If the relatives are not harmonious, the family will be defeated.
The importance of family is well known.
However, how to run a family needs to be carefully pondered and adjusted according to the actual situation.
Schopenhauer said, "The need to socialize drives them together, but the many disgusting virtues of each drive them apart." Finally, they found the right distance to tolerate each other, and that was politeness. ”Relatives are the people we need all our lives, but because of getting along closely, there are too many intersections, and there are disputes over interests, etc., it is easy to turn against each other.
When we become adults, we will find that if we want to be comfortable with our relatives, we must keep three distances: three feet, three feet, and three inches.
The residence is three feet away, and there is little right and wrong.
In my hometown, many old houses are connected and fenced.
Walking into a gate, on the left and right, there is a family, two brothers, or parents and sons.
There are also some large quadrangles, where generations live in different directions.
It seems that a large family, several generations in the same house, is lively, but the contradictions in it are unacceptable. What's even more difficult to accept is that you have a conflict with your loved ones, and you have to live in one place, staring at each other every day.
For the so-called liveliness, there are always people who wronged themselves and squeezed out a smile.
When Mr. Lu Xun was in Beijing, he lived in a courtyard house with his younger brother Zhou Zuoren for a long time.
Brothers drift north together, and living together can take care of each other, which is a good thing. But it turns out that the way they get along has caused a lot of contradictions, which led Zhou Zuoren to write to Lu Xun, saying"Please don't come to the back yard in the future, if you don't have anything else, may you feel at ease and respect yourself." ”
After receiving his brother's words, Lu Xun decisively moved out.
In addition, there are some women whose mother's house is the next-door neighbor, or the same courtyard and the same unit. As long as there is a conflict between the young husband and wife, the in-laws and the mother-in-law will quarrel.
Over time, people gradually improved their rental conditions, so that brothers and sisters in the countryside would each build a house; People in the city will also split up and live in different neighborhoods.
Three zhang away, it is to draw a clear line, you don't care about me, I don't care about you, the sound of pots and pans at home, the noise of noise, will not be heard.
Although it is a bit cruel to clean the snow in front of each person, it can really make the family comfortable and not be an eyesore because of one person.
Speak three feet away, less hurt.
In "Xing Shi Hengyan", it is said: "The tongue is the source of interests, and the mouth is the door of blessing and misfortune." ”When relatives get together, it is indispensable to chat, discuss family matters, or discuss trivial matters in life. There are also people who complain about grievances and society.
It is also common to open your mouth to borrow money. Occasionally make a few complaints, open your mouth to collect debts, and ridicule people.
You can't avoid talking, no one can be silent, but you can't talk nonsense either. Therefore, we need to keep a distance of three feet.
Think about it, when relatives get along, there are two people who talk secretly and make the appearance of biting the root of their ears, which is easy to be misunderstood by everyone, and it seems that something unsightly happened to them; If it's too far away, you can't hear it clearly. Three feet, just right, can hear clearly, but if you want to do it, you can't hook it, and it won't cause physical conflicts.
And, if the other person's words are hard to hear, you can walk away in time and not be too close to get up.
Let's take an analogy. Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei became brothers and supported the Han family together.
In the allusion of the three visits to the thatched house, Zhuge Liang was not seen after two visits. During the third visit, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were displeased, and Liu Bei said: "Back then, Duke Qi Huan asked to see Dongguo Savage, and he went five times. I'll go three times, and it doesn't matter. ”
Zhang Fei immediately gave himself a step and said, "The two elder brothers are going, how can the younger brother fall behind." ”
From the chat, it can be seen that the three can act together and respect each other. If someone does not agree to visit Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei will not force it.
Get together because of intimacy, respect because we have personality with each other, leave room for talking, and because we will see each other next time. Allow different voices, don't take some things too seriously, don't remember them all the time. This way of communication can advance and retreat freely without hurting feelings.
The heart is three inches wide, and there is little care.
Hugo said: "The widest in the world is the ocean, wider than the ocean is the sky, and wider than the sky is the human heart." ”It seems that we are all pursuing a state where our hearts are as wide as the sea, but we can't do it. After all, we are not saints, and it is inevitable that we have to worry about some things, and there are also small belly chicken intestines, especially in terms of family property, selfishness is also a common thing.
The ancients said, "Brothers, settle accounts." It also reflects the truth that relatives should be more truthful in terms of property.
According to the current situation of life, if the human heart is three inches wide, or three inches wider than others, it is already precious.
When distributing benefits, large amounts of things can be relatively balanced, and trivial things can be let go.
Facts have proved that most family conflicts are caused by small things. When it comes to big things like the distribution of houses and savings, everyone has a spectrum in mind.
No matter what conflicts occur in the family, immediately adjust your mentality and let the other party three inches. If you give way to each other, the family pattern is "wide heaven and earth".
Writer Zhou Guoping said: "The distance between the heart is the closest and the farthest." ”Socialize with relatives and repeatedly regulate the width of your heart, further is "cohesion", and taking a step back is "the sea and the sky"; A little wider is inclusive, and a little narrower is hand in hand to help.
Distance produces beauty, and beauty has a mist in the middle, hazy and elegant; Beauty has a scale in words, conveying the tenderness of life; Beauty lies in the width of people's hearts, inclusive but not conniving.
Emotions that are too hard are like shackles, and emotions that are too loose are dispensable. Therefore, relatives are not far away, not close, and they do not owe anything.
No matter what difficulties, troubles, or good things you encounter, you can do it quickly by working together.
The sea is wide and the fish jumps, and the family is wide and the people are free.