A dinner made me realize that a family without rules is more terrible than poverty

Eating a meal almost me off! ”

At 10 o'clock in the evening, my cousin complained to me angrily on WeChat.

She said that when relatives and friends had dinner in the evening, she was sandwiching a piece of fish and meat, but her 8-year-old son of a relative's family opposite suddenly turned the wheel wildly.

The fish on my cousin's chopsticks "snapped" and fell into a bowl of hot soup that had just been served.

The somewhat embarrassed cousin hurriedly took the soup spoon to fish out the fish, but unexpectedly, the bear child on the opposite side turned the turntable in reverse.

The hot oil soup was sprinkled on my cousin's white down jacket.

Looking at her cousin's oil, the mother of the bear child smiled and said, "The child is not sensible, don't care about it." ”

The mother and son looked indifferent, which made the cousin's heart as disgusting as eating a fly.

"He's still a kid. This is a classic quote from countless parents of bear children.

As a mother of a 9-year-old child, I can actually understand the feeling of a mother who wants to "turn a big thing into a small thing and a small thing into a small thing" when her child is in trouble.

But think about it from another perspectiveIf you were the one who was repeatedly offended by the bear child, would you still be able to do what you say "don't care"?

Many parents usually ignore the rules of education, and are accustomed to indulging their children in trouble without principle, and they don't realize that their "caring for their children" doting is actually the deepest harm to their children.

The book Positive Discipline says:

For children, love without rules is like a sugar coating wrapped in arsenic.

There is a famous saying in "Family Education": Freedom with rules is called liveliness; Freedom without rules is called presumptuousness;

Once liveliness is out of the rules, it becomes nonsense; Once freedom loses its rules, it becomes presumptuous.

But many times, it is the parents of the child who contribute to this nonsense and presumptuousness.

There was once a news that "a woman in the movie theater was kicked into the brain by the father of the bear child", which sparked heated discussions on the whole network:

While Ms. Wang was watching a movie, the little boy in the back row kept kicking her chair.

At first she gently dissuaded, but the boy ignored it completely, and still played very happily.

She had to stand up and stop her severely, but she didn't expect that the boy's father not only didn't care about teaching his son, but also angrily kicked Ms. Wang's chair and yelled at her

Believe it or not, Lao Tzu slapped you to death! ”

With that hideous appearance, Ms. Wang suddenly discovered that the "bad root" of this bear child was in this grinning father.

Behind every bear child, there is a parent who seriously lacks a sense of rules.

They like to indiscriminately shield and connive when their children are obviously offended;

They are the best at turning a problem that can be solved with an apology into a large-scale farce, making children the bear children that everyone hates, and making themselves the bear parents that thousands of people refer to.

Mencius once said that there are no rules, there is no circle.

Rules are the norms of all things in the world, and they are also a kind of proportions that cannot be transgressed.

Psychology professor Li Meijin shared a parenting story that was praised by countless netizens.

When her daughter was a child, she cried at the mall because she wanted to buy a toy and was rejected.

Li Meijin neither compromised nor scolded, but took her daughter home and cried with her until she was exhausted.

The daughter couldn't impress her mother with all her might, so she had to give up.

Since then, she has never made any unreasonable demands.

The ancients said: "* is not at ease, is not at ease."

The best education must be to let children understand the way of survival in the rules, and then they can better stand on the society.

Knowing the rules is often the basic guarantee to protect children from hitting the south wall.

But in life, there are many parents who can't tell the line between freedom and indulgence.

They always feel that setting too many rules will suppress the child's nature, but they don't know that losing the freedom of the rules is the culprit of hurting the child's life.

Those wrong behaviors that have not been corrected are like time bombs that lead children astray at some point, and when they make big mistakes, they have already regretted it.

If you look closely, you can see that there are many tragedies in life, which are usually triggered by "bear children" who lack a sense of rules.

There was a 10-year-old boy in Guiyang who threw a fire extinguisher from a tall building and smashed it on the head of a mother of two.

In the end, the mother of the second child died due to ineffective rescue, and the boy's family was also sentenced to a fine of 780,000 yuan.

