When Zhou Zhigang went home for the New Year, he gave two tubes of tea brought back from Guizhou to Dongmei's parents.
This gift is the most valuable gift that Zhou Zhigang gave to his in-laws. But he never expected that these two tubes of tea would provoke such a huge response.
The small friction between the two cylinders of tea not only reveals the sadness caused by the difference in the marriage level between Zhou Bingyi and Dongmei, but also reveals the secret of happiness in Dongmei and Bingyi's marriage.
The happiness between Dongmei and Bingyi has little to do with Dongmei's parents. He is the most filial child in our family. However, there is a close and inseparable connection between him and Zhou Bingyi. Because he is the most honest and dutiful child in our family. This also makes us realize that in our daily lives, we often underestimate this kind-faced big brother.
The happy life of the two of them also shows us that achieving this goal in married life is far more important than being a good match.
1 Two bottles of tea reveal a deep conflict.
This year was a rare moment of reunion for the Zhou family in the past few years. There is a cheerful atmosphere in the home.
Zhou Zhigang showed two bottles of high-quality tea he had brought back from Guizhou and asked Dongmei to bring them for her parents.
Zhou Zhigang took such an action, not to please his Dongmei father, because Dongmei's father is the governor, and he has never seen anything good?This tea really doesn't quite attract people's attention.
However, these two tubes of tea are the most precious gifts that Zhou Zhigang can offer. He traveled thousands of miles to bring it back from Guizhou, and he didn't even want to leave a tube, so he let his daughter-in-law take it all back to her mother's house.
The act of giving away tea has a double meaning. The first is a deep gratitude to my in-laws.
In Zhou Zhigang's mind, Dongmei's father was the provincial governor, and he was a worker. Despite this, they did not have any dissatisfaction with Dongmei's father, but were willing to marry their beloved daughter to his family, which was not only an honor for the Zhou family, but also a reflection of the wise decision of Dongmei's parents.
Moreover, Dongmei's father has given opinions on the improvement of photonic films in the past, and for the audience of photonic films, he is an excellent ** who serves the people wholeheartedly. Zhou Zhigang shares the same sentiments as others and deeply respects Governor Hao, who has done practical things for the people.
Therefore, when Dongmei's parents were reformed, he repeatedly warned his son to treat Dongmei well, and Zhou Zhigang showed the unique kindness of our Chinese.
Of course, deep in his heart, there is a third reason, that is, among the three children of the Zhou family, only Dongmei's parents are in-laws. Zheng Juan's mother unfortunately died, and her son-in-law Feng Huacheng also lost both parents.
In the previous generation, people often liked to get together with their in-laws and discuss various matters about their children. This relative is my grandfather, my father and my mother, they are all my uncles, they are all my grandparents. Therefore, he very much wanted to have an in-depth conversation with this in-laws.
Although Zhou Zhigang had such thoughts in his heart, he did not take action. He is well aware of his abilities, because Dongmei's father is the governor of the province, and he is busy with all kinds of affairs of the people of the province every day, and they are all very busy.
He gave him tea, which was not only the most precious gift he could prepare for his in-laws, but also reflected his deep respect for his in-laws.
When Bingyi mentioned that Dongmei's parents were about to visit his home, the first generation of architects in New China greeted their in-laws with the highest standards he could imagine.
We had agreed to take family photos, but he decided to have his children clean the house, the road and the bathrooms outside. Because he knew that the family portrait would not bear fruit until two years later. This family photo was finally ushered in by the whole family after years of anticipation.
In the depths of Zhou Zhigang's heart, it is very important to have a family photo**, but compared to meeting Dongmei's parents, this matter is relatively secondary.
He quickly assigned tasks to several children and carefully planned all his ideas. He was going to be a father at home. He was determined to welcome his in-laws' visit with the utmost sincerity.
Worried about the smoky smell in the house during the noon cooking. Zhou Zhigang also stipulated that no fire could be lit at noon, and the whole family bought steamed buns to cope with a meal.
Everyone in the family carefully sorted out their belongings and looked forward to the arrival of their in-laws.
However, Dongmei's father suddenly fell ill, and Dongmei's mother did not forget to inform the secretary to deliver the gift to the Zhou family when she was about to go to the hospital.
