The "new type of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship" is being implemented, the mother-in-law is not embarrassed, the daughter-in-law is not aggrieved, and the husband is not partial
Conflicts within Chinese families, especially the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, have always been a long-standing problem.
In this relationship, there are two women who are connected by their husbands:
One was a mother who gave nurturing grace in the first half of her life;
One is a wife who spends the gray hair time with her husband hand in hand in the second half of her life.
was supposed to be a happy family, but often because of different positions, there were often tensions.
All kinds of film and television works often exaggerate such details of life:
Some show the mother-in-law's possessiveness of her son and her troubles to her daughter-in-law;
Some depict the story of the daughter-in-law who endured humiliation and finally counterattacked and won the "husband's power";
There are also some husband-centered roles that play different roles such as "and thin mud", "wife protection", and "mom bao".
This theme is not uncommon.
In recent years, with the improvement of women's status in the family and the increase of ideological awakening, more and more people are no longer satisfied with falling into such complex relationships, and even explore new solutions
The mother-in-law is no longer deliberately embarrassed, the daughter-in-law is no longer wronged by herself, and the husband is no longer indulged in the role of mother.
This is known as the "new type of mother-in-law relationship".
It is hoped that through the rewriting of this article, the same point can be better expressed, while maintaining the core meaning of the original text.
Dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a hotly debated issue, and some people have put forward this point:
In life, the status of a mother-in-law is usually relatively low, and the only opportunity to exert power is to get along with her daughter-in-law. Experiencing the taste of power for the first time, many mothers-in-law may not know how to deal with this new identity. ”
The fundamental problem of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is:
It's not just some trivial life issue, it's a long-standing power structure.
When the daughter-in-law who has been wronged for many years finally becomes a mother-in-law, in the face of the new generation of daughters-in-law, they may feel that they have the supreme position. As a result, they often pass on the sufferings of the past to the new generation, as if this is the only way to complete their mission.
If the husband does not actively help his wife resolve the conflict at this time, life after marriage may become unbearable.
Recently, I saw a rather controversial ** on the Internet.
In a **, a mother-in-law actually pressed her daughter-in-law under her, kept blaming and saying disgust to the woman's family.
The daughter-in-law who was crushed under her had given up the struggle, and her heart was like ashes.
It is reported that the daughter-in-law and her mother's family have been humiliated and bullied by her mother-in-law's family for a long time.
After giving birth, the daughter-in-law's mother-in-law came to take care of the daughter, but was beaten by the son-in-law.
Before the children grew up a little, the woman's husband was anxious to go abroad to study for a doctorate, leaving the twins to his wife to take care of alone.
The mother-in-law instantly became the most powerful person in the family.
Therefore, in **, the scene of the mother-in-law pressing her daughter-in-law to the ground and blaming her without scruples happened.
It's infuriating to watch.
We all understand that "treating a daughter-in-law as a daughter" and "treating a mother-in-law as a mother" are often unattainable wishes.
As a mother-in-law, even if you can't show great enthusiasm for your daughter-in-law, you should at least respect each other.
Using a daughter-in-law as a pedal and wantonly bullying will not only disrupt the family atmosphere, but also arouse people's contempt.
More seriously, this may constitute personal harm and require legal sanctions.
Luckily, not everyone is like the mother-in-law in **.
I once talked to a colleague about her mother-in-law.
She said that she was lucky to have met a good mother-in-law.
Every time we meet, my mother-in-law praises her for her good looks, she can dress up, and she looks beautiful.
When she and her husband bought a house, money was tight, and when her mother-in-law learned about it, she did not hesitate to take out most of her savings to support the start of their new life.
When giving birth, the mother-in-law stayed up all night and waited anxiously outside the delivery room. During the confinement period, the meals are not the same every day, and I try my best to make delicious food for her.
When she had an argument with her husband, her mother-in-law not only stood on her side, but also told her: "Men, you just can't get used to it." ”
The most important thing is that the mother-in-law has never suppressed her daughter-in-law in her own capacity.
