Parents violate their children's boundaries with excessive love and often shape a self-centered person who only thinks about their own needs in intimate relationships. Some parents spoil their children in particular. This kind of doting may seem like a sign of love, but in the course of life, it will replace the child in the things he does, depriving the child of the opportunity to grow, deal with problems, and get in touch with the real world.
Children are always shrouded in the "love" of their parents and will be very dependent on their parents in their lives. When you grow up, you repeat this pattern in your intimate relationships.
You will idealize your relationship, expect your partner to guess what you think, expect you to be at the height of the relationship, expect your partner to fully meet your needs. Once you have established a family, you will also expect it to be an area of complete control over you, with an extreme fear of losing control of your feelings.
Therefore, after getting married, you will focus on "whether your needs are met" and "whether the relationship is controllable".
But you can't understand your partner's emotional needs, don't know or focus on what the other person wants, and just assess whether your partner's behavior is satisfactory or whether it inspires inner turmoil.
Your attention is always focused on your needs and you want the outside world to fit into you, but you can't deal with problems in relationships and you can't explore real relationships.
On the one hand, when your partner expresses his needs, you feel barren and don't know how to deal with it, because in past relationships you have been met by love and needs; On the other hand, you are worried that your relationship will get out of control and that your partner expressing his needs means that your needs are not being met.
You seem to be in a high position, often lose your temper and ask your partner to love yourself, but you often don't know how you really feel, which is a false self.
In the past, your existence depended on the attention of your parents. You don't have your own system or boundaries for valuing. On the contrary, the "love" of your parents often invades your boundaries and coexists with you.
When you grow up and get married, while you will be strong, egoistic and tantrums, often express your thoughts and needs, and demand that your partner obey you, your self-worth will still be based on your partner to meet your needs, and you still don't have your own framework.
While you seem to dominate the relationship, in fact, you have a high demand for the relationship and crave emotional feedback from your partner. You still put yourself in the position of the object, without your own subjectivity.
In addition, you will focus on building the "control" of the relationship, unable to empathize emotionally with your partner, and will have a hard time focusing on your partner's inner needs. If the other half can't experience being understood and loved from you, they will have thoughts of divorce and gradually get out of your emotional control, your psychological distance will become farther and farther away, and the marriage will eventually break down.
Repairing this marital relationship requires correcting the entire emotional system.
Ability to explore one's true feelings, have the ability to be emotionally self-sufficient, build one's own framework, touch the real world, understand oneself, see one's inner needs in one's partner, and have the energy to satisfy.
Get out of dependence on others, establish your own subjectivity, gradually strip away the need for controllability, and form a real emotional flow. When you are abundant, you can feel your feelings, you have the ability to empathize with your partner, to connect emotionally with your partner, your relationship will go into the realm of love, reinvention and development, your relationship will go into a track of benign functioning, and you will be blessed and loved.
Hotspot Engine Program