There is a thought-provoking phrase circulating on the Internet:
Some people are like a juicer, once they come into contact with it, it seems to be able to instantly drain your vitality for days;
For others, it's like a power bank, a few words can give you a lot of energy and make you feel refreshed.
On the stage of life, we will always meet all kinds of characters. Some people, getting along with it for a while, is like bathing in the warm spring light, which is refreshing;
And some people, as soon as they open their mouths, are like needles pricked in their backs, making people restless.
The well-known writer Su Qin once profoundly pointed out: "As we get older, we are no longer keen to please others, but only want to spend time with those who make us feel comfortable." ”
As our life experience grows, we tend to realize that being around people who make us feel comfortable is actually the highest level of health preservation.
Comfortable to get along with stems from the same frequency
Zhihu's last direct question has attracted widespread attention: "Why do former young friends eventually go to the fate of drifting away?" This ** touched the deep emotional resonance in the hearts of many netizens.
One of the highly regarded answers pinpointed the reason: "You were connected by like-minded interests, but as time went by, you no longer kept pace with the same pace of life." ”
If you think about it, that's true. People initially form bonds of friendship, often based on common interests; A long-term and comfortable relationship often comes from the high degree of compatibility between each other's life frequency and spiritual understanding.
Take the deep friendship between Mr. Jin Yong and Mr. Cai Lan as an example, they are an excellent portrayal of this kind of like-mindedness. The two best friends often travel around the world together, appreciating all the things in the world and experiencing different customs and customs. They also often sit together under the lamp to study the scriptures and share their ideas and reading experiences.
In the days when Mr. Jin Yong was in good health, the two often used wine to help them talk, sharing a happy and drenching conversation time. Even though Mr. Jin Yong had to quit drinking later due to heart disease, he still chose to sit next to Mr. Cai Lan in every party and enjoy the companionship and understanding that did not need to be said.
No matter when and where, as long as these two best friends get together, there will always be endless topics to talk about, endless stories, this sincere friendship is like a bright pearl in the long river of time, shining and enviable.
In life, we often can't resist the mutual attraction of people who have a heart and frequency that resonates with us. What kind of friends we will meet and what kind of lovers we will meet in our lives seems to have been predetermined in the tapestry of fate.
Just like the enviable marriage legend of Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu, they each carry different cultural heritages - one is a scholarly family and full of wealth, and the other is from an educational family and is full of talent. Their tacit understanding goes deep into the bone marrow, and with just a look of eye contact and a subtle movement, they can tacitly comprehend each other's minds.
Once, there was a little friction between Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu, so Yang Jiang picked up the pen and wrote a letter to Qian Zhongshu. Qian Zhongshu unfolded the letter paper, only to see that there was only a vigorous and powerful word "cowardice" on it. He was slightly stunned at first, and then picked up his pen and replied with the word "you". After reading it, Yang Jiang couldn't help but laugh dumbly, and the relationship between the two of them was restored to the same and deeper.
It turned out that behind the word "cowardice", Yang Jiang asked Qian Zhongshu in an ingenious way: "How many people do you have in your heart?" And the word "you" in Qian Zhongshu's response affectionately showed Yang Jiang: "I only have you in my heart." ”
Some people sighed that the real long-term emotion is not the joy when they meet for the first time, but the harmonious coexistence after years of precipitation, and they can still maintain that fresh and untired sense of comfort.
Those friends who resonate with us at the same frequency can gain insight into our joys, sorrows, and sorrows without complicated verbal explanations; And those who are in harmony with each other can understand and soothe our anxieties and sorrows without deliberately pandering or compromising.
Get along comfortably, and support each other
There is a subtle and magical magnetic force between people, which makes interpersonal communication take on a very different form. Some people have always maintained a strange distance despite being together for many years; And some people, as soon as they meet, they immediately have a sense of intimacy like an old acquaintance.
The 70-year-long friendship between Ba Jin and Bingxin is undoubtedly a beautiful story that has been passed down in the world. When Ba Jin became the editor-in-chief of the Literary Quarterly, in order to improve the influence and quality of the magazine, there was an urgent need to solicit a number of excellent manuscripts. At that time, he heard that Bingxin was busy, so when he sent Bingxin an invitation, his heart was full of apprehension. However, unexpectedly, Bingxin accepted the invitation without hesitation, which deeply touched Ba Jin.
During the Anti-Japanese War, Bingxin was plagued by illness, and after Ba Jin learned the news, he visited him from time to time and cared for him. When she learned that Bingxin was unable to prepare for the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner due to financial constraints, Ba Jin immediately took action to actively promote the publication of Bingxin's works to reduce her financial burden.
In his later years, Ba Jin unfortunately suffered from Parkinson's disease, and Bing Xin quickly reached out to him, sending him a magnifying glass and bookshelves, and did his best to facilitate Ba Jin's writing career.
The ancients said: "A thousand gold is easy to get, but a confidant is hard to find." "Looking back at those friendship stories that can last for a long time, we often find a commonality: those confidants who can stay together for a lifetime are all growing up in mutual nourishment and forging ahead in mutual support.
In the brilliant galaxy of China's literary and artistic circles, the friendship between Sanmao and Lin Qingxia is like a shining Gemini constellation, they are not only close friends, but also soul partners on the road of art. When Sanmao became famous with his unique charm of words, Lin Qingxia's film crew had a discerning eye and invited Sanmao to write the script "Rolling Red Dust".
Lin Qingxia, who knows the talent of her best friend, although she is eager to work with Sanmao to carve the script together, always respects her focus and busyness. At that time, Sanmao was engaged in passionate speeches, and although Lin Qingxia was worried, she never disturbed her schedule because of selfishness.
