1 Both husband and wife were afraid of dogs, and once went to visit a relative's house in the countryside.
As soon as the two of them entered the door, a big dog pounced, and the buddy ran away. His daughter-in-law later complained that I didn't blame him for running away first, but he shouldn't have closed the courtyard door and left me in the courtyard.
2 My wife and best friend played mahjong at home, and then the unit called her to find something, so she asked me to go on top, saying that one person won or lost. After five hours, I won three and teased them when I sent them out: "Come all the way to send money, thank you." He closed the door with a smile and counted the pile of tickets he won, a total of 630 yuan. At this time, my wife called: "Wow, they all told me, you won more than 3,000, don't swallow it alone." “
3. My wife asked my husband, "Why don't you give me gifts after you get married?"”
My husband said, "Have you ever seen a fish that you catch and feed bait?""My husband was cleaned up by my wife.
The son came over and said, "It's not good, I actually caught a crocodile!."”
4 was bullied by a dog early in the morning ......The road out of the community is relatively narrow, and when I go to work, the front of me seems to have fallen out of love, and I am walking alone in the drizzle. I couldn't get past it, so I honked my horn. Mr. Erha, probably feeling disturbed by his loneliness, turned to look at me, cocked his hind legs, and poured a pee ...... on my hoodAnd then gone!
5 Son: Dad!I've grown up and I want to go out on my own.
Dad: Very good, sure enough, it is my son, who has the demeanor of Lao Tzu when he was young, and I also told your grandfather back then, if you can't make a name for yourself, you will never go home.
Son: That's why I've never met my grandfather
6. The son called a few classmates to come to the house to play. As an open-minded parent, I treat them as friends and talk to them about games and life. Later, when I went out to buy groceries, I heard someone outside the door, "Your dad is so ignorant, he is finally willing to leave." ”
7. After getting off work, I was so hungry that I walked into the restaurant and said to the boss assorted fried rice!The boss was stunned, oh, and went to the back kitchen. I waited, waited, waited, waited, the meal didn't come, so I couldn't bear to urge the boss to hurry up, and the boss came out of the back kitchen after a while and said: Young man, wait a little longer, our pot, at most five catties, and now the second pot is almost ready. I'll go, ten catties of fried rice!
8 During the Chinese New Year, my family made dumplings to eat, and my father wrapped a few coins to make an auspicious picture. When eating dumplings, my mother bit it, something was wrong, and when I spit it out, I saw that it was a 100-yuan bill!My brother said happily, "Congratulations to Mom for winning the lottery, Dad is too stingy." Looking for a few coins to fool us, I took 500 yuan from his wallet and wrapped it in. ”
9 My mother steamed the steamed buns, and after steaming, she entered the house with a plate of steamed buns.
The son stretched out his hand to eat, but the mother slapped the son and said, "Go aside, let your father eat first." ”
The father sitting next to him proudly took a bun and said, "Do you see it?"This is the wife. ”
After eating a steamed bun, the father wanted to continue eating, but the mother brought the steamed bun to her son and said, "Eat it, it seems to be cooked." ”
The son ignored the angry father and said lightly, "Do you see it?"That's Mom. ”
10 I have a colleague who is particularly sloppy, usually not very hygienic, I have never seen him wash his hands after going to the toilet, and everyone laughs at him. I happened to bump into him when I went to the toilet today, and I smiled and said, "Oops!".It's rare to see you wash your hands once?He smiled and replied: I forgot to bring a paper just now!
11 Xiao Zhang is not good-looking, and it was not easy to find a girlfriend. He handed his girlfriend's ** to his buddy and said proudly, "Beautiful, right?."”
The buddy looked at **, then looked at Xiao Zhang's face, and said, "If you use plants to describe her, then she is flowers;."If you use vegetables to describe her, then she is cabbage;If you could describe her as an animal, she would be a swan. ”
12a: "A lot of people look stupid when they speak. ”
B: "What about me?".”
A: "You're not like them, you look stupid if you don't even speak!”
13 Teacher: 520 and 521 both mean I love you, so what is the difference between them?Xiao Ming looked at the teacher with idiotic eyes: the man's confession to the woman is 520, and the woman's confession to the man is 521!Teacher: As far as you know, get out of ......Get out!