List of high-quality authors
March 8, Goddess Day.
Bing Xin said: "If there are no women in the world, the world will lose at least five-tenths of its truth, six-tenths of its goodness, and seven-tenths of its beauty." ”
However, in life, many women blur their existence and silently hide behind the family since they put on their wedding dresses.
Gradually, they forget who they are and become loving mothers, considerate wives, and ...... wholeheartedly
82-year-old female writer Yang Benfen used her own experience to warn everyone: while loving others, don't forget self-growth.
She also relied on marriage and spent her whole life paying, but in exchange for arrogance and contempt, as well as scars engraved in her heart.
In her old age, she picked up a pen and paper and wrote the painful loveless marriage and difficult self-redemption into "My Fragrance".
In the book, she assumes the name of the protagonist Chen Huicai, and in order to find a backer, she hurriedly marries a man she is not familiar with.
Who knows, marriage not only did not shelter her, but broke her wings and trapped her in despair for most of her life.
The hardships experienced by Chen Huicai are a wake-up call for all women:
In this life, what a woman can rely on is never marriage, nor family, but herself.
People who use marriage as a lifesaver.
On the contrary, it is easier to be crushed.
In "My Fragrance", the protagonist Chen Huicai has been smart and studious since childhood.
She longed to change her fate through reading, but she didn't expect the road to study was extremely bumpy.
When she was studying at a secondary school in Changsha, the school suddenly closed, and she had to go to Jiangxi to study as a teacher.
Seeing that she was about to graduate, she was sent to the countryside to farm by the school because of her poor family background.
Huicai was disheartened and planned to pack his belongings and go back to his hometown, but learned from an acquaintance that something had happened to his family.
Her father starved to death in the turmoil, and her mother left with her younger brother, leaving her homeland with no place for her.
Huicai, who has a bleak future and is homeless, was suddenly pushed to the brink of despair by fate.
When she was desperate, Dr. Lu, who had a good impression of her, asked someone to tell her: "I can send you to study, provided that you marry me first." ”
As soon as he heard the word "marriage", Huicai, who was not yet 20 years old, was stunned, and a wave of humiliation and fear surged in his heart.
All she wanted was to study hard and get a job, and she never planned to get married so early.
What's more, she and Dr. Lui have known each other for less than two months, and they don't even know each other's age, hobbies, and temperament.
Dr. Lu's promise was like a beam of light suddenly shining in a dark cave.
Huicai, who was confused, walked towards the light in a daze, expecting Dr. Lu to save himself.
But she never imagined that entrusting her fate to others would be the biggest tragedy in the world.
For Lu, getting married is just a task, and Hye-jae is just a free babysitter.
After marriage, he treated outsiders warmly and generously, but he was cold to his "own family" Huicai.
Except for the wedding night, he chatted with his colleagues in the dormitory every night, leaving Huicai alone in a farmhouse in the countryside.
Huicai was afraid of the dark at night, often had nightmares, and begged Lu to go home and stay for a few more days, but in exchange for a cold sentence of "scare yourself".
When Huicai was washing and cooking, raising chickens and ducks, and plowing the fields and planting vegetables, Lu also watched coldly and never stepped forward to help.
said that the matter of reading was delayed again and again by Lu Yi, and finally became a complete bubble.
Huicai originally thought that marriage was a turning point for him to change his fate, but in the end it became a shackle that bound him.
I remember the host Yang Lan said: "Marriage is to live together, not who supports whom, it is never marriage that can save you, but yourself." ”
There are too many people like Huicai, who always succumb to temporary vulnerability and desperately want to find refuge after experiencing the pain of their original family and the misfortunes of life and work.
They do not hesitate to rush into an uncertain relationship, easily entrusting themselves to another person in exchange for a so-called sense of security.
Unfortunately, this sense of security is not secure, and you can't be sure whether the other person will leave, or how much the other person gives.
And you who have lost your autonomy are like a fragile kite, which can only be manipulated and manipulated by others forever.
In the end, not only will you not be able to get out of the quagmire by relying on others, but you will fall into an even more desperate abyss.
People who don't love themselves are destined not to be loved by others.
After getting married, Huicai felt that he had gradually become a humble beggar.
While she worked hard to manage the housework, she begged her husband to give her a smile and a thoughtful word.
But even if she gave birth to three children in succession, she was still busy alone and couldn't get the slightest pity from her husband.
She asked Dr. Lu to help pour a basin of water for washing her feet, but Lu didn't move, and scolded with a cold face: "Don't be pampered." ”
She wanted Lu to sleep on the bed and help take care of the children at night, but Lu hid far away, disgusted that she had blood on her.
Before the confinement was out, she began to take care of the children and do housework, and Lu actually thought that she was cooking too slowly, so she scolded and turned the pot at home.
The neglect and injury again and again in the marriage completely wiped out the originally lively and cheerful Huicai into a complaining woman.
She always cried and said to Lu, "I didn't think you would treat me badly." ”
But after she wiped her tears, she thought again: It is better to have a man to rely on than to live alone.
