Recently, I've been busy with my own things, and my child is also going through his own things alone, and we don't have much communication with each other.
I need to have my own independent time, and my children also need to have free space, although I don't have too much communication, I always pay attention to my children's emotions.
I can vaguely feel that the child is not as happy and happy as he was a while ago, I can't hear his singing after school, and there is no smile on his face.
So I looked for an opportunity and asked him:
"How are you feeling lately?”
He said:"I felt a little anxious. ”
I asked him curiously:
"Why are you anxious about things?”
He said:"Because of the state of attendance and homework, it did not meet expectations. ”
The moment the child said it, I was a little worried because I didn't know how to reply to him.
I let myself be quiet for a while, and I became aware of it
I think that in fact, "anxiety" is just an emotion, neither good nor bad, since it comes, it is good to feel it.
I didn't ask him to adjust his emotions, nor did I ask him to study in any way.
I think this is an experience, "the goose leaves a trace, and wants to cover it", and after experiencing it, acknowledging it, you will reap wealth.
I settled in the moment, there were only two people in the living room, me and the child, he stood in the middle of the living room and waved the Tai Chi sword in his hand, and I sat on the sofa and watched him intently.
At that moment, I suddenly felt that time stood still, and it was a very beautiful feeling to be with my children in that moment, and there was no learning in my life.
Maybe the child felt my acceptance and felt safe, so he turned his head and asked me:
Mom, at what age did you feel like you were grown up and able to cope with everything like an adult?”
I realized that the child was experiencing growing problems, I thought about it and said to him very seriously
Mom, it is only recently that she has a sense of control over her life, and she feels that she can deal with everything in life freely. ”
He said thoughtfully
I don't know why?The difference between the age of twelve and the age of sixteen is only four years, why is the difference so big?When I go, everyone else thinks I'm an adult, and I think I'm still a child. ”
I don't know why?I feel that in high school, my classmates have learned to pretend, and there are some things that are obviously uncomfortable, but they still have to pretend to be strong?It's not like in elementary school, you can cry when you want to cry, laugh when you want to laugh, and make trouble when you want to. ”
In the end, he said: I will be an adult in two years, and it is scary to think about it, because I don't want to grow up yet. ”
It can be seen that the pressure and troubles experienced by adolescent children growing up are no less than academic pressure, in fact, they are the same as the various pressures experienced by adults.
When we are stressed, we can naturally vent to our children and ask them to learn, but children cannot vent to us at will.
Because they also feel that this is inappropriate in their hearts, they can only press it in their hearts.
I suddenly understood why my child was not able to concentrate on his studies and complete his homework very seriously.
I realized that maybe academics are not so important for a child's inner growth, and getting into a good university is not so important.
The high school entrance examination is a kind of selection, there is competition in the selection, and the "result" only represents this stage, and it is not this criterion that determines the future of the child.
What I value more is: children know what to live for?And what to learn for?Become a person who is unified inside and outside, and who is united in knowledge and action.
Even if I can't get into an ideal university, no place is wasted, and as long as I don't compare, my child won't care who goes to a better university.
Each one is himself, and there is no need to compare;
Everyone has the resources to succeed and doesn't have to look outside;
Everyone will have a path to success, but this is not the only one.
To be successful, you just need to find and learn to use your inner resources.
What the child needs is awakening, and the task of the parent is to awaken
I just want the child to be himself, to be himself, to radiate his own light and heat in the field he loves, and it will be perfect.
Today is my son's sixteenth birthday, and on his thirteenth birthday, I wrote a little poem for him, and I want to celebrate his growth in this way today.
Dear children.
You came into the world through your mother, but she is not your master.
The one who rules your life, he is in your heart.
He can guide you along the way, and He is the source of your wisdom.
When you're lost.
You calm down and feel Him, you listen to Him.
When you fail.
You stop by him and ask him for his opinion.
When you're happy.
Please remember His presence and invite Him to celebrate with you.
When you succeed.
Remember to thank him, and he will be proud of you.
Please always remember him.
He is your mother's love for you, and he is also yourself.
He can make you awaken and live a happy life.
He is always with you.
Happy birthday