Since Dongmei's father was too sick to come, everyone in the Zhou family was able to understand his situation, and the secretary knew nothing about it and brought back the tea that had been given to them. They knew that this was their own tea, and it should be their own home, and they could not give it away. They are equally capable of understanding.
Although the understanding is real, the inner discomfort is equally real.
Although Zhou Zhigang felt unwell inside, he still showed the best cultivation and thoughtfully advised his daughter-in-law to go home to visit her parents as soon as possible.
He never expected that the ** of these two tubes of tea would cause Dongmei to have a fierce dispute with her mother.
2. Dongmei's mother's principles have created a gap between mother and daughter.
Dongmei and Zhou Bingyi got married without the permission of their parents. At that time, her parents were reforming, and Bingyi gave up the opportunity for promotion for her, how could she not repay others with kindness?
Therefore, despite not obtaining the permission of her parents, Dongmei still chose to marry Bingyi.
Dongmei's parents accepted Zhou Bingyi. In the most difficult moment of their family, Bingyi did not dislike Dongmei, but gave up a bright future for her, which made them deeply grateful.
They have a basic respect for their daughter and do not interfere or resent too much. In their opinion, the daughter is a thoughtful, independent person who does not influence her because of her lifestyle. If nothing happens, they will continue to be like this.
However, what Cai Xiaoguang did left a deep scar in their hearts.
Who is Cai Xiaoguang?He is a good friend of his son-in-law Zhou Bingyi's sister, and after several twists and turns, it was Zhou Bingyi who came to them, so no matter what happens to the Zhou family in the future, they will not interfere
They are loyal party members throughout their lives and will never abuse their power to seek illicit relationships for their families.
What if my daughter can come back in the future like this one and ask them for help?Then we'll have to change our daughter's hukou. This can get them into trouble.
It is theirs that they act by their principles, and they also do not like those who take advantage of their rights to act.
Zhou Bingyi is their son-in-law, he is a relative who cannot be separated, they can only choose to snub him, infiltrate him in this special way, make him know the difficulties and retreat.
Although Dongmei's mother had taken care of Cai Xiaoguang's affairs, she still firmly told her daughter not to do it again, because she least wanted anyone to covet her power.
Cai Xiaoguang never thought about how Zhou Bingyi and the Zhou family would be affected because of a request he made.
After Cai Xiaoguang successfully entered the university, due to the anxiety in his heart, he began to think about finding Dongmei's father. But when he looked for his father, he found that he was very dissatisfied with him because he had no special skills. In fact, he excelled in all aspects, and as long as he could find the right person, he would eventually have a chance to enter university to Xi.
However, in an emergency, he thought of Dongmei's father and asked Zhou Rong for help. Because he had provided Zhou Rong with a lot of help before, Zhou Rong found her eldest brother. In the end, the matter was completed, but with Dongmei's mother, Zhou Bingyi lost the trust he deserved.
Because Dongmei's mother was suspicious of her son-in-law, when Zhou Bingyi and Dongmei returned with tea and sucvenirs, and told him that the sustenances were given by her comrades-in-arms, she instinctively asked what the comrades-in-arms were doing
Dongmei's mother knew this very well, and she was worried that this might be another time for Bingyi's comrades-in-arms to find someone to help.
When she asked such a question, Zhou Bingyi didn't dare to take out the tea leaves, but in the end he mustered up the courage to take it out, and although Dongmei's mother accepted the gift, she did another inappropriate thing.
She instructs Dongmei and Bingyi to bring the gift to a small room, making it clear that she doesn't really care about Bingyi's father's feelings.
That small room was already full of all kinds of gifts we received.
The gifts in that room could be a flattery to her or a sign of gratitude. It was a gift from the Bingyi family, and he gave a lot. The emotions expressed in those gifts are definitely different from Bingyi's father's intention to give tea.
Dongmei's mother did this, which also laid a hidden danger for possible problems in the future.
Dongmei's mother is indeed quite alert, she is not interested in those who use their power to act, and even she does not like this person to be her son-in-law. Because she felt that she was working against others, all she had to do was to get rid of these people so that they would no longer be any threat or harm to them. However, she didn't realize at all that the people of the Zhou family didn't actually cause her any trouble.
That time, Cai Xiaoguang was an exception.
3. The sudden outbreak of Dongmei further aggravated the situation.
Dongmei loves Bingyi deeply, and Bingyi sacrifices his future for her. also carried a barren black pot on his back.
