One writer said he went to visit his mother and had just picked up a thermos.
The mother came over, grabbed the thermos, and said, "The freshly boiled water is very hot, let me come." ”
That time was my mother's 70th birthday.
Perhaps, you also have the same mother. I am willing to do everything for me, and I have to take care of everything myself.
No matter what you do, your parents are not at ease and have to intervene. If you refuse, your parents will feel that they are useless and blame themselves harshly.
When you also become a parent, you know that "pity the hearts of parents in the world". The love of parents is selfless and touching, but excessive love makes people uncomfortable.
The playwright George Bernard Shaw once said, "Self-control is the instinct of the strongest." ”As a parent, what you need to control is not your child, but your own "selfishness", and letting go is the best love.
Put away the "desire to control", and the child will be free.
There was a mother who traveled with her child, and she was always absent-minded, saying, "When two people go together, half of their heart is on that person, and only half of their heart is looking at the scenery." ”The child walks for fear of falling; The child went to the glass plank road, and the parents were terrified; The child should take pictures and not leave the line of sight. In this way of traveling, children cannot feel the beauty of the scenery, and parents are also very boring.
In ordinary life, there are often parents who want to look through their children's school bags. If you find a shopping receipt, a person's name written on it in your notebook, something that is not your home in the stationery box, and a dirty pencil, you will be suspicious. After a while, these doubts became the handle of "interrogating" the child.
In "Little Shede", Tian Yulan is a very strong mother. She loves her children unconditionally while also not allowing them to fail. She forced her children to study, no matter how expensive the tutoring class was.
The child can't bear it, so he cries. She said, "My mother, what do you have to do so that you can be happy?" ”
The scene of the mother and son hugging and crying is indeed touching, but the child cannot understand it 100%, and there is only grievance and resistance in his heart.
Confucius said: "A gentleman does not respect the people, does not condemn the people, does not blame the people for what they do not do, and does not force the people to do what they cannot." ”Educate your children not to be condescending and not to blame them for their incompetence. You know, the ruler is short and the inch is long, the child will not you will not, you will the child will not. How can it be exactly the same?
The ten fingers are all different, but each has its own ability. If you use one finger as the standard to control other fingers, it is estimated that this palm is abolished. Only by developing according to nature can we play the greatest role.
Put away the "arrangement", and the child will fly.
Around us, we often meet parents who have just been born and helped to buy a house, decorate it, and buy furniture; When her daughter was still in school, she prepared a dowry and set a standard for finding a son-in-law.
The child said he was thirsty, and the parents rushed to buy water, and if it was colder, they had to buy hot water. When a child drinks cold water, the parents will be angry.
In order to leave a lot of wealth to their children, parents try their best to stay up late, work overtime, and make money. When he was tired and panting, he complained and thought that the child did not appreciate it.
Sister Zhang, a neighbor of mine, and her husband and wife get up at 2 a.m. every day to make steamed buns and open the store at 5 a.m. At night, when you are at **, you have to prepare the next day's meals, flour, etc.
She didn't have time to ask about her son's academic performance.
Once, his son took a failing test paper and asked Sister Zhang to sign it. She was angry: "Why don't you understand me? How tired am I? Don't you see it? ”
After being scolded, the son kept his head down for a long time. Later, he went back to his old ways.
There is a kind of parent who gets up early every day and goes home at night, but they don't have time to discipline their children and can't talk heart-to-heart. They only know how to make money, and they think that money is everything.
There is a saying that children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren. No matter how powerful the parents are, if they only leave wealth and no wisdom, this family will definitely be ruined.
In fact, parents cannot arrange the life of their children, because parents will take the first step. For the rest of his life, his children walked on their own. Let them fly and force them to be independent, which is the best policy.
Put away the "weak heart", and parents will feel at ease.
In the Suzhou garden, there is a "Humble Administrator's Garden". At the beginning of the sixteenth century, Wang Xianchen spent a lot of money to build the garden.
His son was lazy and often gambled. Although Wang Xianchen was very annoyed by his son's words and deeds, he did not make up his mind to discipline his son. After all, looking at their son's pitiful appearance, the parents were reluctant to beat and scold him.
After Wang Xianchen passed away, his son owed a large amount of gambling debts and had to sell the garden to Xu Shaoquan. Later, the descendants of the Xu family were not angry, and the garden was abandoned.
"I can't bear the child, I can't trap the wolf". The wolf is fierce, but you have to conquer it, not fear it. When parents have the character of wolves, their children will also have wolf nature, which is the principle of "the son inherits the father's business".When talking about parents, there are two very classic words - father's love is like a mountain, and mother's love is like water.
The mountain is majestic, like a huge "embrace"; The mountain is also resolute and the backer of the family.
Water is soft and moisturizes all things; The water is also ferocious and can destroy the dikes.
Therefore, the love of parents is a double-edged sword, you can't just use the soft side, but also the tough side. At a critical time, it is the responsibility of parents to give their children a slap in the face.When children are as strong as their parents, they are truly relieved to live out their old age in peace.
"Eye-sending" wrote: "There are some roads that can only be walked alone. I slowly and slowly learned that the so-called father-daughter-mother-son relationship just means that your fate with him is to constantly watch her back drift away in this life and this life. ”The relationship between parents and children should be measured. Excessive unease is the growth of Confucius's children; Excessive indulgence is a symptom of raising a loser.
The best way to discipline your children is to follow their growth and let them be independent step by step until they can walk on their own.
For children, it is better to collect tens of millions of pets in one body, and it is better to set livelihood skills in one hand.
It is not the ability to control others, but it is to control yourself.