When it comes to leftover men and girls, parents often grit their teeth.
Why are young people now reluctant to get married", seeing the problem is not the ability, seeing through the problem is not the ability, and resolving the problem is the same.
Everyone's eyes can see the situation of the outside world when they open their eyes, but they rarely "look inside", and even have the illusion that they are the best, and the fault is others, which is social injustice.
The poet Pope said, "The state actually magnifies the family." By analogy, a child's life is a shrinking family.
The family is really important to the marriage of children.
From a realistic analysis, if the children are in their thirties and do not find a partner, it shows the three truths of the family.
Parents are too strong and interfere too much in their children's love.
Comparing hearts to hearts, we will educate our children to find a partner, and avoid parents-in-law and parents-in-law who are too strong.
Because strong parents will interfere in their children's marriages, men may become mother-in-law men, and women may not be able to get rid of their mother's family for the rest of their lives.
Looking back, are we, as parents, too aggressive? Is there any loosening of the marriage of children?
The Tang Dynasty poet Bai Juyi, when he was a child, he and the girl next door, Xiangling, were childhood sweethearts. But Bai Juyi's mother did not agree, because the Bai family has a high status, the neighbors are ordinary people, and Bai Juyi falls in love, which will affect his fame.
In order to achieve fate, Bai Juyi studied hard and became a jinshi in his twenties. I thought to myself, this time my mother should have agreed. But it backfired, and the mother still disagreed.
This stranding, Bai Juyi is in his thirties. He is not happy with any family business, and always misses Xiang Ling: "It is cold in the middle of the night, and I can't sleep alone." ”
Although today's young people no longer believe in "the words of the matchmaker, the order of their parents", respect for their parents is still needed.
When parents are forced to use various conditions to restrain their children, it is difficult for them to succeed in finding a partner.
The book "The Family of Origin" points out: "When the children of controlling parents become adults, their sense of self-identity will be somewhat blurred. It is difficult for them to see themselves as individuals who exist apart from their parents, and they do not know how to distinguish between their own needs and those of their parents. They have a deep sense of powerlessness. ”The object that parents like, the children do not like; Parents oppose the object of their children's needs. Just when they were playing with each other, many years passed, and their children reached middle age.
What's even more terrifying is that parents are too controlling and have too many arrangements for their children's lives, which leads to their children's confusion in life, so that they can't do anything well and keep messing around.
Parents do not have the foresight, they cannot retire themselves, and they still sit and wait for their children to provide for their old age.
I have seen such a point of view: Today's concept of marriage has changed, and parents have no pension, which has become an obstacle to their children's marriage.Is that right?
That's right, put forward the reason that if children want to get married, they need an economic foundation, and they will also consider how to support the elderly in the future. If the parents have pensions, savings, houses, etc., it is in terms of pension, and the children are loosened.
As a young person, I am under a lot of pressure, and it will be much better if I reduce the pressure of supporting my parents. Therefore, the matter of retirement is included in the conditions for finding a partner.
There is also a reason for saying that it is not right: children have to rely on themselves and cannot rely on their parents' pensions to live. It is a matter of course to support one's parents.
Besides, parents are old, and they will not trouble their children unless they have to.
In any case, whether or not parents can retire reflects the importance of the "maintenance task" and the foresight of the parents themselves.
From the perspective of parents who have successfully retired, when they are middle-aged, they work harder, and they will also save money, buy houses, etc., to pave the way for their own retirement, which truly embodies "relying on themselves".
When parents pass on the spirit of "relying on themselves" to their children, children are also more independent. This is also the attraction of children when looking for a partner.
To tell the truth, when parents are in their fifties and sixties, they sit and wait for their children to support their old age, which is really painful for their children. It's not that the children are not filial, but that there is a lot of pressure on all aspects and they can't be considered.
The big family is not harmonious, and the reputation is very stinky, which makes outsiders stay away.
Xiao Li, who is from the same village as me, is very handsome and works in Dongguan, but he brought two women home and did not become a partner.
Later, Xiao Li found out that his uncle was very bad. Every time a woman comes home with him, the uncle will secretly tell the woman: "You dare to come to this family?" The old man is noisy all day long, and his father has domestic violence, which is arrogant and unreasonable.
Of course, what the uncle said was also the truth, and the whole village knew about such a situation.
However, from the perspective of the family, the uncle should not say this, after all, the uncle is also a member of the "big family" and must learn to maintain family harmony.
From Xiao Li's parents, because the relationship between husband and wife is very bad, it has a very bad reputation, and any girl, after knowing the situation, will run away.
The educator Makarenko said: "The integrity and solidarity of the family collective is an essential condition for a good education. ”If a family is not good, don't blame your neighbors for "giving bad reviews"; If the family is not united, don't blame outsiders for bullying; If the family smears and makes each other bad, then don't expect anyone to help.
Finding a partner, to a certain extent, is to get along with another family, not just how the relationship between the two people is.
The bad of the big family is like a dark cloud, and the object of the children will also stay away.
In the film "What is Home", the little boy Zain said bitterly"I'm going to sue my parents because they gave birth to me. ”
The influence of the family on the children's finding a partner is really great.
If the children are in their thirties and are still alone, then the reason should be analyzed and corrected.
First, parents should respect their children, and they should respect and accept their boyfriends and girlfriends. It's okay to give advice, but don't be demanding.
Second, if children find that their parents' three views are not correct, or the pattern of parents is too small, then they should communicate in a timely manner, and if they cannot communicate, children and parents should keep their distance, and children should become another family.
Third, the family should have the foresight to arrange the life of the elderly in their old age, which requires both filial piety and economic foundation.
Fourth, establish a good family style, adhere to kindness, unite the people around you, and make the family a blessed land.
When children find a partner, fighting is not only money, but also the attraction of the family.
Children looking for a partner is actually a process of building a nest and attracting phoenixes.