Before we get married, we think that no matter what the other person is, as long as they are good to you;After getting married, I found out that the person you married was a good person in himself.
Otherwise, the good of the moment cannot support the good of the whole life. Some emotions will always fade as the passion fades.
The way husband and wife get along depends on the emotional intelligence and wisdom of the two people, and also depends on what kind of mentality the two people have.
There is such a small fragment of the life of a couple:
The wife went to take a shower and took off her clothes only to find that the gas was not on. Her husband was also at home at the time, but she didn't choose to ask him to help drive it, but put on her clothes again and went to the kitchen to turn on the gas by herself.
When the husband found out, he was surprised and asked his wife, "Do we have any deep hatred?"The wife replied coldly: "I'm not bothering you, isn't it?"”
If we just look at this clip, we will feel that the woman is hypocritical. But behind every unreasonable behavior, there will be a deep meaning. Who wouldn't want to be with themselves?Why would a wife prefer to trouble herself rather than ask her husband to do something that he can easily do?
However, when we connect these situations and think about them deeply, we will get the answer. It is nothing more than that after repeated disappointments in marriage, women no longer have any illusions about their husbands, and it is easier to do it by themselves.
There is a soul torture question on Zhihu: "In marriage, when a man finds out that the woman is unwilling to rely on him at all, does not want to trouble him, and treats him as an outsider, will he wake up?"”
Here are a few answers that touch people's hearts:
a: No, he'll feel like his wife is suddenly sensible.
b: No, he will complain that his wife at home doesn't care about him.
c: No, he will first feel relaxed and happy, then surprised, and finally with loss and annoyance, he will ask: I have paid so much for this family, why don't you pay attention to me?
d: No, he'll think you're hypocritical, you're doing it, and you're looking for something.
e: No, he'll take it for granted, you shouldn't have bothered me in the first place.
Everyone wants their life to be a cool article and become a big heroine, but life always keeps revealing the truth and giving us a blow.
When I first got involved in emotion, I didn't have that deep understanding of marriage. I always feel that if I have been wronged in the relationship, I have to talk to the other party, if the other party is unwilling to make changes, or still hurt you, then resolutely break up and divorce. Who in this world can't live without whom?
However, as I learned more about marriage cases, I found that life, family, and marriage are not so simple, and there is no black and white. As long as it is not a matter of principle, it is more mellow.
The details of Zhu Dan and Zhou Yiwei's marriage have set off a heated debate, and the number of people discussing exceeded 100 million.
In a variety show, Zhu Dan said that when two people quarrel, he usually remains silent, and Zhou Yiwei will not coax himself, but will cold himself for two or three hours.
After two or three hours, he would come and sit next to Zhu Dan and say to her, "I'm giving you the steps now, and if you don't come down, there will be no more steps later." ”
Many people say that such a marriage state, so low, what is Zhu Dan still insisting on?
Indeed, compared with the marriages shown to the public by other celebrities, the relationship between Zhu Dan and Zhou Yiwei is not touching or desirable at all.
However, the strange thing is that Zhou Yiwei and Zhu Dan's marriage continues. And Ai Fukuhara and Jiang Hongjie, who kiss 100 times a day, are full of red hearts and like they are acting in idol dramas, as well as Da S and Wang Xiaofei in marriage textbooks, are not only divorced, but also torn ugly.
Whether or not you want to continue a marriage depends on what you think and what you want to gain in this marriage.
Marriage is just a state of life that we have chosen, and most people are living an ordinary and ordinary life. An irresponsible man has, and he always has some advantages, otherwise why would you marry him, and you are still unwilling to divorce?People always have to figure something out of their choices.
A friend who has been married for ten years is a model of marital happiness around us. She seems to be happy every day, and she has never heard her complain about her husband, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, trivial housework, etc.
Later, I learned that she did not live a transcendent life, nor how good his husband was, nor how perfect his marriage was. My friend also has the same life troubles as us, but she has such a mentality: to live a married life with a single mentality
She said that in the first marriage, she would also rely on the other party to ask for the other party, feeling that since she married him, it was necessary for the man to bear all these things.
However, after a period of running-in, she found that she couldn't change the other party, and because of these "rivalries", both of them lived a very stressful and extremely unhappy life.
So she changed her mentality, not counting on anyone, and not relying on anyone. Do what you have to do, and never treat yourself badly. Gradually, the problems in the marriage seem to be solved, and the husband, after breathing a sigh of relief, is willing to take the initiative to take some responsibility.
Many times, it's not that there's something wrong with the marriage, it's not that there's something wrong with him, and it's not that there's something wrong with you. It's just that something is wrong with our understanding of marriage.
Of course, who does not understand life while living, and all the problems of life can be attributed to the problem of comprehension. All our anger is anger at our own incompetence;The ultimate reason why we are dissatisfied with others is because we are dissatisfied with ourselves.
On the contrary, do not rely on or count on it, manage yourself well, live a married life with a single mentality, and be happy if you marry anyone.
As Salinger wrote in The Catcher in the Rye:"Remember what should be remembered, and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed, accept what can't be changed. ”
It can also be applied to marriage.
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The world is so big, thank you for seeing me!
Text|Wei Wei'an: The pen has a temperature, a voice for love, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together].