On the contrary, no matter what her plans are, her mother-in-law is the one who firmly supports her.
She said: "My mother-in-law is better than my own mother. ”
She felt very fortunate that she had a good mother-in-law who was reasonable.
There is a sentence on the Internet that she deeply agrees with:
The stupid mother-in-law will publicize her status at home, and all kinds of pickiness and dissatisfaction with her daughter-in-law will make the family chickens and dogs jump, and the son will be in a dilemma, and he will be angry every day.
A wise mother-in-law will be good to her daughter-in-law and never embarrass her daughter-in-law, because she understands that only when her daughter-in-law is good, her son and grandson will be good, and such a family will be happy;
With a good mother-in-law, marriage is at least half the battle.
A good husband is the same, and a good mother-in-law is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
There was a post that caught my attention.
I saw a post-90s woman sharing a family "war" caused by "a cup of soy milk" on the Internet.
Some time ago, the woman's mother-in-law was obsessed with making tofu and tofu brains every morning.
Since the poster doesn't like tofu brain, he said he wanted to drink soy milk.
So, when she got up the next morning, she saw that her mother-in-law had prepared two bowls of soy milk, one large and one small.
At this time, her grandmother also woke up, feeling a little hungry, the tofu brain was not ready, and she didn't want to eat steamed dumplings, so she drank the small bowl of soy milk.
Grandma immediately said to her daughter-in-law, "I'm sorry, I drank your soy milk." ”
It's just a bowl of soy milk, and the owner didn't care too much, so he responded: "It's okay, drink it first when you're hungry, isn't there another bowl?."”
Unexpectedly, after hearing this, my grandmother and mother-in-law said in unison: "That bowl belongs to xx (the husband of the poster)." ”
There are two main reasons why the poster is angry:
First of all, it's just a bowl of soy milk, why does the bowl that grandma drink must be hers;
Secondly, when the family's economic level is not bad, the mother-in-law always favors her husband.
For example, there are chicken thighs in the boiled chicken broth, and that bowl is always reserved for the son;
For another example, the mother-in-law fried the vegetables, and the vegetable leaves were always clipped for the son, and the daughter-in-law was left to eat the vegetable stalks.
Although it is normal to understand the partiality of the mother-in-law towards her son, this is after all in the small family of the husband and wife.
You know, originally the owner and mother-in-law lived far away, and they only saw each other once a year, and they only stayed for two weeks each time.
However, due to work reasons, after the distance between the two families was shortened, my mother-in-law kept trying to stay at their house for a long time, and she also picked up her husband's grandmother.
In the face of her mother-in-law's favoritism, the post owner has been tolerating. But when the mother-in-law treated her grandson and granddaughter with obvious injustice, the poster finally couldn't bear it.
She immediately fought back and called her husband **, explaining the cause and effect of the incident in detail.
In the end, she even bought tickets for the two elderly people and sent them back to their hometown.
The message area was full of praise for "great happiness".
In social life, we are often able to meet mothers-in-law similar to those described in posts:
They are patriarchal and have a clear distinction between their daughters-in-law and their sons.
Fortunately, the daughter-in-law is not a weak and bully person in the traditional sense, but dares to fight back and set her own bottom line.
The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is essentially an interpersonal relationship
If you appear vulnerable, the other person may be more unscrupulous;
However, if you show strength, the opponent may be relenting.
In fact, there is no blood relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and there is not necessarily a deep emotional bond at first.
If it weren't for the men they shared, they might just be two strangers who had nothing to do with each other.
It is a blessing for them for the mother-in-law to treat her daughter-in-law as her own daughter;
However, it is actually more common for mothers-in-law to maintain a certain sense of distance from their daughters-in-law.
Vice versa. So keep in mind:
Set your own bottom line to better protect yourself;Lower your expectations to avoid unnecessary disappointment.
In fact, the above problems are just the tip of the iceberg.
