Not rebellious adolescence, what did parents do right".
Yu Jianping, Editor-in-Chief, Modern Publishing House.
The stormy adolescence has both physical and psychological changes, and is facing increased academic pressure, how can we accompany our children to survive safely?
The team of front-line counselors led by senior psychological counselor Yu Jianping, with rich experience in adolescent counseling, extracted from a large number of front-line clinical cases the themes of adolescence in five aspects, including learning, interpersonal relationships, family relationships, network use, and emotional psychology, with a total of 25 common problems in adolescence, and interpreted them from the perspective of psychological counselors to give corresponding solutions.
Selected readings: Be a good guide for adolescent children (excerpt).
If parents want to be good guides, the premise is to form an alliance with their adolescent and face the important issues of their development.
So, what questions are important for adolescent children?
Learning is an important task for adolescent children, and it is probably the most concerned and anxious thing for many parents. Of course, in adolescence, school is the main business of children, and they face many entrance exams and great academic challenges. Under the fierce competition for higher education and heavy learning pressure, many children think that they have put in a lot of effort, but they cannot achieve the expected learning results, and then there are learning difficulties, lack of learning motivation, boredom of learning, self-isolation and other phenomena, and some even have learned helplessness. This psychology manifests itself as a persistent sense of helplessness and incompetence, doubts about one's own abilities, a feeling that oneself is unable to complete learning tasks, solve learning difficulties, and lose motivation for learning. At this time, what children need their parents to do is not to talk about the importance of learning, not to instill specific ways to improve their grades, not to mention criticism and accusation but to understand and accept. Regardless of grades, affirming your child's efforts, accepting the current situation, and protecting your child's self-esteem are the first priorities of parents. After children feel understood and supported, they can slowly get out of learned helplessness and regain the courage and confidence to face academic problems and find solutions.
Adolescence is an important time for children to develop interpersonal relationships. They crave friendships with those around them. In the process of engaging with different types of people, they strive to find individuals who match their values and interests, share their joys, share their worries, and provide emotional support. They also begin to develop an interest in love and intimacy, and are looking forward to being in love. Due to their lack of social experience in this process, they may experience some setbacks, such as social anxiety, peer pressure, teacher-student conflicts, etc. These setbacks can cause some emotional distress and discomfort to the child, but they can also be a valuable opportunity for the child's growth and have a positive side. Properly dealing with interpersonal problems can help children gain a deeper understanding of their own emotions, cognitions and behaviors, improve their self-awareness and self-reflection skills, and improve their ability to understand the views, needs and feelings of others, and resolve conflicts with mutually acceptable solutions, so as to improve their problem-solving skills in interpersonal communication.
Many parents often feel confused, headaches, and even chills because of their adolescent children's "rebellion". Teenagers who used to be close to their parents, when they reach adolescence, they disdain what their parents say, are unwilling to share their thoughts and feelings with their parents, and even close the door and refuse to communicate. In fact, trying to break away from the close connection with parents and seek independence is a manifestation of the normal development of the adolescent child's sense of self. This does not mean that the child has no love for his parents or ignores the wishes of his parents. They are experiencing an awakening of self-consciousness and are beginning to think independently and make decisions on their own. They want to grow through their own experiences and not just rely on their parents for guidance. They will consciously go against their parents' rules and build their uniqueness through continuous exploration and trial and error. Parents need to be patient enough to understand rebellion, support exploration, accept trial and error, and accompany their children to grow into mature individuals.
In the current information age, the Internet and electronic products have become important media in the lives of adolescent children. Moderate use of electronic devices contributes to the healthy development of children. On this issue, parents are often reasonable, and children do not listen; Set the rules, the child does not do it, confiscate the electronic products, may have a certain effect, but it is only a temporary problem, and the next time the child plays longer. I would recommend that parents be good "translators" and translate their children's inner needs hidden behind their addiction to electronic devices. In this way, there is an opportunity to find an alternative activity in real life that can also meet the child's needs. For example, a child who is passionate about video game leaderboards gets a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction by completing tasks and surpassing others in games. If in reality, children can participate in activities that can bring them a full sense of achievement, it is no longer difficult for children to put down their mobile phones and computers.
The emotions of the adolescent child are like a storm, the emotional experience is strong and changeable, and adolescence is also called the "stormy period". Because the emotional regulation center in the brain is still fully developed, they are susceptible to external influences and mood swings. Many adolescents experience emotional distress at this stage, often feeling depressed, lonely, depressed, anxious, and angry. If these negative emotions are not expressed and released by the child in time, they will accumulate in the heart for a long time, which will have different degrees of negative impact on the child's physical and mental health. Children learn to vent their emotions in a way that suits them, which is an important part of emotional management, which helps them better cope with mood swings, release stress, promote self-awareness and maintain good interpersonal relationships. Emotional stability is also an important developmental task in adolescence.
Author: Text: Yu Jianping Editor: Yuan Lulu Responsible Editor: Zhu Zifen.