Dongmei's attitude towards Bingyi is not only full of deep emotions that share hardships with him, but also deep gratitude. The husband was so loving and considerate to her, but he did not fulfill all her wishes. She always wants to repay her husband's kindness to her.
However, in daily life, no one in the Zhou family came to disturb her to do anything. She tried to play for the Zhou family, but she never found a suitable opportunity.
When she learned that Cai Xiaoguang wanted to seek her father's help, she felt that it was a good opportunity to return the favor and decided to go find her mother herself. Handled matters related to Cai Xiaoguang. Her mother felt that her daughter was capable, so she agreed to help her. However, since then, her mother's attitude towards Bingyi has gradually become indifferent.
She was very angry and accused her mother of being biased, if she had married not Zhou Bingyi, but the son of a senior leader, would they have maintained such an attitude?
Dongmei's mother made it clear that if her daughter married the son of a senior leader, they would definitely go to recognize her.
When a daughter marries the son of a senior leader, their relationship is equal, they do not take the initiative to seek help from others, nor do they take the initiative to seek their own help, their relationship is complete and equal.
However, in Zhou Bingyi's family, Cai Xiaoguang is a significant representative. She is a woman who is not good at handling relationships. If Zhou Bingyi's seven aunts and eight aunts come to ask for help in the future, how should we respond?Therefore, her indifferent attitude towards Zhou Bingyi is aimed at making him understand the difficulties and choose to retreat.
Although the conversation between mother and daughter did not reach a consensus, the hearts of the two were connected. After discussing with her husband, Dongmei's mother decided that her daughter should not be in a dilemma, and they should visit their in-laws.
That day, Dongmei's father suddenly fell ill, and Dongmei's mother hurriedly instructed the secretary to send gifts to Zhou's family, hoping that the secretary could visit Bingyi's parents on their behalf.
It turns out that Dongmei's mother has done a pretty good job, after all, as a person who knows that her husband is hospitalized, it is really commendable to remember to send someone to her daughter's house to send greetings.
Dongmei's mother had previously advised them to store their tea leaves in the hut, which also posed a potential risk to her.
The secretary didn't know anything about the tea sent by Bingyi's father, and he took some gifts from the room at random. When he returned, he gave the gift to the secretary. Unexpectedly, the tea sent by Bingyi's father was delivered here again.
After the secretary left, the eyes of the whole family were focused on the pile of gifts, and they all fell silent.
There are many kinds of gifts, including two tubes of tea from Guizhou and a box of special products from the south given by Bingyi's father. The two tubes of tea are two bags of tea, the two bags of tea are one package, and the two bags of tea are two catties of green tea and one catty of black tea. The two bottles of tea were originally given to Dongmei's father by Bingyi's father, and the southern specialty was Bingyi's deep affection for Dongmei's parents, and now these two items have been sent home as gifts.
Even in everyday family relationships, it is considered rude to retrieve a gift.
Not to mention that there is such a big difference in social status between Dongmei's father and Bingyi's father, so these two cans of tea back and forth are like blatant humiliation in the eyes of the people of the Zhou family.
This is a clear indication that people are not interested in the gifts they give. Even if you don't like it, anyone will find it difficult to accept it if you send it back as a gift in exchange.
Although everyone in the family did not express their opinions, Dongmei could still feel everyone's dissatisfaction. She found out after her mother came home from work, and she didn't have a baby in her belly at the time, and she wanted to give birth to the baby. When she returned home, a violent verbal altercation broke out between her and her mother.
She expressed this opinion:
This is the first time that the family has been reunited since 1969, and it also marks the last day of the official opening of the photo studio.
Just because you're about to go, the whole family's ** didn't finish filming.
Her mother also thought that this incident was not suitable, but since it had happened, she wanted to make amends, so she told her daughter to find someone to take a family photo of the Zhou family. "I told you, you can come to my house and shoot **. This shows the respectful attitude they have towards the Bingyi family.
Dongmei suppressed anger in her heart, and smiled coldly: You really respect them?
She said in a sad tone
At that time, you and my father lived in Jiangxi and Henan respectively, and there was no news between us at all. I don't know if they're still alive. If it weren't for their family's unreserved acceptance of me, I probably wouldn't have been able to move on.
Her mother asked her if she would like to have her photographedIf that's the case, she'll make the arrangements.
