relationship will be closer.
"Emotionally out-of-control parents".
The third type is parents who are often emotionally out of control. Such parents often yell at their children and even hit their children over trivial matters.
Although they know it's not good, they can't control their emotions. Negative emotions from parents can be passed on to children, making them irritable and irritable.
And children who have experienced too many negative emotions will respond violently when they encounter things, because they also don't know how to solve problems in a gentle way.
Therefore, parents should learn to control their emotions and educate their children in a gentle way.
In summary, parenthood is a spiritual practice. We need to learn how to love our children properly, how to express love appropriately, and how to give them the right amount of freedom and respect.
In this way, we can let children feel the warmth and strength of love, and establish a healthy and intimate parent-child relationship.