Here's what a reader wrote:
When I was 12 years old, my parents divorced. Before my parents divorced, there were often quarrels between them, and my father often got into trouble, so when my parents divorced, I felt relieved. In fact, I was still chattered about by my mother. And because I don't have the ability to be financially independent, I can only remind myself in patience that when I grow up, I must not be contaminated with the living habits I hate in my parents. Unfortunately, after I got married and had children, I followed the path of my parents.
My habits in my life that are hard to erase include:
1) Emotions are particularly unstable, as long as my wife has a little words and deeds that make me dissatisfied, I will feel that my wife is selfish, in fact, I care too much about my feelings, so I ignore my wife's feelings.
2) Because of trivial things, I can think about my wife for a long time, and I sometimes feel that my mouth is broken.
3) When encountering things, I like to be pessimistic and evasive.
4) When my married life came to the 6th year, I felt unhappy in my married life, which led me to meet a netizen through an online social platform, which led to an extramarital affair. In the post-cheating period, or my wife felt more tired of living with me, she was more determined to file for divorce from me. After divorcing my wife, I originally thought that I could reorganize my family with netizens, but I found that I no longer had any yearning for married life.
5) After divorcing my wife, my wife and I rarely kept in touch with each other, and I didn't bother to visit our children, so I regularly transferred child support to my wife's bank card every month like a salary.
At the moment, I summarize my relationship state: the influence of the original family on me is too great, and the single state is more suitable for me.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
When people are growing up, parents may be more concerned about two things: 1) whether they can provide their children with relatively good material needs;2) Whether the child's academic performance can satisfy the parents. In fact, a person needs not only to be cultivated at the level of talent, but also at the level of morality. Originated from, talented and virtuous villains. Unfortunately, there are always some people who do not enjoy the so-called physical and mental health when they grow up, because their parents influence their children with more inappropriate living habits, resulting in some people becoming extremely unhealthy people when they become adults. At this time, they may let themselves go into the siege in order to cope with the world's opinions, only to find that because they are influenced by the original family, they have become the losers of the marriage.
For example, many people know too much about the truth of life, but in the actual operation process, they often do some words and deeds that make the people around them extremely uncomfortable, resulting in the people around them living together more tired. Although it is said that people need to inherit the responsibilities and obligations of reproduction for a lifetime, when they belong to an individual with obvious personality defects, perhaps being single for a lifetime is a more benevolent choice. I've always believed that unhappy marriages are contagious. Especially in many families, we often see a phenomenon: many people grow up witnessing their parents' unhappy marriages, and hint that they don't want to be like their parents, but end up following the same path as their parents.
Human beings often belong to vested interests, so that many times people only value the result of a certain thing, but are unwilling to rationally analyze the reasons that lead to the result. In fact, many people's distorted views on marriage and love are very closely related to the influence of parents on their children. In my spare time, I have had some superficial conversations with many niche groups that belong to the emotional realm in the secular framework, and I always hear too many complaints about their parents. For these people, they may not express their hatred in front of their parents, but they must admit that the influence of the original family has caused their view of marriage and love to take on a more pathological appearance. In addition, people's attitudes towards the world and consumption concepts will also be influenced by their parents.
It needs to be admitted that all kinds of romantic acts in life do need money to support, the key is that money is not the whole of life, for this reason, people work hard at the same time, but also need to use practical actions to influence their children. Scenes that are often seen: some people are pestle at the mahjong table, and children are doing homework on the side;Some people sit at the wine table, and their children do their homework. What I want to say is that it is a bit difficult for children to expect them to score 100 points in the exam without providing them with a more normal place to studyThere are also parents who are not at home after work;often eyebrows with the opposite sex outside of marriage. What I want to say is, when children see more similar scenes, do you think your children's view of marriage and love can tend to a healthier state?Remind all parents that perhaps your actions will invisibly stifle your children's physical and mental health.
It is true that people's habits and the formation of their character have a certain relationship with the influence of their parents, but this is only an external factorThe internal reason is that he does not show a high degree of self-control in life, and rarely self-reflects and self-fine-tunes when encountering problems, but is used to finding excuses for himself. What I want to say is that your parents did bring you into the world without your consent. For this reason, people sometimes joke that reincarnation is a technical job. However, if you are not able to choose who to be your parent, you need to accept the original growth environment, and in the future life, through reading, self-restraint, frequent reflection, conscious self-fine-tuning and other actions, you need to correct the influence of the original family as much as possible.
In life, we will meet all kinds of people and will find that with some people, they will consciously take care of your feelings;And with some people, you can feel a strong sense of self-interest. The point is that those who are selfish do not feel embarrassed at all when it comes to acting shrewdness and calculation. To do this, we need to experience our attitude of being a human being from various experiences, and try our best to live a state that is comfortable for those around us. Especially in interpersonal relationships, if it is difficult for you to maintain a relationship for a long time, or after getting acquainted with some people, the other party will consciously stay away from you, which means that you really have too many things to improve in terms of dealing with people. At this time, it is time to remind yourself of your rationality: admit that you have serious character flaws, and be cautious about going into a besieged city.
Editor's note: It is difficult for everyone to present a perfect state, so when you are more troubled, don't always impose the fault on others, but have a sense of empathy. In this life, while knowing how to make yourself happy, you also need to take care of the feelings of other people around you. For this reason, life is never about doing what you want, but about putting yourself and the people around you in a more comfortable state as much as possible under the condition of relative restraint.
Whether it is between yourself and your parents or children, or between yourself and your lover, or between yourself and your colleagues and friends, it is just an encounter. In all relationships, most people adhere to one principle: if you get along, you should associate more, otherwise you will have less. For this reason, in any relationship, do not let yourself be the party to the debt, let alone create trouble for others because of your unstable emotions and inappropriate words and deeds.
The concept of marriage and love **comes from the Internet, **has nothing to do with it)