Dongmei said with tears in her eyes
Just as you arranged for Secretary Huang to go to Bingyi's home to deliver items today, you are all condescending beings, and you will do what you say. Is that the same with your arrangement?But have you ever thought about whether the advice you make is highlighting the differences between you and them?I think if you all did, I'd be very distressed. I love Bingyi deeply, and Bingyi loves their family, and your behavior bothers me very much.
The daughter's tears softened the mother's heart, and she suggested whether we should invite them to our houseI said you also know that your sister has been in our village for a few years. You are both very young, and there are some things I feel compelled to remind you that you should not go to your father for the sake of your fair sister's classmates
What she said made Dongmei completely out of control.
All excuses are just excuses, and I've thought deeply about what you said to me two days ago, what is the idea that you hate most about others encroaching on the power in your hands?That is, you have a good wife. Zhou Bingyi believes that as long as there is one, there may be two, and then three. You say, "You mean, who gave you the rights of this child?"
Their family members are ordinary people from the grassroots level, including the seven aunts and eight aunts around them, each with their own destiny, and once they decide to take action, they will continue endlessly. If the party hadn't asked you to take the lead, how could you not have returned your rights to the people?
However, the rights and interests you have are given by the party, will you provide them with such opportunities?Your power is given by the people, and you have the right to explain your problems to the party and the people, and you can also report the situation to the party and the people, but you should never tell the people about these things and let them intercede. You would never have said such things to them.
I've been to the countryside and had contact with people at the grassroots level in China, both good and bad, real. It was that experience in the countryside that gave me a lot of knowledge that I couldn't learn in books, such as the ability to distinguish between right and wrong. So, I think that's what a person should do in society. In my opinion, Zhou Bingyi's entire family is a person of high moral character, and he is also a really good person among good people. You're the best of the good, aren't you?But for you, the first thing is not to judge people for their good or bad, but to look at their social status. None of us in my family is poor. You are always on high alert to those who are below you. Because they have a lot of people who are your friends and teachers, and you care about them as well. Fear that others will take advantage of you and use your resources.
Dongmei affectionately expressed her long-suppressed inner feelings. "I want to tell you a secret. I want you to know, why is my mom like this?I want them to understand that neither our father nor her mother is a good thing. Her voice was heavy. She made it clear that her mother's class conception was wrong. She said she grew up in her mother's "home." She thinks the main reason why her mother is wary of the Bingyi family is that she is worried that they will be troubled unnecessarily.
Out of her love for justice, Dongmei also loves the members of the Zhou family deeply. My father said a lot at a tea party, but none of them resonated with everyone, because he said so much, but he only said one word - tea!She was always in the middle of her parents and in-laws, and she was very troubled. This tea turmoil is like a fuse, igniting all those emotions hidden deep in the shadows.
Dongmei argues with her mother for insisting on justice, but she is shocked by how her husband handles the matter.
Zhou Bingyi's thorough understanding succeeded in preventing the situation from deteriorating further.
Zhou Bingyi's status in Dongmei's family was not prominent, and although he was an outstanding student from childhood to adulthood, he still felt a huge sense of oppression when he came to Dongmei's home.
When Dongmei's mother asked what his comrades-in-arms were doing, he almost subconsciously clutched his backpack, which contained his father's two cans of tea.
After that, Dongmei's mother suggested that they bring the gifts to the hut, and when he saw that the room was full of gifts, he immediately understood the truth of the matter. He knew that his father was gone. However, he did not make any statements.
Later, Dongmei wants to explain to her father about tea, but he interrupts her and prevents her from continuing.
Dongmei didn't understand why Bingyi wanted to get in the way of her clarifying the misunderstanding. She believes that the gift was not sent back by the wishes of her parents, but because the secretary had taken it incorrectly without her knowledge. If there is a misunderstanding between family members, then a clear explanation must be given.
Zhou Bingyi made a statement:
Actually, there is no misunderstanding, your father was sick and your mother went to the hospital and sent a secretary to visit my house on their behalf with belongings. Me and your mom are in there. The secretary didn't realize that there were items we sent in the storage room, and unfortunately he brought them with him. I know they sent it for my dad's illness, but why didn't they give it all to him?We all understood, and my dad and his team understood, where exactly did the misunderstanding happen?
Zhou Bingyi is indeed a philosopher, and he and Dongmei deeply ** the differences between the two families, hoping that his wife can accept this fact.
