vol.[3-2-1 Lifelong Growth Strategy].
Today's article is written for friends who are accustomed to being "good old people" in life and work, behind the "good old people" is often the "moral discipline" in the subconscious for a long time, if you are such a person, I want to talk to you:When encountering problems in interpersonal relationships, we must learn to "pick it up and put it down gently". People who dare not disdain things and are not inclined to express themselves always seek to solve one thing gently, and many times they leave a heavy blow to their hearts.
important points.
I saved up moral values and lost myselfValueBecause of the education and cultural influence of childhood, many people will subconsciously have some kind of high moral requirements for themselves, such as harmony is the most important thing in everything, and no matter how much they encounter problems, they can't hurt their harmony with others and lose their demeanor ......But in reality, the more such people are, the more likely they are to hold back internal injuries in the accumulated silence, depression and even some somatization symptoms. If you don't reach the realm where everything is vain, but you ask yourself to behave like a saint, it will inevitably be distorted. Taking a step back, even Confucius, who is known as a sage, cannot always be calm when he encounters people and things that he is not used to. "To be old and not to die is to be a thief! "Noya, Yuya! ”
He scolded people without repetition, creating a lot of precedents. There is a word called "swallowing the voice", the breath is not clear, the sound is not smooth, from the perspective of health, it is a great harm to the body. In addition, every swallowing of anger corresponds to unexpressed emotions, which are essentially choices and behaviors that reduce self-worth. For the sake of a "well-cultivated" outside the body, it is really impossible to suffer double physical and mental damage.
ⅱ.The gas that is not spilled will not disappear out of thin airThe anger that is not spilled out in interpersonal interactions usually has two destinations:One is to hold yourself out of internal injuries, and the other is to project onto the closest people. Part of the reason why we tend to be calm with people we have a relationship with or a stranger, but we always lose control of our emotions with people close to us, comes from our unexpressed emotions.
In the presence of intimate people, we are in a more secure and fragile attachment relationship, and the frustration of not being able to express emotions smoothly is more likely to be activated, even if it seems to be unrelated to what we have experienced before, it can become the fuse of the quarrel.
In many TV dramas, there are characters who are "in the nest", submissive in front of outsiders, and when they get home, they immediately seem to be a different person, talking with a gun and a stick, and they are angry and not paying for their lives. This is a manifestation of extreme distortion after a long period of physical and mental disharmony.
ⅲ.I have to pick it up before I can put it downWhen I say that I should pick it up again and put it down gently, I don't mean to encourage everyone to quarrel, but because many people don't have the step to pick it up at all, they persuade themselves to put it down, which is very difficult. So it becomes a matter of picking it up gently, and then putting it down heavily in another way (and many times it can't be put down). Picking it up again doesn't mean turning yourself into a machine gun and grabbing a fierce outlet. Rather, it means that you should take the problems you encounter and your emotions seriously, and don't always think about calming things down and pressing them down. When we were young, we were taught that adults and children could not interject when they spoke, and that we were required to ask questions only with the permission of the teacher when we went to school, so many people did not know how to express themselves. Whether it's at work or in an intimate relationship, not being able to express what you think and feel can make a big difference. 
Mindfulness and meditation have been popular these days, and one of their main effects is to help you feel the present moment and feel the most authentic response of your brain and body.
The more you practice, the more you can "take care of yourself" at other times.
When self-expression is satisfied, it slowly transitions to gradually downplaying most of the people and things in life, while narrowing down the focus on one aspect of self, which is what I call "letting go gently".
thoughts.
Changing your life starts with changing a small habit
The philosopher William James wrote in a book:
Our whole life, in its definite form, is nothing more than a set of habits—practical, emotional, and intellectually ......Irresistibly leading us to our respective destinies. ”
The theme of "Hot and Hot" is to love yourself, but it is not only driven by a change in mind, but also by a series of habits brought about by learning boxing.
When your mindset is ready, remember to keep up with the action.
There may be beauty in your fears
Many times, the good things in life are on the other side of your fears.
It's like sometimes we hate someone for no reason, but it's because they have something in them that you want but don't dare to have.
Carl Jung once said, "Your fear is in, your task is in."
This is not a true statement, of course, but it may help you when you can't break the game.
1 question
What are some of the things you're most afraid of doing that might be good for you?