1 Graduated from university and Xi in a hospital. After a minor operation under the guidance of the doctor, I thought about some precautions during the operation and walked out of the operating room with my head bowed. At this time, the family members gathered around to ask about the situation, and at that time, I didn't know how to pump my brain, and remembered the plot that was often played on TV, so I opened my mouth and said, "We have done our best.......""Immediately the family members cried all kinds of things, and then I was punished!
2 morning, I received a strange **, saying: Hello, instant noodles, huh?
I thought it was an old iron, a prank!Me: I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm ham sausage. Then, I hung up the **.
Think about it, **something is wrong, which** should be, say: Hello, is it convenient for the interview?Another missed opportunity!
3 his wife again, and it was useless to apologize, she went around the house angrily: "Hmph!."I'm going to buy something expensive!”
As soon as I heard it, there was a turnaround!Spend money to eliminate disasters!
Immediately said, "Okay!".I'll go buy it with you. ”
Then we went to the small commodity market together and bought a washboard and came back!Needless to say, this will be kneeling on the washboard!
4 Xiao Liu recently made a very beautiful girlfriend and often buys her expensive gifts. Yesterday, the two of them went to the movies and then went shopping, and it was almost 12 o'clock in the middle of the night before they said goodbye. His girlfriend asked Xiao Liu: "We'll meet tomorrow, okay?"Xiao Liu replied: "I think it's the 3rd of next month." The girlfriend was dissatisfied: "Why can't we see each other every day?".You're going on a business trip tomorrow?Xiao Liu whispered: "I'm not on a business trip." Mainly because our unit can only pay wages on the 3rd of every month!”
5. "Protect adults or children?"”
Hehe, it's not guaranteed. ”
You're a beast!The insurance salesman glared at me and slammed the door.
6 "Xiao Wang, why did you fall down the stairs yesterday?"."It's very simple, my wife told me to be careful as I went down the stairs. But you know, I'm a man who never wants to do what a woman says, so that's how manly I can be. ”
7 Today, a friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party, and we were so happy, so I blurted out excitedly, "Great, I must be a stepmother after the child is born!"Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I had said something wrong, and quickly changed my words, "No, no, I mean stepmother." "Actually, I'm talking about godmothers.
8 One morning, my mother caressed the head of the ** lovingly, and told me about my childhood: You were very disobedient when you were a child!Once your dad was so angry that he beat your ass with poplar bark!I slapped my thigh....Oops!Why is my dad so ruthless?My dad hurriedly grabbed the words and said, "Am I ruthless?".Your mother usually beats you in the head, I'm afraid that she will beat you stupidly, and she will snatch you and spank your ass....Poof: I didn't hold ...... with a mouthful of old bloodAm I biological?
9 One day, my wife found a beautiful ** in one of my old books, so she asked me, I said calmly: "Oh, this is my junior high school classmate, we used to sit in .......""My wife punched and kicked, and half a minute later, I was dying on the ground and spit out two words" at the same table. I sat at a table!”
10 Xiao Zhang is a foodie, and he always likes to go back to his parents' house to eat. Once, he brought home a bag of soybeans and said to his mother, "Mom, let's pair two pig's trotters, soybeans stewed with pig's trotters, delicious!."”
A few days later, he brought home some shiitake mushrooms and said to his mother: "Mom, with a chicken, shiitake mushroom roast chicken, invincible in the world!".”
On this day, Xiao Zhang went home to eat again, and before he could speak, his mother pushed out a second-hand stroller and said to him: "It's your turn, find a daughter-in-law with a baby!."”
11a: How was the blind date yesterday?
B: Very good, very satisfied.
A: That's what it is?
B: No. A: Why?
B: Because she had a crush on me, I didn't have a crush on her.
A: So who do you have your eye on?
B: Her sister.
A: Then her sister has a crush on you?
B: No, her sister has a crush on my brother.
A: What about your brother?
B: My brother has a crush on her.
A: It's too complicated, it's confusing......
12. A young and beautiful female guest came to the house.
The mother said to her son, "Come, little girl, go and kiss Auntie." ”
The son refused, "No!."Dad also wanted to kiss his aunt in the corridor, but he slapped her!”