All problems eventually lead to self-growth, and we are all in this together.
[Why do my emotions look like uncontrollable mustangs?] 】
Have you ever noticed that sometimes your emotions are like a locked box that you can't control once you open it?
When you're overly anxious about a small mistake at work, or when you suddenly burst into anger at home because of an unintentional remark, is there a moment when you stop and wonder: Why am I doing this?
Such scenarios are not uncommon in our lives.
For example, Ms. Li (not her real name) shared her story in counseling.
Ms. Li is a bank clerk with a lot of work pressure and family responsibilities.
Once, she was criticized by her boss for making a small mistake at work, and on the way home, she was depressed and full of anxiety and self-blame.
After returning home, her child was coquettish to her because of a trivial matter, and Ms. Li suddenly broke out, feeling unbearable for the child's little rudeness, and her emotions were ** like a triggered dynamite.
At this moment, she felt deeply confused and helpless: how could she be so angry with her child?
Afterwards, Ms. Li felt regret and blame for her reaction, but she didn't know how to deal with the outburst.
This case introduces the topic we want to discuss: how do we understand our emotions and learn to express and manage them healthily without letting them spiral out of control at any moment like untamable wild horses?
Losing control of our emotions is a challenge for all of us.
It affects not only our personal mental health, but also our relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.
But before we can do that, we need to understand it deeplyWhat are the reasons behind the loss of emotional control, and why sometimes we feel like we are standing in the vortex of emotions, unable to extricate ourselves.
Through Ms. Li's story, we embarked on a journey of deeper understanding of emotion management.
In this process, we will explore together the nature of emotions, why they become so intense at certain moments, and how we can gradually learn to master them instead of being controlled by them.
[Behind the emotional out-of-control: why are we so difficult to control?] 】
In Ms. Li's case, we see a seemingly simple but complex problem of emotional management.
When she was under pressure, how to vent her emotions became a question that she was deeply puzzled about.
So, what exactly makes us lose our way in the sea of emotions?
First of all, we must recognize that emotional out-of-control is often inseparable from our family of origin and upbringing.
Ms. Li recalls her childhood when her parents often had frequent mood swings due to work pressure.
There are few demonstrations of emotional expression in the home, and parents are more inclined to "hide" emotions rather than discuss and express them openly.
This environment has taught Ms. Li to suppress her emotions from an early age, believing that this is the "right" way to deal with them.
Secondly, social and cultural factors also play an important role in how we vent and deal with our emotions.
In many cultures, showing emotions is considered a sign of weakness, especially for men.
This cultural background has influenced Ms. Lee's emotional expression, and she feels that it is not acceptable to show her emotions in public, especially in the workplace.
In addition, personal beliefs and values are deeply rooted in our emotional responses.
Ms. Li believes in her heart that as a mother and a working woman, she must always be strong and not show any weakness.
Such beliefs exacerbate the difficulty of managing her emotions, as whenever emotions surface, she self-criticizes herself for not living up to her standards.
Emotional out-of-control is also related to our perception of emotions themselves.
Many people, including Ms. Lee, have not learned how to recognize and name their emotions.
This lack of emotion recognition makes people feel confused and helpless in the face of emotions and don't know how to start dealing with them.
Finally, our physiological states, such as fatigue, hunger, or menstrual cycles, can also affect our emotional responses.
On Ms. Lee's day, in addition to work stress, she was also affected by severe sleep loss, which made it more difficult for her to manage her emotions effectively.
By digging deeper into the reasons behind these, we begin to see that emotional out-of-control is not a simple matter of personal willpower.
It is the result of a multitude of factors, from our upbringing to our socio-cultural background, to our personal perception of emotions and our physiological state, each of which plays a role.
Understanding these complex contexts is the first step in our exploration of how to manage our emotions more healthily.
[The wrong way to vent: when emotion management goes astray].
Ms. Lee's story continues as she tries several common but unhealthy coping strategies as she seeks to find out how to vent her emotions.