I had the mistake of thinking that I felt inferior, but then experience taught me that the problem was not my inferiority, but their arrogance, which was not their fault, but due to the differences in status and existence between the two parties.
Not to mention other factors, just from the matter of giving gifts during the Chinese New Year, your father's position determines that there are so many people who give things to your family, so much that you don't have time to look closely, so you can only store a bunch of things in the storage room. As the governor of the province, there are a lot of things in itself, plus the important moment of the Chinese New Year, the secretary is seriously ill, and your father also needs to be the secretary of the provincial party committee to undertake the party and government affairs of a large province. Your family bought the color TV and two buckets of instant noodles by yourself, and your mother said that your mother didn't understand this, and she wanted you to see a specialist. Therefore, all the affairs of your family should be handled by the secretary, how does he know about the ** of the two tubes of tea and those snacks in your house?How did your mom take care of your dad while he was in the hospital?In the event that your father suddenly needs to be hospitalized and his condition is not yet clear, can you ask your mother to explain these conditions in detail to the secretary?If you don't, your dad will be in trouble!If it were me, it wouldn't have been possible.
The reason why Zhou Bingyi married Dongmei was out of deep love, but the difference in the family background of the two families also brought him a lot of trouble. He once felt inferior, and when Cai Xiaoguang's matter was dealt with, he deeply regretted that he thought that this matter was not handled properly.
The trigger of the tea incident also completely exposed the sadness of the social class inequality that Zhou Bingyi faced in his married life. He is a big money outside, but a small boss at home. Despite this, Zhou Bingyi still believes that this kind of marriage with a clear mismatch between door and door and door is happy, and the key is that he has an extraordinary talent.
In marriage, the power of empathy represents the core of happiness.
Zhou Bingyi's special ability allows him to maintain an optimal state in social situations and married life.
Such a talent is called the power of empathy.
Dongmei initially thought that Bingyi might have an argument with her after the tea incident, but Bingyi only conducted an in-depth analysis with her and told her to properly deal with their original family problems in the future.
Dongmei believes that Bingyi's thinking is all-encompassing. Bingyi said: I am just thinking about this issue for you from the perspective of your family.
In the book "Empathy", Arthur Joramikali, a former lecturer at Harvard University in the United States, explains that empathy is the ability that enables one person to perceive another person's particular experience and respond accordingly. Empathy also creates a harmonious relationship between people and others. Empathy can make one person feel empathy for another and act altruistically.
In simple terms, empathy means being able to put yourself in the other person's shoes after something has happened.
Bingyi is always able to think from the perspective of Dongmei's parents when he encounters conflicts, so he effortlessly solves those problems that seem very serious.
If we can think from the perspective of our partner when we encounter conflicts in our married life, will we complain less and understand each other more?So how do we deal with these contradictions?This can effectively resolve disputes and make our family life more harmonious and happy
Empathy means having a deep empathy for what the other person is experiencing. When a husband complains that his wife is not tidying up the house, should he think about it from his wife's point of view, because she is very tired when she is busy with housework and taking care of the children every day.
When a wife wants to complain to her husband, should she think from her husband's point of view, it is too difficult for him to work hard outside every day to support the whole family.
In the case of conflict in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I also learned to empathize with the other person's point of view, if my daughter-in-law is my biological daughter, how will I deal with it?What would I do if my daughter-in-law were my own son?What would I do if my mother-in-law was my birth mother?
When conflict erupts, you only need to take a three-second deep breath to temporarily calm your anger and then look for opportunities for empathy in your heart. If your emotions have been suppressed, then don't do it anymore and transfer your anger to another way. Trust me, you will quickly calm your anger and eventually find a new self. When your mood swings are large, you can appropriately empathize with yourself and let the other person feel your true inner thoughts and emotional experiences. If you continue to do this, you will have a harmonious and happy home.
In married life, it is important to have a considerable family background, but it is even more important to have a grateful wife and a husband who is both empathetic and transparent.
This is true even if there are significant inequalities in marriage, or if two families are in a good relationship. Even if the relationship between the two parties has broken down, it cannot be easily given up, because marriage is a contract, and only by persevering to the end can you achieve maximum success. As long as there is a deep empathy between us, we are quick to think from the other person's point of view when faced with conflict. Whether a marriage is happy or not, it is a difficult thing!