If a person does not receive true love as a child or is emotionally neglected, he may not be able to discern true love as an adult.
It's as if we can tell the taste of apples even when we're blindfolded because we've tasted apples before.
Those who have tried true love can easily discern when faced with love, while those who have never been pampered by love are alien to love.
They lack the experience of being loved to support their judgment of love, and they are full of nihilistic imagination about love.
They may only know about love through TV, **, etc.**, but ** is exaggerated, so they are likely to be prejudiced against true love, ignoring the love that once gave them boundaries and freedom, and investing in one inappropriate person after another.
The above manifestations arise from a psychological mechanism known as the internal psychology, which refers to the process of classifying external information as internal psychology.
To put it simply, after spending a lot of time with a person, you will absorb some of their qualities, like:"Those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black"status. Parents, as the most important internal objects of children, have a great influence on children.
If parents are accustomed to solving problems by yelling and arguing, then children will also learn to resolve conflicts in this way. If the parents are cold and unfeeling, the child may also become detached.
If parents do not care about their children and do not give their children high-quality love, then children will naturally not be able to form a correct perception of love. When faced with love, they tend to have two situations.
The first situation is the fear of love.
Usually we perceive the world through the environment.
When a person is in a loveless environment, he may think that this loveless environment is normal and subconsciously think that he should not be loved.
Once someone gives him love, beyond his normal understanding, he may feel that the other party has a plan and dare not accept this love. He may even take the other person's love as torture, and the more the other person expresses his affection, the more he wants to escape.
The second situation is not knowing how to love someone.
Because love begins with imitation, people often love others in the way they have been loved.
But for people who have not experienced being loved, they are naturally unable to convey love.
Even if they want to love, they often fail to grasp the scale, either too intensely and need to be compensated, or too cold.
Therefore, many people obviously love each other very much, but they hurt the relationship in specific actions.
For example, being sensitive and suspicious, lacking trust in one's partner, hurting the other person with sharp language, or choosing not to speak during an argument and becoming cold and avoidant.
These deep reasons may be because they themselves have never really been loved, so they can only treat their partners in some lacking ways of love.
I'm not sharing this to mean that we didn't get high-quality images when we were kids and that we couldn't find true love and wouldn't love it.
This concept is mentioned in the hope that we will be aware of the possible causes when we are emotionally lost, rather than self-doubt or attack. And we are well positioned to change that dilemma.
For a person who has grown up in a loveless environment, the essential reason for feeling fear in the face of feelings is because they do not believe that they will be loved and are afraid of being abandoned.
Therefore, they will overthink when facing love, such as whether the other person is sincere to them, whether they really love themselves, how long the love will last, and so on.
Overthinking causes them to be unable to enjoy the moment and to truly enter into a relationship.
As a result, the less love they have, the more habitually they are unable to learn how to love others.
Therefore, to change this, you must first learn to enjoy the moment and not think too much about why the other person likes you and how long their love lasts.
You just need to accept the other person's attitude and experience what it feels like to be loved.
In this process of being loved, gradually discern what is truly loved for you.
You know, our internal object is not only our parents, we can see the appearance of love in many people.
As long as you open your heart and are willing to accept the influx of love, eventually you will be loved by this love**.
Do you understand?