The deeper contradiction is:
The husband (son) is in the middle of it, and he is unwilling or unable to solve the problem.
In the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband's attitude and ability to deal with it will directly affect the direction of the marriage.
Netizen @敏敏 shared her marriage experience.
Shortly after Min Min and her husband got married, her mother-in-law forcibly moved to their house on the grounds that the home was deserted and she wanted to take care of her son.
In desperation, Min Min could only compromise.
This decision turned out to be the beginning of a nightmare.
On weekend mornings, Min Min wanted to sleep a little longer, but was woken up by the sound of her mother-in-law closing the door and pulling a chair, and she couldn't continue to sleep at all.
Min Min had no choice but to continue sleeping under the quilt.
Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law actually went directly into Minmin's bedroom, and while "tidying up", she blamed:
How can a daughter-in-law stay out of bed every day, don't prepare breakfast, and don't even take care of housework. ”
Min Min was so helpless that he pulled open the quilt and said
Mom, today is the weekend, and I've been working for a whole week, and I want to sleep in, is there any problem?There was bread and milk in the fridge to eat yourself if you were hungry. ”
The mother-in-law said dissatisfiedly, "Is this your attitude as a daughter-in-law?"”
Another time, Minmin cooked a meal and called everyone to eat together.
As soon as the mother-in-law sat down, she pushed the bowl forward and said, "I don't want to eat it", and then began to accuse Minmin of being rude, not knowing how to respect her elders, and not even knowing how to serve her rice.
is obviously a mother-in-law, but her words and deeds make people mistakenly think that she is the "big boss" in the family.
In the face of her mother-in-law's difficulties, Min Min turned to her husband and found that he was still habitually avoiding, and even looked at her to signal her to be patient, not daring to say anything at all.
Every time.
Min Min is dissatisfied:
I was also nurtured and raised in this family, why should I endure this grievance?Isn't my dedication to her in vain?”
Unable to stand such treatment, Min Min decided to move back to her parents' home.
During this period, her husband persuaded her many times, and the two also had many in-depth conversations.
In the end, in order to maintain the stability of the small family, the husband decided to send his mother back to his own home.
In this way, the home finally returned to its former tranquility.
Some men who are not yet psychologically mature often subconsciously whisper in front of their elders, and even pull their wives to be bound by the so-called "filial piety".
They either show "foolishness" without a bottom line;
Either they are helpless and let the two women fight, leading to strife within the family.
At worst, family instability can lead to the breakdown of marriage.
And mature men know how to moderately cut off from their original families after marriage.
In marriage, respect each other and do not interfere in each other's family relationships.
When problems arise, we will intervene in time to prevent the situation from deteriorating further.
Putting the interests of the small family before the original family is the beginning of achieving happiness in married life.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is by no means a huge burden borne by the daughter-in-law alone.
It is the result of the tripartite action of the mother-in-law, the son and the daughter-in-law.
If the mother-in-law is conservative and accustomed to making things difficult, the son cannot be indulged, otherwise the wife will be wronged for a long time, and the consequences will be worrying;
If the son has a negative attitude and always treats his wife as an outsider, the wife must fight for herself, clarify the bottom line, and fight back bravely.
Putting aside the identities of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in fact, all interpersonal relationships are mutual.
You are good to me, and I am good to you.
If it's really difficult to get along, then you don't have to be reluctantly intimate, just do your own thing, and let the rest go with your fate.
Thinking about it this way, it is not complicated to solve the "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradiction", you only need to do the following:
Or, maintain a sense of boundaries;
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should get along if they can get along, and if they can't get along well, they should establish a clear sense of boundaries.
Not saying what should not be said, not doing what should not be done, and being clear about the bottom line of both parties is an effective way to avoid disputes.
Or, stay resistant;
The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is sometimes a trade-off relationship.
Too weak and easy to be targeted;Be firm, and she will be jealous of you.
You can respect your elders, but you don't have to be completely subservient, and you can resist moderately at critical moments in order to keep the bottom line.