Zhang Zijing, Zhang Ailing's only younger brother, is impressive in appearance but lacks ambition. His indifference and ruthlessness made Zhang Ailing feel "a cold sadness". He never married, had no children, did nothing in his life, and finally died alone in a small house of only 14 square meters.
However, his grandfather was Zhang Peilun, a famous minister in the late Qing Dynasty, his grandmother was the daughter of Li Hongzhang, "Li Zhongtang", his grandfather was Huang Yisheng, the first commander of the Yangtze River Navy, and his stepmother was the daughter of Sun Baoqi, the premier of Beiyang.
Why did Zhang Zijing have such a difficult time in such a prominent family?
In her childhood, Zhang Zijing lived in a spacious garden house with a car, a driver, a bunch of maids, and an exclusive nanny. However, the family lacked the company of their mother, and their father, Zhang Zhiyi (yí), deeply hurt them by his indulgence in smoking big cigarettes and raising concubines.
Zhang Zijing's mother, Huang Yifan, was a progressive-minded woman who was deeply saddened by her husband's depravity and decided to leave her children behind. This was 1924, when Zhang Ailing was 4 years old and Zhang Zijing was 3 years old.
A few years later, Zhang Zijing recalled that time and her heart was full of regrets. If his mother hadn't gone abroad that year, he and his sister might have had a rich and happy childhood.
However, in 1928, the mother returned home to try to save the broken marriage. However, Zhang Zhiyi's bad habits did not change, and the couple quarreled and threw things every day. Whenever this happens, Zhang Ailing will squat silently on the balcony, and Zhang Zijing's heart will rise to her throat, and she will tremble with fear.
Her sister never told him how she felt, but Zhang Zijing believed that she must have felt scared at that time.
Zhang Zijing and Zhang Ailing's childhood was overshadowed by the quarrel of their parents. Although their parents eventually signed a divorce settlement, it did not change their fate.
Zhang Zhiyi hesitated, picked up the pen several times and wanted to sign, but finally put it down. The lawyer asked him if he wanted to change his mind, but Huang Yifan said indifferently: "My heart is already like a piece of wood." ”
After the divorce, Zhang Ailing and Zhang Zijing were raised by their father, but he lived on his inheritance, did not work, and lived in luxury. He was unwilling to spend money for the children, and the tuition fee for Zhang Ailing to learn piano was repeatedly delayed, and finally Zhang Ailing simply gave up.
To make matters worse, Zhang Zhiyi did not even let the children enter the new-style school, and only invited a private school teacher to teach ancient Chinese. Huang Yifan intervened when he learned about it, and Zhang Zhiyi agreed to send his two children to school.
At the age of 36, Sun Yongfan married for the first time and became Zhang Zhiyi's wife. As the daughter of a former prime minister, she fell in love with a poor relative when she was young, but was opposed by her father so much that she was unable to marry the children of the powerful.
In order to relieve the pain in his heart, Sun Yongfan contracted a hibiscus fetish and lived a luxurious life in a large villa with Zhang Zhiyi, which caused them to attract people's attention in the "slap in the face" incident.
In 1937, Zhang Ailing went to visit her mother Huang Yifan. However, when she returned, Sun Yongfan blamed her mother for interfering in family affairs. In order to protect her mother, Zhang Ailing had a dispute with her stepmother.
As a result, Sun Yongfan slapped her, while Zhang Zhiyi indiscriminately punched and kicked his daughter, and even locked her in the basement for several months. In the spring of 1938, Zhang Ailing finally escaped from her father's home and went to her mother.
However, this departure almost broke the relationship between the siblings.
During the days when Zhang Ailing was confined, in addition to her father's abuse, she was also indifferent to her younger brother. According to Zhang Zijing's recollection, he did not even dare to visit her during that time.
However, by chance, Zhang Ailing found her brother's scrapped stationery. The letter reads: "I want to hear about my sister. The stain of the family is very painful. ”
This sentence made Zhang Ailing's heart like ice. In fact, Zhang Ailing has long felt chilled with her younger brother. This is because after her stepmother entered the door, Zhang Ailing became depressed, no longer talking, moving, and making friends, while Zhang Zijing was dressed dirty and unattended, truant, disobedient, and unambitious, and secretly looked at comic books every day.
At a family dinner, Zhang Ailing's younger brother was slapped by his father for a trivial matter. Zhang Ailing was heartbroken, but her stepmother joked that her brother didn't cry, but she cried.
