When we were young, our parents used to instill in us the notion that we should not talk to strangers.
Therefore, when we see a stranger, we instinctively "become alert", even if the other person is just asking for directions, just saying a few words lightly, and quickly leaving.
When we are in danger, we look for acquaintances to help as soon as possible. According to the principle of intimacy, acquaintances will also be divided into family, relatives, friends, classmates, colleagues, etc., and treated differently. The most trustworthy are the family members who are related by blood, as well as the people next to them.
The psychologist Carl Jung once said, "The subconscious mind is controlling your life, and you call it 'fate.'" ”That is to say, on the way of our growth and maturity, we will encounter a lot of "hints", and most of these "hints" are ** people and things around us.
The "Hedgehog Law" tells us that people get too close to each other and can't avoid hurting each other.
It is not difficult to find that the people who can hurt you are not outsiders, but "your own people". In the future, no matter who you associate with, you need to keep a certain distance, improve your cognition, and avoid "internal injuries".
First, the pillow person who is too scheming: husband and wife centrifugal.
"Zhu Zi's Family Motto" wrote: "A beautiful concubine is not the blessing of the boudoir." Slaves should not be handsome, and wives and concubines should not wear makeup. ”From ancient times to the present, good couples pay attention to character, rather than focusing on appearance and dressing. After all, couples are not ordinary social relationships and need to stay together for a lifetime, not once or twice together.
In our subconscious, we will have the feeling that "love at first sight is true love", thinking that the opposite sex that looks pleasing to the eye is the object we are looking for, which is the "eye edge". This is often the beginning of a "miscalculation".
During the Spring and Autumn Period, Jin Xiangong liked the concubine Liji very much; Reiki wants her own son to become the heir to the Jin Kingdom.
One day, Liji said to the crown prince Shensheng, "I dreamed of your mother, Jiang. The implication is to imply that the prince wants to worship his late mother and express his filial piety.
During the worship, Liki secretly replaced the food, resulting in a plate of poisonous meals becoming a tribute.
A dog ate the meal and immediately rolled its eyes. Jin Xiangong was very angry about this, so the father and son made a feud.
Historically, Daji in the Shang Dynasty, Bao Xi in the Zhou Dynasty, and Yang Guifei in the Tang Dynasty all had the side of harming the king.
There is a local saying in the countryside: "The wind on the pillow blows accurately." ”A beautiful and handsome pillow person, if the scheming is too heavy, then it is a sign of poor character. However, we are "fans of the authorities" and think that the person next to us is very good to us.
Men are afraid of marrying the wrong wife, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man. A good husband and wife are mutually successful, not for their own selfish interests, otherwise, it will be a lifetime of mistakes.
Second, friends who are affectionate and profitable: self-interest harms others.
In the "Theory of Friends", it is said: "When it is the same benefit, the temporary party is regarded as a friend, and it is also hypocritical." ”When friends are friends, it is inevitable that there will be the problem of interest exchange, but interests and friendship go hand in hand. If you put interests first and look at friendship very lightly, then friends are "people in disguise" and are not worth associating.
There is such a story in Lü's Spring and Autumn Period: During the Eastern Zhou Dynasty, Meng Sheng, the leader of the Mohist school, and Yangchengjun of the Chu State were friends. Yang Chengjun handed over his fief to Meng Sheng to manage.
When King Chu mourned his death, Yangchengjun participated in the rebellion, and after that, he fled alone.
As the saying goes, "The tree falls and the tree scatters." ”
According to common sense, when Yangchengjun fled from Chu State, Meng Sheng should have broken off diplomatic relations with him. But Meng Sheng is a person who values love and righteousness, sticks to the fief, is unwilling to leave, and is unwilling to hand over the fief. As a result, Meng Sheng fell into the situation of "being unjust to his friends and being unkind to the Mo family".
Friends are a few grasshoppers on a rope, if you can't unify the pace, or someone damages the "team" for your own sake, people who really talk about benevolence and righteousness will be ashamed and will suffer losses.
Thirdly, very jealous of your acquaintances: there is a thorn in the eye.
During the Warring States Period, Pang Juan, the general of Wei, was jealous of Sun Bin's talent, and deceived Sun Bin to Wei in the name of his classmates, and then imprisoned Sun Bin.
The French writer Georges Sand once said, "It is the characteristic of the envious to hate others for stealing their happiness." ”
People who are jealous of you actually want to live happily like you, get a lot of material things, have a high position, and have a lot of talents. But they won't learn from you, they will find ways to steal your results.
The most hateful thing is that some people think so: What I can't get, you can't think of;Just pull you into the water and I'll be happy.
Those who are jealous of you will not directly say what they think, but will say something very hypocritical that will make you mistakenly think that it is a "like". When you trust him, he will cheat behind his back.
Fourth, parents without pattern: pull you back.
Someone said: "The pattern of the parents, the end of the child." ”
If your parents are small, you will have a feeling that you want to fly high, but you can't.
Parents always say, "I'm all for your good." But this love is too heavy for people to bear. If everything goes according to your parents, your ideals will not be realized; If you don't obey your parents, you fall into the point of "unfilial piety".
Everyone yearns for freedom and has their own three views. The body is affected by the parents, but the thoughts, knowledge, patterns, etc., will not be exactly the same as the parents. If parents don't understand this, their children will be tired and unable to truly spread their wings.
Of course, there are also some families, because there are several siblings, and the parents have the idea of preference, which leads to disunity and the family is in decline step by step.
What should you do when you meet someone who hurts you?
It stands to reason that for those who hurt themselves, they need to break off relations. However, there are some relationships and emotions that cannot be truly broken.
Therefore, we must know how to "pursue advantages and avoid disadvantages". First, improve your own cognition, screen the words and deeds of the people around you, and don't be convinced; second, while tolerating the people around you with love, actively educate and punish them; Third, keep a certain distance and don't huddle together every day; Fourth, get close to people with positive energy.
In The Weakness of Human Nature, it is written: "Trying to be close to those who know you, trust you, and encourage you will have a great impact on your future success." ”May you and I read good books, make good friends, meet good relatives, and be ourselves.