When people reach middle age, if they frequently invite guests to dinner and give gifts, two bad truths are confirmed
In today's increasingly developed social networks, it is widely believed that "success depends on the combination of knowledge and connections, of which knowledge accounts for only 30 and connections account for 70 of the importance." ”
In an active society, the importance of networking is becoming more and more prominent, and the lack of connections can lead to limited personal development.
Especially when a person is under various life pressures in middle age, it can be reassuring to have the support and sharing of family and friends. In the face of life's challenges, the power of teamwork is undoubtedly powerful.
As a result, many people crave to build a wider range of relationships in social interactions. Inviting friends to dinner and giving gifts has become a common way to socialize.
While it's okay to get together once in a while to bond emotionally, there are often bad motives behind frequent gifts and gifts.
This behavior often means that there may be two undesirable phenomena.
In the ancient Western Han Dynasty, there was a man named Cao Qiusheng, who was not skilled, but had a mouth that could speak well.
He took pleasure in debating and was often able to outperform others without boredoming them. However, despite his desire to establish himself in Chang'an City, he is neither good at government affairs, nor can he start a business, let alone engage in part-time work. Therefore, he chose to cling to the powerful.
He sent small gifts to the eunuch Zhao Tan for personal gain; He flattered the minister Dou Changjun's house, which made everyone feel comfortable.
However, although the record of "Han Dynasty Debater" was left in the history books, it was impossible to find the actual merits of Cao Qiusheng.
We will also meet people like "Cao Qiusheng" in our lives.
They often hang out with a group of fox friends or are invited to such gatherings to enjoy good food and brag to each other. Away from the glasses, they may play mahjong, sing and dance, and have a good time.
When they have a problem, their first thing they think about is to invite someone to dinner or give a gift.
Regardless of the outcome, as long as a gift is given to the person concerned, they feel at ease, as if they have a clear conscience.
They are busy in their social circles and appear to be able to deal with small problems, but they tend to avoid big problems. There are people who are good at socializing, but they are afraid to deal with real matters.
As the pharmacist Tu Youyou once said: "Don't chase a horse, but use the time to chase the horse to sow seeds, and when the spring flowers bloom, you will have a herd of horses to choose from." ”
Relationships between people are often based on the exchange of interests and values. If you only have a thin glass of wine and a small gift, then your social connections may only stay on the surface.
When you frequently invite guests to dinner and give gifts, many people will gradually alienate your meal and no longer accept your gifts. Especially those who are excellent, they are busy with work and life and will not easily join the social circle.
If you do nothing yourself and get drunk at a party, no one will look up to you, at most they will only give you the title of "massive".
Think of the poet Li Bai, who often attended parties, received gifts, and was also famous for his "100 poems on fighting wine". If he only eats and drinks for nothing, he will probably become a homeless man.
From the perspective of life development, middle-aged people who rely too much on interpersonal relationships are pinning their fate on others, which is really a sadness.
When relationships are at an impasse, they have to seek outside help.
In ancient times, after the death of Liu Bang, Emperor Hui of the Han Dynasty was young and had heavy government affairs.
Empress Dowager Lu stepped forward to stabilize the political situation.
However, the status of women is inferior to that of men, and although Empress Dowager Lu is diligent and conscientious, she is overstretched in the face of the threat of foreign enemies.
The Xiongnu sent a letter, which was intended to show goodwill, which roughly means: "You are a lonely person, living a lonely life; I also have no spouse. Perhaps, we can spend the rest of our lives together. ”
Empress Dowager Lü was furious and prepared to send an army to conquer the Xiongnu.
At this time, the minister Ji Bu stepped forward and said: "Liu Bang led an army of 300,000 that year, but failed to destroy the Xiongnu and was almost trapped in Pingcheng; The Qin Dynasty also conquered the Xiongnu, but returned in vain, which provoked civil strife. When you think about it, the answer is naturally clear. ”
With the words still in her ears, Empress Dowager Lu suddenly realized, and immediately replied to Shan Yu in a low-key manner, and sent beauties and treasures to show her sincerity.
Obviously, Empress Dowager Lu's move was out of helplessness, but also to maintain peace on the border.
The queen has a noble status, but she needs to maintain a relationship with gifts, so why not ordinary people?
In social interactions, some people avoid meals and gifts, but their lives fall into a low point and they have to take a brave step and change the way they socialize.
At the banquet, it is common for people to be narrow-minded and toast frequently. Most of them are in adversity.
There is a saying that says, "Take kraft candy as a light bulb."Rush to the doctor when you are sick;One man no man. ”
A cousin of mine, after graduating from college, searched for a job everywhere and hit a wall.
My cousin's father, an old farmer, was anxious to see his son collapse.
After two all-nighters, my cousin's father went to the mountains to dig up some wild vegetables, cooked them, packed them, and delivered them to an old friend's house in the city.
The old friend is a small businessman, and his popularity is good, so it shouldn't be a problem to introduce people to jobs.
However, it is a pity that the old friend has a very high threshold, and he doesn't take a few bags of wild vegetables seriously at all, and says a few polite words, but he doesn't really help find a job.
Hospitality, gift-giving, often in vain, like flies under the lamp, the result is very unsatisfactory. However, people in desperate situations always have a trace of luck.
One day, you will realize how sad it is to be under the fence, and low self-esteem will only make you more decadent.
Mr. Chen Guo once said, "A friend is not a companion in a wine shop, a peer in a game, a comfort in times of loneliness, and a spiritual haven, nor is it a network built for utilitarianism." The people who gather are often not friendships, but lonely hugs. ”
True friendship does not indulge in groups, but chooses to communicate privately and establish private feelings.
Talking alone brings people closer to each other, speaks more directly, and gives more immediate feedback.
People who can really help don't care about meals or gifts, and they don't even change their minds because of your feast.
Being gregarious is a lonely gathering, and when you think about it, it is.