Eight months after I left, I dared to write about that dark experience. During that time, I had low self-esteem and timidity, I was submissive, I couldn't eat well, I couldn't sleep well, not only psychologically, but also physically.
I sat in the passenger seat and listened to her roar in my ear, my eardrums buzzing one after another under the attack of the sound. I couldn't understand what she was saying, or if the eardrums were blocking what she was going to say. This is my friend and boss, and it is the first time that I have received such harsh criticism and accusations, and I am not yet able to defend myself.
It was the worst of her outbursts, but it wasn't the one that hit me the hardest. Because before this, the sense of powerlessness and frustration brought to me by trivial little things was close to the peak. She said she was disappointed by what I was doing; She would question me: Don't you know why I'm doing this; She would say that if you do a little bit better, this project will not end up like this; She told me not to speak if I didn't understand; She would say over and over again in front of other people that I didn't have a good relationship with a colleague; She would also tell me that she wasn't ...... the job
I sometimes even feel that even if I laugh, she might look at me with disdain. I became more afraid to express my opinions, to speak to my colleagues, and to do any work that she was not authorized to do. I am getting more and more inferior, and I am becoming more and more timid, and sometimes I am shocked when I hear her **, and she looks down on me more and more.
At that time, I used to sit in the empty lobby on the first floor at night, scrolling through my phone over and over again, just turning the pages, until late. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know why I'm the way I am, my mind is in a mess, I can't think about it properly.
Until a pass ** came over and rescued me. A former colleague who had only been with me for 5 months wanted me to work for his company. I told him over and over again that I was not capable enough to do the job he offered, not because I was modest, but because I really thought I was not good at the time. He told me over and over again that I was recognized for my work attitude and ability. We talked a lot and talked a lot about working together before.
Put down**, I think of a question, for doing the same kind of work, she belittles me and thinks I can't do it well, he is sure that I think I can do it well, why is there such a big difference? Which of them is right? I went through the previous 5 years of work experience, including the results achieved, the recognition of colleagues, the criticism received, the mistakes made, etc. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I was not as good as he said I was, and I was not as bad as she said I was.
Suddenly the word pua came to mind. I was so excited that I immediately searched for a workplace PUA. Half an hour later, I calmed down. It's almost certain that what I'm going through is PUA. Then I left, and although I no longer do the same job, the confidence that came from my work slowly returned, and the whole state is getting better and better.
I came out and became myself again. I want to share this thing with you because I want to give you two small pieces of advice that you may also be experiencing PUA, I hope it can help.
Clause. First, the early detection can be withdrawn as soon as possible to avoid more damage. One is that PUA is usually wrapped in beautiful clothes, and the other is that we as authorities are lost in it. So a lot of times, we don't know that we're experiencing PUA, and that's when we need to rely on external forces. For example, when you have been criticized and criticized by your colleagues and leaders, or even insulted by your personality, you can confide in your friends and family, and maybe they can give you advice or even remind you. For example, you can carefully observe whether the other person's speech and behavior are the same in front of you and in front of other people, and you can distinguish and find out for yourself.
Clause. 2. Correctly understand yourself, don't be arrogant, and don't be arrogant. People are diverse, and one person's views are one-sided, which is not enough to characterize what kind of person you are. When you are criticized or praised by others, you can reflect on whether these words are exaggerated. #pua#