So, she looked at Lu's face more and more carefully, and silently endured Lu's paranoia and cold violence.
But the more she lowered her profile, the less Lu took her seriously, and even treated her family rudely.
One year, Huicai's younger brother came all the way to visit her with two chickens.
Lu disliked that his younger brother had brought too few gifts, and his face was gloomy all day long, and he refused to say a word.
Seeing that Hui Cai was about to fry pork for his younger brother, Lu deliberately smashed the pot with a shovel and embarrassed his younger brother on the spot.
Another time, Huicai had surgery and was weak, and her mother, who was distressed, came from out of town to take care of her.
When his mother stewed chicken for Huicai, Lu actually pointed at his mother's nose and scolded: "Didn't she just eat chicken a few days ago?" ”
Looking at her husband's angry face and her mother's reddened eyes, Hye-jae's heart instantly cooled to the extreme.
I was busy with this family, and I couldn't even get basic respect, and I was humiliated with my family.
At that moment, Huicai sadly discovered: groveling does not bring love, but only natural harm.
As the writer Zhou Guoping said: "Those who do not love themselves will not have true love, only humble contributions." ”
When I was young, I always thought that as long as I gave my heart, I could reap the truth, and I could get a response if I worked hard to cater to it.
However, we all ignore the greed of human nature and the cruelty of reality.
If your efforts become cheap, it will give people confidence and breed infinite evil thoughts.
The more you give unreservedly, the more unscrupulously the other person will take it.
The more you grovel to please, the less likely the other person will take you seriously.
Once a person loses himself and pays too much, he will have endless suffering.
Every step you make and compromise will become a bargaining chip for others to bully you.
A woman who loves herself will be able to bloom sooner or later.
This marriage brought endless pain to Huicai and took away her beautiful years.
She revolves around her three children all day long, and she looks a little older than her peers.
She couldn't help but sigh that she was living a miserable life: she didn't succeed in school, she didn't find a serious job, and she was snubbed and treated harshly by her husband.
In desperation, she tied the rope into a loop and hung it on the window frame, determined to die to free her.
But when she was about to put her neck in it, she suddenly looked down and saw the sleeping face of her eldest daughter, and her heart couldn't help but tremble.
She thought: If a person is not even afraid of death, is he still afraid that he will not be able to live?
Since then, Hui Cai has decided to rely on her own labor to regain her dignity and support her small family.
She worked as a coolie, worked as an accountant, and went to a pharmaceutical factory to cut medicine ......As long as it is a job that can make money, she will try it.
Later, she also entered the transportation company, hugged the "iron rice bowl", and worked until retirement.
After falling behind in his work, Huicai picked up his books again and pursued his childhood dream.
In between housework, she would always take out a book to read for a while, and find someone to borrow a book to read.
In the dead of night, when the children are asleep, she also likes to spread out the paper and record her thoughts.
And the poems she wrote casually not only appeared in the magazine, but also allowed her to get the manuscript fee.
Under her influence, her three children also love to study, and all of them were admitted to university and found good jobs.
Once, Huicai regarded her husband as everything, and broke her heart for the family, but she didn't get a trace of respect and love.
Fortunately, after saving up enough disappointment, she gave up her expectations of others and decided to live for herself.
Alone in the wind and rain, she continued to grow upward, and finally blossomed in the ashes, exuding fragrance.
Behind the lights of thousands of homes in the world, countless women are burning themselves like Huicai in the past.
They try their best to please others, and they give humbly and relentlessly, but they forget to take care of themselves.
Jiang Xun said in "Six Lectures on Loneliness":
The first object of love in life should be yourself, write poems to yourself, talk to yourself, be quiet in a space, and listen to your heartbeat and breathing. I believe that when this life goes out, it will not panic.
This life is actually very short, so why do you have to wronged yourself and live in the background of someone else's life?
Instead of looking around for the ideal backer, it is better to strive to turn yourself into the ideal person.
Always cherish yourself, put self-growth first, and never miss any opportunity to shine.
When you learn to love yourself, you will break free from all kinds of shackles, awaken a free and independent soul, and bloom in the most beautiful years.
The bumpy experience of Huicai in "My Fragrance" is also a portrayal of the real life of the author Yang Benfen.
After suffering a lot in her marriage, she did not give up her self-exploration, but used words to build a spiritual refuge.
Despite being neglected and hurt, she has always been convinced: "The world can't see me, but I see me." ”
Throughout their lives, many women are accustomed to obeying other people's arrangements and letting others ask for them.
can accommodate and compromise in every way, not only indebted to himself, but also not good at living.
It is better to try to prioritize yourself and fight for dignity, freedom, and choice with independence; Use your hands to create beauty, surprise and possibility.
Love others with proportion, love yourself unconditionally, every woman is a flower in her life that will never wither.
Give it a thumbs up, start this Goddess Day, learn to be kind to yourself and care for yourself.
You just have to bloom freely, even if no one appreciates it, you have to live your own splendor and fragrance.
Author: Insight Xu Chaodu.