Zhang Ailing angrily left the table and hid in the bathroom, vowing in her heart to avenge her brother. However, when she found her brother happily playing football on the balcony, as if nothing had happened, she felt a cold sadness in her heart.
She realizes that her brother has become accustomed to this violence, and her thoughts of revenge have become meaningless. In her later years, Zhang Zijing recalled that their family was full of decline and decadence, and there was no hope in sight.
And her sister Zhang Ailing, after escaping from her family, actively pursued herself, gained fame and hope, and became a hopeful person.
Zhang Zijing's mother, Huang Yifan, rejected his request because the financial pressure was already too great to raise Zhang Zijing. Zhang Zijing was very sad to hear this, and cried many times after returning to her father's house.
From then on, he and his sister could no longer live together.
Zhang Ailing's mother is Zhang Zijing, but due to money problems, the relationship between the two gradually deteriorated. Eileen Chang once wrote that during her difficult times, she frequently asked her mother for money, but her mother was tired because of her temper.
These trivial embarrassments undermined Zhang Ailing's love for her mother little by little. In the end, Zhang Ailing's mother chose to break up with her boyfriend and go abroad again. After that, Zhang Ailing lived with her aunt.
At that time, she was still half a year away from graduating from university, but she couldn't afford to pay the tuition. Once, Zhang Ailing mentioned her predicament to Zhang Zijing. Zhang Zijing suggested that she seek help from her father.
So, after more than four years, Zhang Ailing walked into her father's house again. The father and daughter talked for ten minutes, and Zhang Ailing left. Zhang Zhiyi agreed to pay the tuition fee and asked Zhang Ailing's younger brother to send it.
This is the last time Zhang Ailing walked into her father's house, and it was also the last time she left. The father and daughter have not seen each other since. Although Zhang Zhiyi promised to give his daughter money, Sun Yongfan got in the way, and in the end Zhang Ailing did not get the money and had to drop out of school.
In 1943, Eileen Chang had become the hottest female writer in Shanghai. But her father Zhang Zhiyi was about to lose his inheritance because of his extravagance. At the same time, Zhang Ailing's younger brother Zhang Zijing also dropped out of school because he could not pay his tuition fees.
Under such circumstances, Zhang Zijing spent two or three years doing nothing and living in a mess, neither going to school nor working.
Zhang Zijing had a whimsical idea and founded a magazine "Biao" with his classmates. In order to attract readers, he decided to ask his sister Zhang Ailing to write for the magazine. However, Zhang Ailing cherished her reputation very much and resolutely refused her brother's request, believing that publishing an article in an unknown magazine would damage her reputation.
However, looking at her brother's lost expression, she felt a little unbearable in her heart. So she took out a sketch and said to her brother, "You can use this as an illustration." ”
Zhang Ailing is not only good at writing, but also good at drawing, and many of her articles have their own illustrations. After Zhang Zijing took the illustrations, she wrote a 1,400-word essay detailing her sister Zhang Ailing's temper, dress, anecdotes, and talents.
The move attracted a wave of attention, and the first issue of the magazine sold very well. However, after the second issue of the magazine was published, sales were dismal. In the end, Zhang Zijing's entrepreneurship ended in failure.
Zhang Zijing, in 1946, when he was 25 years old, he went to work in a bank. Soon after, however, his father and stepmother moved to a 14-square-metre hut and shared toilets with more than a dozen other households.
His father and stepmother both smoked opium, and the expense alone was heartbreaking. The food at home is also very luxurious, there are chickens and ducks to eat every day, salted duck eggs only eat egg yolks, scrambled eggs to use toon buds, and you will definitely eat sea melon seeds in summer.
Sometimes I buy imported ham, asparagus, liver sausage, etc. Because they were worried that they would have to spend a lot of money to get married, Zhang Zhiyi and Sun Yongfan never cared about their son's lifelong affairs, nor did they urge him to get married—they were afraid to pay for it.
Once, Zhang Zijing went on a blind date, and the girl asked for a 120 yuan Shanghai brand watch, Zhang Zijing didn't have that much money, and his father was too expensive. Just like when he felt that the tuition was expensive, he gave up Zhang Zijing's study and study, and his family also gave up the opportunity for him to get married.
Zhang Zijing secretly decided: "When I have a better job and income, I can save a little money and get married." "But this delay is a lifetime! Zhang Zijing is introverted, not good at talking, and never takes the initiative to pursue girls.
