It's easy to fall into a misconception: I think. I thought he loved me deeply. I thought that what he promised me would come true. I thought that after a glass of wine with someone, we became true friends. However, as I experienced more, I came to understand that "I thought" and "he thought" were actually two different things. Imposing your expectations on others, although the starting point may be well-intentioned, does not mean that the other person will accept it 100%, even if you have good intentions. Therefore, never overestimate your relationship with anyone.
01 Excessive trust can hurt yourself. Zhuangzi told a poignant story called "The Tail Holds the Pillar". Once upon a time, there was a man named Oyu who treated people very well. One day, one of his relatives borrowed vinegar, and Oyo readily agreed. However, the family was too poor to borrow vinegar. So, he slipped out the back door, went to a neighbor's house to borrow a bowl of vinegar, and gave it to a relative as if nothing had happened. Some criticized his actions as deception, and relatives should be told about the actual situation. Oyo disagreed. Later, Oyu fell in love with a girl, but the girl's family did not agree, probably thinking that Oyu's family was too poor. The two agreed to meet under the bridge to consider the possibility of elopement. However, there were unforeseen storms and clouds, heavy rain suddenly fell under the bridge, and the river swelled. The girl was stopped by her family and was unable to attend the appointment. Oyu clings to the bridge pillars and is eventually swept away by the river. Although everyone praises Oyo's credibility, we should actually sigh deeply. This story reveals that excessive trust can lead to self-harm. The same goes for things that borrow things or borrow money in real life. You may believe that the other party will keep their word and repay the money on time, but you may end up being unable to repay the debt, resulting in a loss for yourself. This situation is similar to the "triangular debt" in reality.
02 No matter how good the relationship is, it will gradually drift apart. There is a classic line in the movie "The Old Man of Mountains and Rivers": "Everyone can only accompany you for a while, and sooner or later they will be separated." "No matter how good the initial love, friendship or family relationship is, the relationship will change over time. Li Zongsheng and Lin Yilian's marriage was once picturesque, but it eventually collapsed six years later for various reasons. The relationship between people is like a road traveled, with a beginning and an end. Zhuangzi and Huizi were originally friends, traveling and debating together. However, when Keiko became the prime minister of the Liang state, the relationship began to change. Zhuangzi came to Liang to visit an old friend, but Huizi sent someone to search for it because of rumors and prevented Zhuangzi from entering the country. Keiko's alienation from Zhuangzi shows that relationships between people are inevitably influenced by interests and status.
03 Let yourself be yourself and let others be others, so that "relationships" will not bother you. Don't overestimate your relationship with anyone, but in society, you can't give up all relationships. Therefore, it is very necessary to find a balance to get along with. Whether it's a couple, a relative, or a friend, maintaining a nonchalant attitude is real and long-lasting. The author, Lood, shared an experience about emotional entanglement. She likes to sort relationships and wants to be number one in the eyes of her friends. However, she found that her friend had also given gifts to other classmates, and her mood became unhappy. This made her understand that "best friends" are dynamic, not eternal. It is a relief to establish a light relationship between people, neither demanding to be the first in the eyes of others, nor denying one's own independent personality.
04 The ancients said: "Love is deep and longevity, and wisdom will hurt." "Trying too hard to care for others can turn into emotional kidnappingAnd when the other party doesn't appreciate it, it is also a trampling on self-esteem and emotion. Moderate relaxation, neither detrimental to the enthusiasm of others, nor flattering any indifference. Be generous, no matter what the relationship is, it's better to be "okay". Time will witness a relationship, and it will also leave the most authentic person.