The three major feelings that affect relationships, love, dependence, and anticipation, are deeply reflected in this experience.
As an only child, working within the system, divorced and having children, your emotional journey carries a complex emotional baggage. However, in the guy you meet, you seem to find a refreshing liking. This kind of liking is as pure as first love, making you feel that the two of you get along seamlessly. His attractiveness, as well as his adequate response to your emotions, keep you hooked on it.
However, love is not a one-sided pursuit, but a balance and interaction. Your emotional dependence on him may seem to him beyond what he can bear. This excessive dependence and expectation made him feel burdened. He may feel like he is being placed in a position high above him and is unable to breathe freely.
At the time of the breakup, he expressed his confusion and helplessness. Love requires freedom and balance on both sides, and excessive anticipation and dependence can distort the nature of the relationship, leading to exhaustion and discomfort for both partners. Perhaps at this moment, what is needed is mutual understanding and self-reflection in order to build a healthier and more balanced relationship.
In a relationship between men and women, loving and being loved are basic needs for each other, but excessive control often upsets this balance.
The feeling of submersion, like a flood, drowns out the individual's sense of existence, making them feel suffocated. This feeling comes from excessive attention, making the other person feel that they are completely dissolved in the other person's care. In the relationship between the female protagonist and the man, her excessive expectations and praise may make the man feel overwhelmed.
The opposite of a sense of control is self-determination, an individual's sense of control over one's own life. Everyone wants to have control over their lives, so good men care about this in particular. For the man, he may feel that the female protagonist is trying to control his life, making him feel unfree and depressed.
In the process of building a healthy relationship, there is a need to balance loving and being loved, respecting the other person's autonomy and personal space. Excessive control can upset this balance and make the relationship unstable. Therefore, the heroine needs to reflect on her own behavior, as well as her attitude towards the man, so as to establish a more equal and respectful relationship.
A sense of boundaries is crucial in the relationship between a man and a woman.
Boundary perception refers to an individual's ability to maintain their own identity and independence in a relationship. People who lack a sense of boundaries tend to be overwhelmed by other people's emotions, judgments, or flattery, and this situation can often put a strain on relationships.
For those who are prone to being overwhelmed, it is essential to improve the sense of boundaries. Rejecting others can be the first step in boundary building. Before I turned 30, I struggled with saying no. However, on the occasion of my 30th birthday, I made three promises to myself, one of which was to be a person who lived for myself.
Boundary building is an ongoing process that requires continuous learning and practice. I chose to pursue a full-time career in psychology, which is also my respect and expression of my self-boundaries.
While it's not easy to establish boundaries, it's key to protecting yourself and maintaining a healthy relationship. By learning to reject others, we can better maintain a sense of self-control and thus avoid being overwhelmed by the expectations and needs of others.
The sense of grasping refers to a desire to possess the other person, and unlike the sense of submersion and the sense of boundary, it manifests itself as possessiveness towards the other person. However, people with ** values tend to be sensitive to this desire.
If we can approach the relationship with an attitude of blessing and a fulfillment mentality, the other person will feel abundant rather than grasping. For example, if you are focused on creating an abundant life, and the other person is here to join you, then he is willing to share his resources with you, and together you will build a richer life.
This mindset also applies to monetary relationships. When you want money from the other person, the other person can often sense your desire and thus develop an aversion. However, if you approach the relationship with a light-hearted attitude and focus on the relationship itself rather than the outcome, money will flow more easily.
In addition, the sense of grasping also makes it easy for the other person to feel that they are objectified, rather than being treated as an independent individual. When building healthy relationships, we need to be aware of the impact that feelings of drowning, boundaries, and grasping have on relationships, and work towards building a relationship model of mutual respect and equality.