1 When I was an hour, my dad was going on a business trip, and I said to my dad, "What if I do something wrong and the teacher wants to ask you to go?".”
My dad said, "You just tell the teacher that I don't have a son like you." ”
After my dad went on a business trip, I was called to the office by the teacher for missing homework.
The teacher angrily took the blank homework and said to me, "I'm going to call you Dad!".”
I remembered my father's advice, so I said loudly to the teacher, "I don't have your son!".”
2 My girlfriend came to my house for the first time, and I saw that there was a mosquito on my sleeping girlfriend's face sucking her blood, I slapped the mosquito to death in her face, and my girlfriend instantly sat up and wanted to reach out to hit me, and then I showed her the mosquito on her face, and she lay down. I didn't fall asleep all night after lying down, I was so excited, so long, I finally got a man once, and I actually slapped her in the face.
The third brother took the subway, and a strange aunt sat beside him. The mobile phone rang, and the aunt answered **, and said to ** very heartily: Ah, I don't have time tonight, the car is broken and I am taking the subway, and I have found a handsome guy, ready to open a house!The crowded carriage was instantly ...... quiet
I glanced at the aunt next to me, and when I turned my face, I saw that the whole car was staring at me.
4 said that the stupid girl in our dormitory held the ** that had been drying for n days and asked us one by one: "Is it yours?".Is it yours or not?Is it yours or not?After receiving a negative answer from all of us, he excitedly said, "Oh yes!"That's definitely mine!After saying that, he happily put it on.
5 When I was a child, I heard the old man say that women use chopsticks, and the farther they take it, the farther they marry.
There is a woman who has dreamed of marrying abroad since she was a child, so she has been using two pairs of chopsticks to catch up and eat.
And guess what?- Married to fried fritters.
6 I just recently cut my short hair, and I used to have long hair fluttering. I had a fight with my boyfriend last night and cried unhappily. Then my boyfriend said: Do you know, when you used to have long hair, every time you cried, I was very distressed, because the pear blossoms brought rain when you cried. Now your hair is cut so short that it looks like a soup dumpling is squeezing its soup out.
7Me: How many times have you been in love?Dude: Five times. Me: Didn't you say it three times last time?Dude: Big brother, you didn't ask that last time. Me: How do I ask?Dude: Last time you asked me how many girlfriends I had.
8. In order to get a driver's license as soon as possible, the leader helped me find a personal trainer. After practicing for a few days in a row. The coach said: Xiao Liu, it's very cold, you can rest for a day. I replied with fighting spirit: Coach, I am not cold or tired. The coach looked at me and then advised: Let's take a day off. I still replied enthusiastically: the coach is fine, I'm really not tired. Finally, the coach was silent for a few seconds. Say in a mournful tone: Why don't you let me rest for a day?
9 Cockroaches ask spiders to borrow money, spiders are very difficult: you also know that the network is not easy to work now, the web is full of foam, you might as well go to flies and mosquitoes, they have taken so many insecticide advertisements, and they have made a lot of money.
10 "Husband, I'm so fat, won't you love me?"How could it be?!When you were thin, you lived in my heart, and then you got fat, and you got stuck in my heart and couldn't get out." Overnight, the phone was swiped by this picture and this paragraph!What a beautiful love story, it's better to be fat, and if you are thin, you will be squeezed out. If you're fat, others can't squeeze in, don't control it, keep eating.
11 An Egyptian and a Roman argued over who used the earliest and most advanced technology.
The Romans said: "We archaeologists actually dug up wires during research, which shows that we in Rome used wires thousands of years ago!"”
The Egyptians said, "Nothing remarkable.
Our Egyptian archaeologists couldn't dig up wires no matter how much they dug during the expedition.
It shows that we in Egypt have been using radio for thousands of years!”
12 If you want to travel abroad for two thousand yuan, you can go: Qin, Lu, Qi, Shu, Korea, Zheng, Wei, Chu, Zhao, Yan, Wu, and so on.
13 Today I ordered a takeaway, and when I opened the door to get the takeaway, I happened to see a fight between the young couple at the door, and I leaned against the door with the takeaway to watch. Suddenly, the man shook off the woman, ran directly at me, snatched the takeaway from my hand, and whispered to me: Give you money tomorrow. Then he turned around and ran home and said to the woman: "Wife, the takeaway has arrived, let's eat first, and then fight after eating." I was dumbfounded.