These strategies may seem like a temporary relief, but in reality, they have a profound impact on her mental health and relationships.
First, Ms. Li tried to avoid facing her emotions by overworking.
She thinks that as long as she's busy, she doesn't have time to think about the feelings that disturb her.
This approach seems to work in the short term, and Ms. Li gains some sense of accomplishment at work, but in the long run, it only makes her emotional problems worse.
She began to feel extremely tired, the balance of work and family life was severely disrupted, and the physical and mental exhaustion eventually led to burnout, and her emotional problems became more difficult to deal with due to chronic depression.
Secondly, Ms. Li tried to ease her emotions by shopping.
Whenever she feels stressed, she buys things she doesn't need, hoping for short-lived happiness in the hope of doing so.
However, over time, this fleeting sense of satisfaction quickly fades and is replaced by worry and guilt about the financial situation.
This behavior not only failed to solve her emotional problems, but instead increased the stress in her life.
Again, Ms. Li tried to vent her emotions through offensive words.
In the midst of arguments with her family, she found it increasingly difficult to control her words, often driven by anger to say hurtful things.
Although this venting brought her an instant sense of release, this behavior hurt her relationship with her family and caused a long-term estrangement and distrust.
Through these examples, we see that the wrong way of venting not only fails to effectively solve emotional problems, but can actually bring more psychological burden and damage to interpersonal relationships.
Overwork can lead to burnout and family alienation, shopping for emotional relief can bring financial stress and guilt, and offensive rhetoric can ruin intimacy and leave a rift that will be difficult to repair.
Ms. Lee's story reminds us that we need to be more careful about how we respond to our emotions.
The wrong paths, while seemingly providing us with a short-term refuge, will only lead us away from the real solution in the long run, and will sink us deeper and deeper into the emotional vortex.
[Discover the deep needs behind emotions: a heart-to-heart conversation].
During our counseling session with Ms. Lee, we explored her emotional management dilemmas.
A deep conversation reveals the deep needs and beliefs hidden behind her emotions.
"Ms. Li, you mentioned that you feel a lot of pressure at work, and when you come home, you have conflicts with your family over trivial matters. What is your strongest feeling in these situations? ”
I asked softly.
I felt so powerless and frustrated, as if I couldn't do anything right. Ms. Li's voice was full of helplessness.
"When you feel powerless and frustrated, what do you crave most? ”
I continued to guide the conversation, trying to get into her inner world.
I want. Maybe it's understanding and acceptance. I'm tired of constantly proving myself, I just want to be understood, my efforts and challenges to be seen. There was a hint of longing in Ms. Li's eyes.
This simple question allows us to discover the real need behind Ms. Li's emotions: the desire for understanding and acceptance.
Her long-term work pressure and family conflicts are not only superficial exhaustion and frustration, but also an unmet need to be recognized and understood.
We continued with the way Ms. Lee handled her emotions.
By analyzing the methods she has tried in the past, we found some patterns.
For example, the act of avoiding dealing with emotions through work is actually an attempt to gain recognition and self-worth through her achievements.
You've tried to find self-worth by working harder, but what other ways do you think it can help you find peace and fulfillment outside of work? ”
I asked a revealing question.
Ms. Li was silent for a moment, "Perhaps, I can try to spend time with my family and share my challenges instead of hiding them." I can also look for hobbies that help me relax and affirm myself. ”
Through this conversation, Ms. Li began to realize some of her behavior patterns and discovered her true needs.
She realizes that self-worth is not just about work achievement, and that true satisfaction comes from connecting with others and inner peace.
We also learned about some of Ms. Li's successes, such as how she communicated with her family during difficult times and how she found support in the face of challenges.
These experiences have provided her with new perspectives and helped her see that there are other possibilities and resources beyond what she has tried in the past.
This in-depth conversation helped Ms. Li discover her emotional buttons, sort out the belief cognitive patterns behind her emotions, and gain insight into the deep needs behind her emotions.
By discovering her strengths and successes, Ms. Li began to gain new insights into emotional management and took important steps in a healthier direction.