In addition, he felt that his salary was low and his work was stressful, so he quit. Later, in order to make ends meet, he went to teach in a school on the outskirts of Shanghai, but he did not have a city hukou, and no girl was willing to marry him.
In the end, Zhang Zijing was never married and had no children or daughters. "I have never been married in my life, mainly because my health is not good and my financial conditions do not allow it. "So, is it really just that the economic conditions don't allow it?
In fact, as long as you have hands and feet, it is not impossible to save money to marry a wife. But the bad thing is that Zhang Zijing has become addicted to gambling. In his later years, Zhang Zijing confessed: He slowly developed a bad habit of gambling, which not only cost him time and money, but also made his physical condition worse and worse, and the savings he had prepared were also wiped out in the gambling game.
He lived one day at a time, and he didn't think about getting married. If you have money on you, you will gamble, you can never save money, and your life is a mess. With such self-depravity and lack of progress, which girl would be willing to marry him?
Zhang Zijing's aunt, Zhang Maoyuan, came to visit him in the summer of 1947, and his mother happily invited them to lunch together. Although Zhang Zijing wanted to bring his mother and sister to live with her, her mother said that the environment in Shanghai was too dirty for her to live in.
A year later, Huang Yifan left China and never returned. The only thing Zhang Zijing relied on was his aunt and sister who lived in Eddington's apartment. Once, Zhang Zijing went to visit her sister, and the two chatted for a long time, and before they knew it, it was dinner time.
However, the aunt suddenly got up to see off the guests, saying that they had to book in advance how much rice and which dishes they would eat, otherwise they would not keep him to eat. This surprised Zhang Zijing, and after he hurriedly said goodbye, he couldn't help but feel a little lost in his heart.
Zhang Zijing's aunt, in July 1952, Zhang Ailing left the United States for the United States. Before leaving, she did not inform anyone, and agreed with Zhang Zijing's aunt not to communicate with each other again.
A few months later, Zhang Zijing returned to Shanghai on a business trip and immediately went to her sister's apartment to find her. However, it was Zhang Zijing's aunt who opened the door, and she simply said, "Your sister is gone." ”
With that, he closed the door. Zhang Zijing shed tears on the street downstairs, looking at the people around him wearing people's clothes, he remembered that his sister once said that this kind of clothes was too rigid, and she would never wear them.
Perhaps for this reason, she chose to leave, to find the distant land she had been pursuing, and never returned. Since then, my mother and sister have gone abroad one after another, and the family has completely broken up and scattered.
After that, Zhang Zijing never saw his aunt again, and her aunt's indifference made him lose the courage to see her again.
Zhang Zijing's father died when he was very young, leaving his stepmother and him to live in a cramped 14-square-meter room. In order to make ends meet, his stepmother began to play Zhang Zijing's idea and used him as a "cash cow".
Once, Zhang Zijing went home on a business trip and had some travel expenses. His stepmother took the money for herself on the pretext of keeping it for him. When Zhang Zijing came back, the stepmother lied and said that it had been spent.
Soon after, Zhang Zijing's father died of illness, leaving behind a house in Qingdao. Because this house was jointly owned by Zhang Zijing and his eldest brother, it was not sold by his stepmother.
However, his stepmother stipulated in her will that Sun Yongfan would get 7% of the annual rent, and Zhang Zijing would get 3%. After reading the will, Zhang Zijing decided not to pay these rents because he had a salary.
However, Sun Yongfan insisted that the money would be left to Zhang Zijing. Despite this, there was a time between them for a time and filial piety.
In the 80s, Sun Yongfan transferred his house to his younger brother, claiming that because he had been blind for many years, he wanted his brother's family to move in with him. However, Zhang Zijing disagreed, because he was worried that after losing the cottage, he would not be able to move his hukou back to downtown Shanghai once he retired.
Sun Yongfan's younger brother accused Zhang Zijing of being unfilial, but Zhang Zijing explained that he had been living in the school and his hukou was also in the countryside, and he would soon retire and would no longer be able to live in the school, and he would have nowhere to go at that time.
In the end, Sun Yongfan understood Zhang Zijing and did not mention the matter again. In 1986, Sun Yongfan died, and at the end of the year, Zhang Zijing officially retired and moved his household registration back to the city, which fell on Sun Yongfan's account.
Zhang Zijing's later years were spent alone in this 14-square-meter cottage, if it weren't for Sun Yongfan's kindness, he would not even have a place to settle in Shanghai after retirement.