Unexpectedly, Sanmao suddenly suffered an accident and accidentally fell and needed to recuperate at home, hearing this news, Lin Qingxia was very anxious and eager to visit. However, the director of the crew is well aware of Sanmao's character of pursuing extreme tranquility when creating, and reminds Lin Qingxia that Sanmao at this moment may be taking advantage of this rare quiet time and devoting himself to script creation. So, Lin Qingxia chose to guard silently and visited quietly several times, but did not go upstairs to disturb, just so that her friends could enjoy their inspiration in an undisturbed environment.
It wasn't until Sanmao finally completed this painstaking work that Lin Qingxia happily went upstairs and had an in-depth exchange with him about every delicate link in the script. This tacit understanding and understanding made "Rolling Red Dust" a classic, making it popular in one fell swoop and becoming a good story in the film and television industry.
In this work, Sanmao gave Lin Qingxia a broad space for character shaping with an excellent script, and Lin Qingxia further enhanced Sanmao's status and influence in the hearts of many crews with her superb interpretation. Just as the sentence in "Romance of the Sui and Tang Dynasties" "The bird flies away with the Luan and the phoenix, and the person is accompanied by virtue and virtue", people's growth and achievements are often closely linked to those like-minded friends around them who have both ability and political integrity.
In the long river of life, true friendship is like building bridges, and when you need to get through it, I will lend a hand; When I am faced with a difficult journey, you will also pave the way.
The most precious friendship is the selfless support and care for each other, which complements each other and shines together; The most desirable interpersonal relationship is that both parties can nourish their souls in mutual respect and love, and work together to climb the pinnacle of life.
Comfortable to get along, long than kiss and have a room
As a young man, Jia Pingwa had a particularly strong interest and love for the art of calligraphy. At that time, he had a close friend who often visited the door, eagerly looking forward to receiving the ink treasure written by Jia Pingwa himself, and Jia Pingwa generously gave it to him every time.
However, as time went on, the friend's words and deeds gradually lost their sense of proportion. Once, he held the ink given by Jia Pingwa and half-jokingly joked: "You will definitely become a famous writer in the literary world in the future!" ”
In the face of such a joke, Jia Pingwa responded indifferently: "I'm just using my text to smoke and enjoy a moment of tranquility, maybe I don't know if I will put my pen down tomorrow." ”
Unexpectedly, this statement made the friend look anxious and blurted out: "Then how can it be done?" If you really don't put pen to paper anymore, won't these handwritings that I treasure instantly become worthless? ”
This sentence was like a thorn in Jia Pingwa's heart, making him indignant. He calmly but resolutely retorted: "It is my personal free choice whether to continue to create, what right do you have to interfere with my way of life?" ”
Since then, Jia Pingwa has cut ties with this friend. This incident just confirms the profound insight of the Russian literary giant Bondarev: "The source of all human suffering often comes from the lack of recognition of interpersonal boundaries." ”
Indeed, once the boundaries between people are ignored or crossed, it will quietly trigger many social conflicts and disputes.
On the contrary, the cornerstone of a strong and harmonious relationship lies precisely in the fact that both parties can understand and practice the principle of "even if they are intimate, they should abide by the rules and interact in moderation".
Yan Ning and Li Yinuo, two outstanding women, both graduated from Tsinghua University, one is a high-profile scientific research leader, and the other is recognized as an iron-fisted heroine in the industry. The decades-long friendship between them is known as "the most beautiful girlfriend in China".
Although the two show a sharp contrast in interests and hobbies - Yan Ning loves the vast rivers and lakes of the martial arts world, while Li Yinuo has no special preference for this; On the contrary, Yan Ning is keen to immerse himself in the audio-visual feast brought by the big screen of the cinema, while Li Yinuo rarely sets foot in the cinema.
However, this seemingly different life style did not weaken the close bond between them, and whenever they mentioned each other, they showed sincere admiration and praise.
When Yan Ning went to the United States to teach, there was no shortage of doubts from the outside world; At this critical moment, Li Yinuo stood firmly beside his best friend and supported Yan Ning's decision with a resounding sentence "Following the choice of the heart is the best".
Li Yinuo's family is complete, and his children are in pairs, while Yan Ning is still unmarried and childless, and has entered the age of forty. Faced with the question of secular prejudice, Li Yinuo calmly responded: "Everyone has the right to choose their own way of life, why should we interfere too much in her life choices? ”
True maturity, as writer Ted Kang puts it, is about recognizing the differences between individuals, and understanding that these differences are not the key to determining the quality of a relationship.
There are no two identical snowflakes in the world, and no two souls are absolutely alike. Therefore, we should learn to respect and tolerate differences in our interpersonal interactions, and to seek consensus while embracing diversity.
Only by accepting and respecting the uniqueness of others can we build healthy psychological boundaries between people. Proper interaction and blending is the best state to maintain a harmonious interpersonal relationship, and it is also the most comfortable and comfortable appearance of interpersonal communication.
Yishu once said: "Life is short, you must choose to spend it with comfortable people." ”
Getting along with someone who is not feeling well is like being forced to swallow the most disgusting food, even if you are reluctant to spit it out, the heartfelt resistance and discomfort will still be like a stab in the throat, and it will not disappear for a long time.
On the contrary, when you are accompanied by someone who is comfortable, you can deeply understand what is spiritual resonance, what is mutual nourishment, and what is the harmonious realm of intimacy without losing your own space.
The core of human interaction, in the final analysis, is nothing more than the pursuit of a comfortable and comfortable state.
On the long road of life, only by staying away from those who make you feel uncomfortable can you avoid harm and maintain a peaceful state of mind;
Life is fleeting, and only by embracing relationships that bring comfort to each other can you ensure your physical and mental health and move towards the future with ease.