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What to do if your child often buys and buys
Listen to what Mr. He has to say!
A child's various behavioral problems may not be a big thing, but if they are not handled properly, they will have a huge impact on the child's physical and mental health and learning and growth. Children often buy and buy, which makes parents have a headache, and they are also worried that their children are too greedy for material enjoyment and do not seek progress, and they are even more worried that they will not be able to endure hardships and cannot support such consumption habits in the future.
To solve this problem, we must first look at what is the psychology behind children's frequent buying, buying, buying
The following points are common
Let's take a look
01 Behind the purchase is vanity comparison
Behind the purchase is vanity comparison. In the circle of classmates and friends, I have you or not, I have more than you, to show superiority, to be recognized and sought after.
02 Make friends by buying
Many children buy things that they don't need, and often bring various gifts to their classmates, unable to refuse the requests of their peers, and help their classmates pay, in fact, they just hope to integrate into the group and be accepted and recognized by everyone.
03 Behind the purchase is the emptiness of the spirit
Lack of pursuit, want to fill with material. With the emptiness in their hearts, many children don't know why they want to study, they can't see their future, and they don't know what the meaning of their lives is. I can't find a sense of value, and I don't have the motivation to pursue any dreams, so I can only rely on buying and buying to satisfy my current senses and material desires.
04 Behind the purchase is a lack of love
For various reasons, maybe parents are too busy and lack companionship, maybe parents often criticize and blame, express their dissatisfaction with their children, maybe parents often quarrel and ignore their children's feelings, maybe in a family with many children, children feel that their parents prefer their siblings, etc., and so on, the child thinks that at least you are willing to spend money for me through buying, buying, buy
Lack of love
05 Emotional venting, revenge consumption
When there is a problem in the parent-child relationship, the parents use authoritative criticism to suppress the child, the child has a lot of emotions towards the parents and cannot vent in other ways, I spend your money, let me be satisfied by myself, and make you feel distressed, and my heart is balanced.
06 Buying, buying, buying is a manifestation of not growing up
Since childhood, he has been responsive and well taken care of, has no concept of money, and does not understand that it is not easy for parents to make money. Self-centered, reckless of what you want, in fact, is a child who has not grown up.
07 Parents also have the habit of buying, buying, buying
Of course, there is also a possibility, that is, parents also have the habit of buying, buying, buying, because they have the economic strength to consume, so children see that their parents consume like this from an early age, and the power of "role model" is imperceptible.
That's all on the list
Has your child been recruited?
Faced with such a situation.
How should parents adjust?
I concludeFive ways, you can choose according to the actual situation.
Walk into the child's heart and communicate with the child's heart, not only to communicate things, but to pay more attention to the child's feelings and emotions, and pay attention to his thoughts. Let him feel that you value him and that he is important to you, not just well-behaved, sensible, obedient, and has good grades.
An important sign here is to have a day with your child.
We take the initiative to chat with our children, talk about things other than study, and talk about topics that children are interested in. Your child's willingness to talk to you shows that he is accepting you to be close to him, opening up to you, and trusting you. Building a close and trusting relationship with your child is essential and the foundation of everything.
Help your child develop the right values. In the process of chatting, affirm the child's positive beliefs and values in a timely manner, find out the inappropriate values that are biased, and not necessarily change him immediately, first understand the reasons why the child thinks so. Education is a long-term project, and problems are not formed overnight, and solutions are not done by talking once or twice, treating it as a project. To do a project, you need to make a plan, do a plan, and step by step to achieve the result.
It's the same with changing children's values, you can't be in a hurry, and if you are in a hurry, you may use our authority to criticize and reason, which is likely to destroy the relationship we have built up with great difficulty, maybe the child will not talk to you in the future, then you won't even have the opportunity to discover his distorted values, let alone influence and change him.
We can write down the values of the children we want to change, plan carefully, and arrange some appropriate opportunities for the children to change themselves through experience.
For example, children satisfy their vanity by buying and buying, and maintain friendship by constantly giving gifts, to change such values, it really takes a lot of effort, not something that you can simply solve by reasoning, reprimanding, or even restricting pocket money. This is to make him realize what can truly represent a person's value, what everyone values most among friends, and what is more precious than money.
A friend of mine, with children to participate in the travel trekking trip, half a month and a group of people from all over the world together to challenge the unknown world, regardless of status, everyone with their own wisdom and efforts, support each other, overcome one difficulty after another, establish a deep friendship, the child is also optimistic and positive persistence, won everyone's appreciation and praise. After this experience, the child completely changed his thoughts and life trajectory, had a new pursuit, and the whole person was much more down-to-earth and calm.
Guide your child to have his or her own goals and pursuits. At this time, life has a direction, the spirit also has sustenance, the heart is full, will not blindly immerse himself in material enjoyment and pursuit, when he begins to chase the dream in his heart, his parents are by his side to accompany him to encourage him, and even create some conditions for him to succeed, support him to gradually build confidence, more determined to move forward.
Dreams
Think
Give your children some responsibilities, let them experience life, and make some contributions for themselves, their families and even society.
One of my students' children felt that studying was too hard and boring, so he clamored not to go to school, and asked his parents to buy and buy. During the summer vacation, he was arranged to work for a month and earned 2,000 yuan, but after the end, he yelled that he was too tired and it was not easy to make money, but he still studied easily, and he would never spend money lavishly after that.
I also arranged a city life challenge for the children in my Sunshine Youth Training Camp, which was a very popular experience for the children, and the children spent a day on their ownUse your ability to earn lunch money, travel expenses, and complete challenge tasks.
When I returned to the camp in the evening, everyone felt very deeply, and I really experienced the difficulty of making money, and I also sighed that I still have to study, and I don't have to work so hard in the future to earn more money.
In order to let the child grow up, he needs to have the opportunity to experience life, take responsibility, and even endure hardships in order to accumulate experience and improve his ability, and to cherish and be grateful for what he has at the moment.
If your parents' buying habits will not be changed for a while, then you may have to accept that your child has formed such a consumption concept, and it is not easy for you to change him. But you can instill in him an idea of how much you can afford to spend how much you can spend, and if you earn it yourself, how you spend it you have freedom. Now that I earn you to spend, then I have the power to decide how much to spend on you. Set a quota for him, within which he has the freedom to spend, exceed, sorry, no. If you want, find a way to earn it yourself. If you really want to spend at this time, I can be accommodating to advance it from next month's amount, but it must be deducted next month.
This process is to test whether the parents can keep the bottom line, you can't be a coquettish child, you will be soft-hearted, and you will be accommodating when you are in a good mood. Of course, the family also has to unite the front, and if the father is stuck, the mother releases the water, and the grandparents secretly give money, then it can't be implemented.
Let children develop a sense of responsibility for their own consumption, which can not only make children restrain the impulse to consume, but also motivate children to strive to grow and improve, so that they have the ability to support their own consumption desires and be responsible for their own lives.
Children's education is all-round, children's growth is not only learning and grades, we want to cultivate a mentally mature, physically and mentally healthy, can be responsible for their own life people, parents work together!
He Yanhong
Tutor of Yiwu Wheat Ear Flower Family Education Guidance Center.
Tutor of Relationship Studies.
Nationally registered second-level psychological counselor.
Mentor for Adolescent Mental Development.
* |Yiwu women.
Edit |Bao Jiahui.
First instance |Jin Jingwen.
Second instance |Chen Yao.
Final Judgment |Jinchuang.