After the movie "Disappearing Her" hit the air, the topic of low-cost love once again aroused heated discussions. What is a low-cost relationship? In short, it's verbal promises that outweigh actions, or "I love you" with small, low-cost concerns.
Looking back on the "Chinese pregnant woman falling off a cliff in Thailand", the actor Yu Xiaodong not only served a prison sentence and had a history of marriage, but also a gambler who was addicted to gambling and was in debt. In order to get rid of the economic predicament, he selected Wang Nuannuan as the "hunting target". After three years of research, Yu Xiaodong skillfully put on a disguised coat for himself based on Wang Nuannuan's interests and hobbies revealed in the circle of friends.
Wang Nuannuan is in a foreign country, lonely and eager to care, Yu Xiaodong often gives her considerate greetings, giving her encouragement and strength. When Wang Nuannuan lamented the lack of sense of responsibility of men in modern society and only wanted temporary pleasure, Yu Xiaodong took the opportunity to make an affectionate vow to spend his life with her.
Under Yu Xiaodong's carefully planned warm offensive, Wang Nuannuan quickly fell into an emotional vortex. She mistakenly thought that she had found her ideal home, but she never expected that all this was an emotional trap set by Yu Xiaodong to achieve her personal goals.
Even if Wang Nuannuan later learned the truth about Yu Xiaodong's gambling habits, huge debts, and criminal records, she still chose to stick to it under the comfort of the other party's sweet words. Some people may criticize this as a manifestation of "love brain", thinking that Wang Nuannuan is just deceived by a scumbag who is good at disguise. But the reality is that most people are easily confused by low-cost overtures, ignoring a deeper understanding of the other person's personality qualities.
For example, when the other party sends a few barbecues late at night, or cooks a cup of brown sugar water during their menstrual period, many people will regard these subtle actions as careful care, and then gradually become dependent, and believe that the other party is worthy of lifelong trust. However, these superficial thoughtfulness does not represent true love, and we need to examine the relationship more rationally and see the true face of the other person.
On today's screen, all kinds of sweet pet dramas emerge in endlessly, attracting many audiences, and even mistaking the romantic situations in the play for the true meaning of love in real life. However, people who hold this concept often have not yet established mature and stable love values.
Looking back at a news event in Shanghai, in the summer of 2013, Yang Liping and Zhu Xiaodong met unexpectedly at a party. Yang Liping has always been a well-behaved and quiet girl, while Zhu Xiaodong has no fixed occupation, and her only advantage may be that she looks quite handsome. In the matter of marriage, Yang Liping chose to marry naked out of trust in Zhu Xiaodong's "kindness", without a wedding dress or wedding room, and even gave up the bride price. However, her tolerance and understanding did not lead to the happy life she expected.
Soon after marriage, this man, who could only provide "considerate care", cheated and committed violence one after another, and finally caused a tragic family tragedy - he killed Yang Liping and hid her body in the refrigerator for 105 days.
These real-life cases are a reminder that a person who is "good to you" does not mean that he is a good person. The kindness you see is only a deliberate aspect of him; And the other side you don't see may be a huge risk. Therefore, we must look beyond those "low-cost overtures" and gain insight into their essence from the details of daily life. As Professor Leung Wing-on said, "In the real world, endless sweet pets are just illusions, and no one can create sweetness for you around the clock and unconditionally." ”
In this world, everything has its own inherent logic and price, and there is no such thing as gratuitous kindness. While I can't generalize, I still hope that you will be vigilant and sensible to discern the real motives behind those "low-cost" expressions.
When faced with this question, some people may wonder: if finding a spouse cannot guarantee even the most basic "good for me", then what is the point of our marriage? Of course, "good to me" is an important criterion, but more importantly, we need to pay attention to the "scarce qualities" in the other person who are really valuable.
What is a "scarce resource"? This may be the other person's eloquence and wisdom, initiative, ability to deal with problems, emotional management skills, and recognition and respect for the family. Behind these qualities, it reflects the overall quality of a person's family education, cultivation, knowledge and values, which need to be obtained by adhering to principles, constantly improving oneself and improving one's behavior, and are by no means disguised by short-term disguise.
In other words, first find someone with good qualities, and then find out if he really loves you. A strong and long-lasting relationship cannot be supported by sweet words alone, and is based on identifying and confirming the core qualities of the other person.
Take the couple of actor ** Yun and Guo Aiming as an example. When they fell in love with each other because of their theatrical collaboration, the people around them advised Guo Aiming to think carefully. At that time, Guo Aiming was not only the champion of Miss Hong Kong, but also had a double master's degree from the University of Southern California, with beauty and wisdom coexisting; And ** Yun, who has a low education, only graduated from junior high school, and also plays a supporting role in TVB, and his family is not wealthy. However, Guo Aiming values ** Yun's hard work spirit and sense of responsibility to the family.
After marriage, Guo Aiming chose to quit the entertainment industry and concentrate on being a housewife, while **Yun emerged in the entertainment industry with unremitting efforts, providing a solid guarantee for the family. After becoming famous, **Yun has always adhered to his promise to Guo Aiming, no matter how famous he is, he has always been clean and self-conscious, and has never had an affair with any actress. He practices the role of a "good husband" with practical actions.
There is a saying: "The greatest adventure in life is human relationships, especially marriage." This sentence reminds us that when choosing a partner, we should not only see the superficial "good for me", but also dig deep and verify whether the other party has the inner qualities that can sustain the long-term development of the marriage.
Choosing a partner often determines a lot about what kind of life you will live. Therefore, it is important to carefully discern and carefully select, focusing on the element of "scarce quality". Here are a few tips to help you make an informed choice.
1. Observe his choices in conflict of interest.
The pursuit of profit is the instinct of human nature, but the attitude and behavior in the face of interests can show a person's moral standard. If a person goes against his principles for money and breaks the bottom line, don't be fooled into thinking that it is for the good life you all have, in fact, you may have walked with the devil. Once his feelings for you fade, sooner or later those bad tactics will be inflicted on you.
2. Have the courage to communicate on sensitive topics.
For example, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, domestic violence, gender equality and other deep-seated issues. Through these topics, you can gain insight into how he treats different opinions and whether he still respects and tolerates each other after an argument.
3. Explore the bottom line of his conduct.
The bottom line of character usually appears in two extreme states: one is when the spring breeze is proud, and the other is when it falls into a trough. Pay attention to his state when he is extremely angry, his attitude towards the weak, and his actions when he is at the lowest point in his life. If you can accept this, you can continue to deepen your relationship. If you can't tolerate it, you should withdraw as soon as possible. Because these problems can eventually turn into major problems in your relationship.
Finally, I would like to emphasize:
The most important person in your life is always yourself. Therefore, "continuous self-improvement" is a crucial issue.
Always maintain self-growth and have the strength to "choose your ideal lifestyle". While this doesn't ensure that you completely avoid meeting bad people, it greatly increases your chances of attracting people of good quality who are similar to you, making them more likely to be present in your life.