In the first few years, I was depressed, I couldn't feel the change in mood, as if our body was blocked from the source of joy, "Look at me, I'm still me; I look at you, you are still you; I look at me, and I can't find me! This is the true psychological picture of depression, which is the loss of who you used to be.
Long-term depression will develop in two directions, one is more depressed, unable to find oneself, feeling that life has lost its meaning, accompanied by insomnia, and long nights. I longed and feared the coming of night every day, longing for the arrival of night to calm my mood; What I am afraid of is "the lonely lamp and bamboo shadow to sleep". In the eyes of others, reincarnation is a season, a year, a lifetime, a lifetime, and we are one day. Every day is the beginning of a nightmare, but we can't find the end of the nightmare, and the mood is depressed and low, which makes us have to doubt the meaning of life. Perhaps death is the only way to free oneself, and the desire to die and die keeps flashing in the mind, so in recent years, the number of suicides has remained high, and about 300,000 people end themselves in extreme forms every year. It's easy to live, it's easy to live, it's not easy to live; It's easy to cry, it's easy to laugh, it's easy to cry and laugh, and we depressive patients are in this embarrassing life where we can't cry or laugh.
Long-term depression, maybe their body has immunity, and the days are not salty and indifferent, others are "similar every year, different years and years", and we are as bitter as ever, with a sentence "endless sea of suffering" to describe the most appropriate and appropriate. If we think that this is the ultimate manifestation of depression, then we are wrong, when we are constantly tormented by physical symptoms, the twin sister of depression anxiety will definitely come unexpectedly, and when you experience an episode of "near-death", the ultimate killer of anxiety, your thinking will be reversed. From wanting to die to being afraid of death, doubting everything has become the normal state of your thinking, especially the doubt about your own physical condition, to the point of no return. All kinds of strange thoughts will appear in your mind, there is a female patient in my WeChat group who is always afraid that she will get pregnant, at first she didn't dare to swim, and finally she didn't dare to go out, that is, she went to the doctor for an examination, and she was afraid that the doctor would get pregnant, so after the examination, she threw away ** in the hospital bathroom, took the bus home, and was afraid that she would get pregnant when she sat on a chair on the road, so she simply stood more than a dozen ways to get home. This is just the tip of the iceberg, the most terrible thing is the anxiety about your body, always suspecting that you have an incurable disease, constantly going to the hospital for examinations, biochemistry, ambulatory electrocardiogram, cardiac color ultrasound, gastroscopy, and even imaging and various CT, even if all the indicators are normal, but you can't go out, can't drive, can't work, you still can't break through. In your eyes, you are a patient, and this disease is quite a "serious" disease, and "I am a patient" becomes a label.
Don't laugh at us, because you haven't experienced this pain, we are definitely not moaning without disease, and the symptoms are not only there but also infinitely magnified by us, so we are better off dying.
The real scary anxiety disorder is not the disease, but the ubiquitous somatization symptoms, as if we have entered a small dark room, and we cannot find the key to open the small black room. We can only rely on drugs to maintain our so-called "life!" "I was always looking for a cure to save myself, year after year, and finally I was struggling. Go with the flow and live in the moment is the best antidote to this disease, but when insomnia becomes a norm, walking becomes a kind of suffering, how do we go with the flow, and how do we live in the moment.
It seems that our willpower is still too weak to be cruel to others, to be cruel to ourselves, no matter what, trying to change may be the only way to redeem ourselves.