Here's what a reader wrote:
I was quite speechless about my daughter: after graduating from college, she spent several years lounging at home in the name of graduate school entrance examination. Now, instead of going ashore for graduate school entrance examinations and unwilling to find a job, I hang out with a 61-year-old widowed old man (my daughter is 26 years old this year). In the words of her daughter: The other party has a pension of more than 10,000 yuan per month, why do you have to go to work when your daughter can please the other party.
My husband and I both have hometowns in the countryside, and we were able to gain a foothold in our current city through the entrance examination, and then we got a house in the city where we worked through frugality, and we felt that our lives were very fulfilling. Why did my daughter come to her and she adhered to the lazy lifestyle?
I need to admit that when I gave birth to my daughter, I was still in the stage of family planning, so after my daughter was born, my husband and I adhered to the pampered posture of our daughter. At that time, my daughter's academic performance was acceptable, and I didn't think my daughter had a tendency to be lazy. Why did my daughter suddenly become a parasite after college?
Although my husband and I do not have the ability and connections to help our daughter find a decent job, if my husband and I have a regular income every month, my daughter can find a job in the private company, which can be regarded as an explanation for herself and my husband and me. Unexpectedly, my daughter would rather find a retired old man to live a life of being fostered, rather than rely on her hard-working hands to live a relatively dignified life.
When my daughter first started a relationship with that old man, my daughter still came home often, or my husband and I talked to our daughter too much, and my daughter simply doesn't come home now. In this case, my husband and I went to the old man's house several times to negotiate, but to no avail.
Now, I feel that my daughter has simply disgraced my husband and me. Because of the relationship between my daughter and the old man, my husband and I didn't have the face to mention it in front of our neighbors. The point is, this kind of thing will definitely not be hidden after a long time. The thought that my daughter will face too much fingering in her future life makes me angry.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
Contemporary young people's views on marriage and love and consumption are indeed changing, and common phenomena include:
1. I don't want to take on too many loans to buy a house.
There are three reasons why young people are not very enthusiastic about buying a house: 1) their parents have already bought a house for them when they are still adults; 2) When I was growing up, I witnessed my parents living a low-quality life with a mortgage; 3) The investment value of the house has shown a loss-making trend in recent years. The combination of these three factors makes too many young people not consider buying a house in their current life planning when they are not rich in money. In addition, the consumption concept of contemporary young people has also become more rational: they usually choose the latter between luxury goods and domestic products of better quality. To a certain extent, the outlook on life of contemporary young people is examined: relatively confident, relatively sober.
Second, I don't want to take on too much debt to realize my marriage wish.
Nowadays, many boys are reluctant to show affection in front of girls, and feel that they should show a relatively fair posture in the emotional field. For this reason, some relatively tsundere girls are becoming more and more unpopular in the marriage market. What's more, in the face of the high bride price, more and more boys will feel that they would rather be single than have too much debt because of the marriage itself. Leads to a change in boys' view of marriage and love: the divorce rate is gradually increasing, so that boys don't want to be too persistent in the field of marriage and love, and worry that after paying sincerely, it will be in exchange for the effect of being wasted. Of course, there are still some girls who can't keep pace with the times and show a tsundere posture in the marriage market, when these girls can't get the pampering they want from boys of the same age, they can only shift their goals to the uncle.
3. If there is a chance to lie down, you will never choose to struggle.
Some contemporary young people are indifferent to their responsibilities and obligations about life, and feel that the process of living must first be happy, and when they are unhappy, they have no ability to take care of more people around them. Or, the current workplace is indeed a bit too volacy, causing them to get tired of this kind of tiring lifestyle. For this reason, when they have the capital to lie flat, they will definitely not choose to struggle. I have seen such a paragraph: If you are looking for a partner, you must find a widowed elderly person with a pension, because you live with them and can not be controlled at the financial level. What I didn't expect was that when people had such a joke, there were people who were willing to turn the joke into reality. Or in response to that sentence: The paragraph ** is in life, and it will eventually be presented in life.
Fourth, I don't care much about other people's evaluations, and there is a wave of family breaks.
There is a saying that when you are not embarrassed, it is others who are embarrassed. Heartfelt words: For the vast majority of people, they still feel very sad when they are pointed at by the people around them. But it is true that some people like to show their own way in life, and they don't care about what others say about them. In addition, there are many young people who are also tired of the more hypocritical politeness between relatives, so that they simply give up the behavior of visiting relatives during the New Year's holidays, and even during the year, they are unwilling to have any form of contact with relatives, at best, they only know in their hearts that they are related to some people, but in the actual operation process, they show a state of breaking off relatives. Or in their cognition, relatives are really not as good as partners.
In the online world, we often hear several voices: 1) complaining that we make less money, but the city where we live has high consumption; 2) Knowing that his monthly salary is only a few thousand, he thinks that tens of thousands are just a small amount of money; 3) In the online world, you can see people with a monthly salary of tens of thousands and millions of savings. The news, which is both true and false, will make some people who do not have the most basic ability to discern feel impetuous. What I want to say is that you might as well look at the state of the people around you, and clearly understand that you can only make money within your cognition and the circle is very important. For this reason, when you are more ordinary, you should reconcile with your ordinariness, instead of seeing people above your circle living a more comfortable life, causing yourself to be depressed.
Finding a marriage partner is a more important decision in life, but some people will choose extremes for vested interests. The key is that in the face of the persuasion of the people around him, he still can't listen to it. In this case, even as their relatives, it will not help. What I want to say is that everyone has their own way of life, especially in adulthood, they must bear the corresponding price for what they do. The relationship between your daughter and the old man is unreliable in your cognition, but it is too reliable in your daughter's cognition. Since you don't have the ability to handle your daughter well, let her go. As for society, I don't think it's a difficult thing to deal with, after all, your daughter is just looking for a partner with a huge age difference, not a third party.
Editor's note: People sometimes live a very contradictory life, and when they are longing for freedom, they hope that all their words and deeds will not be restricted in any way; Only when one's own interests are violated can one feel the meaning of the existence of law and morality. What I want to say is that the so-called freedom is only a relative concept, so when understanding freedom, we should not be too double-standard. I still think that freedom under relative bondage is the state that human beings should have.
Cultural tradition is the soul of a nation, with the development of the times, cultural tradition must need to be revised with the times, but some of the culture that should be adhered to must not be lost. China is a humane society, and in the process of interpersonal interactions, feelings are also more important, so there is no need for people to show too indifferent postures. In addition, the traditional habit of getting married when a man is married and a woman is getting married should not be easily lost. Remind everyone: be aware of the need to protect your country's cultural traditions.
*from the web, **unrelated).