What people who lack love long for is someone who loves only themselves with all their heart, a true son of heaven who can give them supreme love and care.
However, this kind of love is not non-existent, it is just that it is mostly too dramatic and short-lived.
Therefore, for people who lack love, it is like falling into a cycle, and the more you crave this love, the easier it is to be attracted to people who are good at performing love, and frequently fall into painful relationships without realizing it.
I'm more direct by saying that the reason why you always fall into this vicious cycle is actually because you need these people to give you the ultimate love experience, and it's not that they choose you, but you choose them in some way.
That's because there's a concept in psychology called"Mirror reflection needs"It means that our nurturers, that is, our parents, who shine on us like mirrors, let us see in their mirrors what kind of child we are, whether they are good or bad, and satisfy our needs through this sense of identity and identity.
If your parents are a good mirror and often give us encouragement and recognition, then we will see through the mirror that we are good, and this external affirmation will gradually transform into internal affirmation, and we will become a person with high self-confidence and self-esteem.
Conversely, if your parents are unable to respond in a timely manner, or often suppress us and fail to meet our need for identity, then our mirror needs will not be met.
We don't know if we're a good or bad kid, and this sense of confusion and uncertainty can gradually translate into negative emotions such as anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression as we grow up.
To resist this bad feeling, we will crave to look impatiently for that mirror that can give us a sense of identity.
In this case, the answer is obvious: the more people who lack a positive mirror need positive feedback from others, the more they want to prove that they are also loved and accepted.
As a result, they are more likely to be attracted to people who are passionate and good at expressing affection.
Because those who are good at acting out love are always able to satisfy their longing emotions and values in the first place, making them feel love and care that they have never felt before.
Therefore, even if they know that these people are unreliable, they are willing to say it"You are my only one"And indulge in it.
For those who lack a positive mirror, they only need a mirror that reflects their heart's desire at the moment, and it doesn't matter if this mirror is broken or not.
On the other hand, even if you get a mirror from your parents, this mirror is not necessarily complete and not necessarily beautiful.
This is because in East Asian countries, some parents may be overly caring and worried about their children, as if their lives are for them.
However, this excessive intervention and control, or indifference and neglect under the guise of doing it for your own good, can easily lead to distortion of the mirror, so that those opposite-sex love with healthy boundaries, who know how to exercise restraint, and who seem plain cannot fully reflect the pampering in this distorted mirror.
You might think that's not love, because how can love go through every day so plainly? How is it possible for love not to come with a high concentration of fusion and control? You'll be skeptical.
On the contrary, exaggerated and distorted passions can also attract you, satisfy your fantasies about love, and make you feel that this love is long-lasting and right.
However, fate is at play in this. You must know that some people who are good at performing love also lack a mirror that can reflect themselves.
In search of identity and security, they choose another path, which is to gain the attention of their partner and the approval of onlookers through exaggerated, performative courtship.
They are afraid that they will not be accepted, that they will not be recognized. In other words, the loveless and the performer are essentially the same kind of people, and both lack a positive mirror.
When these two types of people meet, your love seems to be strong, but due to the lack of inner being, you are never able to truly see each other's true inner face and thus establish a deep emotional connection.
Therefore, your love cannot withstand the run-in and twists and turns, and whoever is the passive recipient is more likely to be greatly hurt.
For a performer, his performance can be oriented to a lot of people, and once he is not satisfied in you, he will not hesitate to turn around and look for the next mirror.
And you may just passively wait for the next soulful performer to play out
Hearing this, you should understand why you always attract unsuitable people when you lack love, because almost all you attract is performative love.
At the same time, if you lack something in your heart and can't fill it, you will continue to be drawn to this performative love, repeating the same pattern.
So, how to solve this lack and how to find the right mirror?
One of the things I've always emphasized is that those who lack love should never put their hearts to make up for their lack on outsiders, including your parents.
You need to accept your parents first, that the mirror may not be perfect and may never fully meet your needs.
So, since you don't get a mirror that reflects yourself, make your own mirror and complete a self-mapping.
If you want to be recognized, learn to self-recognize yourself and tell yourself every day:"I'm the best myself, I have unmet needs, and I can satisfy myself. "
You can treat yourself as your own child and raise yourself again in your own way. Only then will you not be obsessed with finding yourself in the eyes of others.
At the same time, you need to realize that in this world, no one can love you in the true sense of the word except yourself.
The extent to which anyone loves you depends on whether you have self-love, self-worth, and a sense of strength.
Only by understanding this can you truly become a person with a strong inner core who can love yourself well, regardless of whether someone loves you or not.