Because of the experience of depression in the past few years, I couldn't sleep well and couldn't eat, so I lost nearly 20 pounds in a short period of time. Although I am gradually regaining my weight, I have some facial changes due to the sudden weight loss, which is a big blow to me, who is perfectionist and cares about image very much.
I am often afraid to look at myself in the mirror, feeling that I can't see the door in any clothes, when others say that I am thin, my heart will be shocked, and gradually I am bound by my own bad looks, other people's eyes, and unconfident beliefs, and I become autistic and reluctant to go out to socialize, and my heart is becoming more and more tight, unable to feel comfortable.
From this matter, looking back on life along the way, in fact, I have accepted too many restrictive concepts, as the public generally believes, if a person is good-looking, he can be more confident, in order to get more people's love and appreciation, so from the beginning of his sensibility, he has always been very concerned about his appearance, hoping to appear in a perfect image, others say that you look good and appreciate you, so you are full of confidence, otherwise you are depressed. As everyone knows, you have lost your autonomy, and whether you are happy or not can only be decided by the evaluation of others, living in the eyes of others, and being swayed by changes in appearance.
I think of a friend I met many years ago, she really doesn't look good, she dresses very casually and is not very rough, and she is very aggressive, so I didn't have much closeness to her at first, but as I get along and understand more, I am often infected by her simple childish heart, and the relaxation of freedom, she lives like a child, it seems that in her heart, she has never been limited by the so-called beauty and ugliness, even if she has a front tooth, she still grins and laughs when she is happy, without scruples, only to be true to herself, In fact, I envy her in my heart, she can live so freely. This freedom makes everyone around you involuntarily want to be close to her, because being with her will also become relaxed.
There is another friend, who is the same, with an ordinary appearance, but every time I stay with her, she has a rare state of tranquility, she doesn't need to talk much, maybe they just wait quietly for each other, but their hearts will gradually calm down, and the artificial things in my heart will melt away. This is her long-term inner cultivation and connotation, and the energy that naturally appears, giving her her own unique beauty.
Everything on the outside, including this body, changes every day, and the face will eventually grow old, and it can't stop the changes of the years, if you can only live in the dependence of perfect appearance, and live in the standards of others, then you will be imprisoned by all kinds of concepts, and you will not be able to live the freedom of life. True self-confidence does not lie on the outside, it comes from one's own heart, no matter how it changes on the outside or what others say, it is still a free existence, and this pure heart is as if it were not moving.
Just like the flowers and plants in nature, the grass never understands or rejects the state in which it exists, and it does not think that it has to become a flower, so it does this little grass safely. Because each existence has its own meaning. So why can it only be like this, and not like that? Why can it only be dazzling, but not ordinary? Is it good to have a standard? Who defines it? In this short life, can you only live within the limits of definition, how tiring it is?
What it is is what it is, accept it and be the existence of the moment, do not resist, do not attack yourself, do not compare, do not live in anticipation, if it is the current peace, there is strength in the heart.