Just because of a child's nonsense, it led to the death of a person, and a family was burdened with the tragic price of huge compensation.

And similar reports are still common.

It is said that exploration is a child's instinct, and play is a child's nature.

But if there is no limit to exploration, it will become a crime;

If you lose the rules of playing, it is easy to cause tragedy.

A family, just like a moving car, clear rules are like a steering wheel, once the steering wheel is damaged, the body will deviate, and the car will be destroyed.

A family that doesn't know how to make rules is far more terrible than poverty.

There is a "Hayne's Law" in psychology, which says that behind every serious accident, there must be 29 minor accidents and 1,000 hidden accidents.

In other words, children have already made countless small mistakes before making big mistakes, but they have been ignored or indulged by their parents again and again.

On the contrary, those children whose life path is particularly smoothIt's just because parents are already good at the role of guides in their early childhood.

Reagan, the former American, was fined 12 for secretly setting off fireworks at the age of 11$5.

Instead of helping him pay the fine, his father lent him 12$5, so that he has to pay it off within a year.

In order to pay off his debts, Reagan had to go to school while washing dishes and dishes in restaurants, or picking up waste to save money.

For this reason, Reagan suffered a lot, and it was in this process that he deeply realized the weight of responsibility and how important it is to follow the rules.

Xun Zhi Zhai Ji said: "To love his son without teaching is to not love him; Teaching without being good is like not teaching. ”

It is said that if you don't teach your child the right way to do things, it's like not teaching them.

In the family, clear and clear rules often accompany the child throughout his life, guide him to grow up healthily, and teach him to reflect on his own mistakes.

Only parents who know how to set rules for their children can often cultivate excellent children who abide by the rules and understand the general situation.

There is a famous saying in the Gan Family Motto:

The strictness of father and son cannot be restricted; The love of flesh and blood cannot be simple.

Jane is filial piety, and stubbornness is slow.

Loving children is the business of hens, but knowing how to set rules is the greatest responsibility of parents.

Looking at the most effective education, it is usually the parents' "sense of rules" that is spelled out.

In the picture book "I Will Love You Forever", there is a scene of a mother-son dialogue, which can be called a model of setting rules for children:

The child Ali asked, "If I make the pillow full of feathers, do you still love me?" ”

Mom smiled and said, "I will always love you, but you have to put your feathers away." ”

Ali asked again, "If I sprinkle paint on my sister, do you still love me?" ”

Mom touched his head and said, "I will always love you, but you have to bathe your sister." ”

The mother insisted that her son should take responsibility for his mistakes while emphasizing "I will always love you".

You see, it turns out that "loving children" and "establishing rules" are never two opposite sides, but can perfectly complement each other and complement each other.

So in life, how should we set rules for our children so that they can be more acceptable?

The book "21 Tricks to Make Children Independent" tells us that the most effective way to set rules for children usually requires parents to do three details:

1. When setting rules, put the real needs of children first.

Only when parents put their children's legitimate and reasonable needs first will they not be hindered by the huge conflict between rules and needs.

2. The establishment of rules requires the participation of parents and children.

When a child becomes a rule-maker, his cooperation usually increases exponentially, and his sense of self-control grows.

3. When making rules, you should give more examples, and don't be reasonable.

Telling children why they should set rules in vivid cases is far more effective than simple and rough preaching and discipline.

Life is like a game, there are established rules everywhere.

Children who don't understand the rules often take a lot of detours and constantly consume time and energy to try and make mistakes again and again;

And those children who have a sense of rules from the beginning are usually able to avoid mistakes and travel lightly in the right direction.

Psychologist William James said:

Sow an action, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character; Sow a character, reap a destiny.

If rules are the foundation of education, then rules are the armor of children's growth.

Bill Gates also said that one of the most important duties of parents is to use rules to bind their children when they are young.

As parents, only by letting children abide by the rules and understand the rules can they truly thrive.

Rules are the biggest "umbrella" in a child's life.

Let children understand the rules and abide by the rules, which is the brightest and smoothest road that parents pave for their children.