Marriage is innumerable, trivial things, piled up one by one to face and solve.
Marriage is also like a company, all positions are available, all are required, but only 2 people run it. The wife is the chairman of logistics, and she is in charge of a position that cannot see money, but is indispensable, and is often the thankless person. But if you can learn skills from it, even if you have money, your powerful husband can't do without you....
How to do this logistics chairman well? In fact, as long as you put your mind to it, there are traces to follow.
When I was doing laundry, I saw my husband's socks and clothes everywhere, so I couldn't help but start complaining and attacking.
Why is it always like this, how many times have you said it and haven't changed, it's like this over and over again, the more you say it, the more he doesn't change, every time he complains, the feelings are consumed once, the distance is further away once, and it is slowly consumed....
Recall that we are like this in our original family, we often hear our mother's nagging, why the socks are not put together, and the clothes are a pile of them. This scene is not particularly familiar.
You once said in your heart that when you grow up, don't talk and nag like them.
But you find that after entering the marriage, as long as you have a few opportunities to do laundry, you will unconsciously look like your parents when you see this scene.
In psychology comes; The more we criticize our parents for what they are doing wrong, the more we will become like them.
In psychology comes; The more we criticize our parents for what they are doing wrong, the more we will become like them.
Because this belief has been planted deep in the subconscious, as long as we plant the faith, this belief will take root until it flourishes.
And to break these negative beliefs, we can only have a chance to change the outcome if we re-establish new beliefs and let new beliefs replace old ones.
For example, in the previous example, if we want to change, we have to reset our beliefs.
1: I see that it is the model of the parents, their way of life and the solution to the problem, but that is not mine, I can choose other solutions.
2: When we see socks thrown around, there will still be a lot of emotions coming up, this is because we have complained about our parents, imperceptibly, and internalized over time, and we can choose to let these emotions see the light. For example: I saw you throwing around, I was angry, I complained, I was really annoyed to see it, a pile here, a pile there, it really broke me, I got angry when I saw this, I really tried to throw it away, I won't wash you anymore, you come by yourself...
Until your emotions are released, and then say to yourself, I allow myself, I see my emotions, I see my anger, I see everything, I allow myself, accept myself, until my emotions are calm, and then tell myself, I choose to encounter this again, communicate well, express it well, choose to accept it gladly, choose him to have this habit, allow him, believe that he will change one day, even if he does not change, I will allow it to exist.
3: Once you have established a new belief pattern, repeat and reinforce that belief until you have no more waves in the face of it, congratulations, you have taken another step in rebuilding yourself.
If you are willing to take every little thing in marriage and family as cultivating yourself and growing yourself, then you will find yourself a new self in time by exercising in this way.
The real meaning of marriage management is not to please men and women, to revolve around men and women, but to see themselves through them, and to be willing to change themselves by seeing themselves.
I have read a sentence: A person who can't swim can't swim no matter how many pools he changes.
On the contrary, if you learn to swim, you can swim well in any pool!
About the Author: Peng Jin uses psychology to heal his relationship with his husband every day, while healing and supporting the growth of students, while bringing 2 babies, family and career are not wrong. If you encounter problems or personal healing in marital emotion, leave a message in the comment area, and you can answer them one-on-one.