Zhang Zijing heard that the late writer Zhang Ailing was still alive, and the stone in her heart finally fell to the ground. However, thinking that he and his sister were both in their old age, he decided to leave the door open every day so that he would not suddenly fall ill without anyone to help him.
His sister has been living in seclusion for a long time, and it is difficult for relatives and friends to know her current situation, and if she needs medical treatment, there is no one to help in time. Zhang Zijing tried her best to contact her sister on the other side of the ocean and asked her for financial support, but she was politely refused.
Zhang Ailing wrote back: "I'm barely enough, I can't help you, I'm really sorry." But I wish you well. Since that year, Zhang Zijing has left the door open every day, letting neighbors in and out, and will look at them when they pass by.
In 1995, the legendary female writer Eileen Chang died alone at her home in Los Angeles, USA, with no one around her, and her will was surprising: "I will give my dear friends Song Qi and Xia Zhiqing my best friends." ”
Years later, Zhang Ailing's savings totaled as high as 320,000 US dollars, equivalent to more than 2 million yuan, which makes people wonder why her younger brother Zhang Zijing was not mentioned in her will.
However, Zhang Zijing did not complain about this, he said: "My sister treats me as usual, but rarely greets me. I understand her personality and the difficulties of her later life, and I only miss her and have no complaints.
No matter how things change in the world, she and I are family, and blood ties are ...... that can never be changed”
My Sister Zhang Ailing": An Ordinary and Affectionate Brother After Zhang Ailing's death, his younger brother Zhang Zijing began his writing career and wrote the book "My Sister Zhang Ailing".
At the beginning of the book, he wrote: "I am a 'very beautiful' and 'unambitious' brother in Zhang Ailing's pen. I am 74 years old, living in a small house in downtown Shanghai, and I am a retired middle school English teacher for 10 years.
The day after the Mid-Autumn Festival in 1995, when I heard the news of my sister's death, my mind was blank for a few days, and I often sat for a long time, unable to think of anything.
Later, when I re-read that article "Brother", I finally couldn't help but cry! 'Beautiful' me, already old;'No ambition', I have been mediocre for most of my life, and I am still an ordinary man.
For so many years, I, like my sister, have lived alone. But I don't feel lonely in my heart, because I know that my sister is still on the other side of the world, living with me.
Especially when I read her article, I feel even more dear. In the spring of 1997, Zhang Zijing died. He lived peacefully in the 14-square-meter cottage left by his father and stepmother, and completed his 76-year life peacefully.
His words are the same as his sister Zhang Ailing, full of affection and warmth, which makes people feel extremely warm. Although he is an ordinary person, he has an affectionate heart, and his thoughts and nostalgia for his sister deeply touched us.
His story makes us feel the shortness and preciousness of life, as well as the greatness and depth of family affection.
My Sister Zhang Ailing is a memoir of the elderly Zhang Zijing, who has gained a deeper understanding of Zhang Ailing by reading his sister's works. Although some childhood memories and a few meetings as an adult make up part of the book, most of it is excerpted and pieced together from my sister's work.
As the younger brother of a fellow mother, he didn't really know Zhang Ailing, which is regrettable. Although he said that he would not complain, he still expressed dissatisfaction and resentment from the words.
He always emphasizes that his sister is a genius and he is a mediocre talent, which is his true perception of himself. Zhang Zijing has a clear understanding of her life status: "I lived weakly and helplessly for most of my life. ”
However, who is to blame for this weakness and helplessness? This is a question worth pondering.
Zhang Zijing was in hardship in her later years, fighting for real estate with her father and stepmother, and spent two years in chaos. Compared with his sister Zhang Ailing, he does not have the talent to write for a living, nor does he have the courage to fight independently for his own life.
He looked forward to his parents' arranged marriage, but gambled away his marriage savings, and finally died alone and helpless for the rest of his life. Although Zhang Ailing once broke her brother's heart, Zhang Zijing accused her sister in public of being a "stain on the family", so why didn't she hurt her sister's heart?
In the end, Zhang Ailing left a million-dollar inheritance to her close friend, but did not give her brother a dime, which made Zhang Zijing feel even more lonely and helpless. Zhang Zijing's plight is sympathetic, but he is really responsible for himself.
Only he can change his destiny and find his own happiness. We hope that Zhang Zijing can be cared for by her parents and family in the next life, meet the love of her life, get married and have children, and enjoy a happy life full of children and grandchildren.