Finding the Answer from the Depths of Your Heart: A New Journey in Emotion Management
As we walk through Ms. Lee's story together, we witness a journey of emotional management and self-discovery.
Behind everyone's emotions, there are hidden deep needs and unheard voices.
In the process, we not only learn how to identify and express our emotions, but more importantly, we begin to understand the deep meaning and needs behind them.
I would like to invite you, my readers, to join us in this journey of discovery.
Let's share and discuss in the comment section:
Have you ever experienced an emotional dilemma like Ms. Lee's?
How did you cope in that moment?
Think back, was there a special moment when you discovered that there was a deeper need hidden behind your emotions?
What was that experience like?
What are some methods or strategies in your life that have helped you better understand and manage your emotions?
Was there a particular experience that gave you important insights into managing your emotions?
Hopefully, these questions will inspire you to think deeply, and perhaps in answering them, you will discover the deeper meaning and needs behind your emotions.
Emotion management is a continuous learning process, and through continuous self-exploration and practice, we can gradually become the master of our emotions, rather than being controlled by them.
On this journey, remember, you are not alone.
Every step, whether it is a challenge or a breakthrough, is a step towards understanding yourself better and embracing a better self.
Hopefully, these ideas will give you some inspiration as we move forward on the road of emotional management together.
[Surprise Easter Egg: 6 Perspectives to Help You Improve Your Self-Awareness].
The following questions are like a mirror to help you look at yourself, understand your true heart, and be aware of your behavior and thinking patterns in relationships.
You ready? Let's get started!
1.How do you usually relieve your emotions in the face of stress at work or in life? Multiple choices.
a.Distract by working overtime or putting in more work.
b.Shopping or seeking short-term gratification through other material means.
c.Quarrels with family members or friends, verbal expressions of dissatisfaction.
d.Find a quiet place to reflect and calm down alone.
e.Relax by exercising, reading, or pursuing a hobby.
2.How do you tend to perceive your own reactions when you feel emotionally out of control? Multiple choices.
a.Feeling helpless because you don't have the ability to control your emotions.
b.Feeling overly sensitive or weak.
c.Blame yourself for not showing such emotions.
d.Try to understand the reasons behind your emotions.
e.Feel justified by emotional outbursts because the pressure is too great.
3.Which way do you think will best help you understand and process your emotions? Multiple choices.
a.Talk to a professional counselor.
b.Share it with friends or family and seek their advice and support.
c.Thinking alone, possibly by keeping a journal.
d.Read a book or article on emotion management.
e.Increase self-awareness through meditation, yoga, and more.
4.Think back to what usually triggers your emotional outburst when you're in an emotional dilemma? Multiple choices.
a.Stress and challenges at work.
b.Conflict in family or intimate relationships.
c.Feelings of uncertainty and fear about the future.
d.Self-doubt about personal abilities or achievements.
e.Physical fatigue or health problems.
5.How do you see the role of emotional expression and management in personal growth? Multiple choices.
a.Very important, it helps me understand myself and others better.
b.Important, but sometimes difficult to achieve.
c.It has a role, but it should not be overemphasized.
d.Not quite sure what it does.
e.Think of emotion management as a form of self-indulgence.
6.What factors do you think will positively help you when you are in an emotional dilemma? Multiple choices.
a.Understanding and support from family and friends.
b.Ability for self-reflection and self-improvement.
c.Good physical health and adequate rest.
d.Stable economic and working conditions.
e.Hobbies and opportunities for personal development.
Vote. Congratulations, you've completed another journey of self-discovery.
I hope that the perspective of these questions can help you to be more aware and understand yourself, and be more calm and determined on the road of life.
According to the troubles covered in this article,
I asked 1 related question to the AI consultant (Chun Buyuan).
Here's its first round of replies, and I hope its replies can give you some inspiration and help:
If you feel that this article has inspired youRemember [Like + Watching].
Thank you for reading
———Original article from previous issues].
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